grand returns

Pastor Tom Brock: ‘I Am A 57-Year-Old Virgin’

Thank goodness Jesus is a forgiving man, otherwise Lutheran Pastor Tom Brock, who was given some time off after “slipping in Slovakia,” wouldn’t have been able to return to the church. But there he is!

Nobody really expected Brock to lose his job after his superiors signaled they weren’t out for revenge over Lavender magazine June’s expose that had Brock attending a faith-based meeting for “recovering gays” and hinting at some man-on-man love.

So he was back at the pulpit Sunday, telling his congregation, “I am a 57-year-old virgin.” Which begs the question: Are we talking the Bible-based definition of virgin, or something else? (The church says its investigation, which won’t be made public, found no evidence Brock had sex with men.)

Brock, who believes humans are all born heterosexual and then “something goes wrong,” says he’s known he’s been sexually attracted to men for years but never acted on it.

Thankfully Brock isn’t going to let a little dude attraction get in the way of his career his service to the lord: He wants to take his local cable access show to a wider national audience and tell viewers, “You can have this struggle with same-sex attraction, say no to it, and still follow Christ.”

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    “I did not have sex with that man”………hmmm, where have I heard that kind of bobin’ and weavin’ before.………

  • Andrew

    Exactly. And as for all those ‘recovering gays’ very rarely have I ever heard them say ‘I am just totally attracted to women/men now!’ usually they say something like ‘I don’t act on the urges now!’

    Recovering, or just denial?

  • Ponyboy

    I have met more than one Christian who has told me that sleeping with men “didn’t count” as losing my virginity and since I’d never been with a woman I was still a virgin.

  • Sug Night

    If it’s true, that explains a LOT…

  • Jim

    Poor bastard needs to get laid baaaaad.

  • Xerxes

    The only six inches of him that are still virgin are between his lower esophagus and his small intestine.

  • Ogre Magi

    I think for that man sex is a misdemeanor: De more he miss de meaner he gets!

  • horus

    sure U R pastor Tom ;) now S**K IT

  • Joe

    if he weren’t such a douche bag, he’d be kinda sexy

  • Queixa

    Matthew 5:28 — But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a man to lust after him hath committed adultery with him already in his heart.

    Oh, but that Bible verse doesn’t apply, because it’s inconvenient. Vucking hypocrite! (excuse my typo).

    I’m gay and atheist, and I find this kind of hypocrisy offensive.

  • Bill

    A sad, pathetic, shell of a human being, this one.

    Try and imagine what his daily life must be like. Emotional pain from sun up to sun down every single day without respite.

    I can’t really feel sorry for him, however, because he sits in a prison cell that he built for himself.

  • GEW

    Colour me unimpressed.

  • Drake

    Sounds like one of those guys who tells each anonymous partner, “This is my first time.”

  • L.

    @Drake: Well, technically he is, if he keeps rebirthing himself as a virgin every time :)

  • Robert

    What makes me mad the most is that morons like Tom Brock mis-define homosexuality as a “behavior” rather than an “orientation.”

    If he gets a hard-on looking at gay porn, and not straight porn, then he’s gay. And Jesus’s own word confirmed (Matt 5:28) that what really counts is what is in people’s hearts, not whether they act on it.

    So Tom Brock is GAY.

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