JURASSIC BRAIN TRUST

Pat Robertson Believes Lots of Gays Watch Him On TV Because They’re Really Straight

Laser-like logic has never been televangelist Pat Robertson’s long suit, but he does seem to have an unparalleled ability to make every new statement seem dumber than the one before. In an appearance on his television program, Robertson said that he knows he has a large gay following, but that’s okay, because gays are really just confused heterosexuals.

In launching his latest rant, Robertson argued that there are  “many, many, many homosexuals watching this program,” although he forgot to add “for laughs.” Robertson then went into a rambling explanation as to why there really are no gay people in the world.

“They have forsaken God, it’s not something that is natural and when people reunite with the Lord, the Lord will get their priorities the way it is supposed to be,” Robertson said before trotting out the abuse canard. “A lot of people are into this homosexual thing because they’ve been abused… they’re little boys and little girls and they don’t know any better … and then they somehow think, ‘Well, I must be gay.’ They aren’t. They are heterosexual and they just need to come out of that.”

So, there you have it. In Roberstonland, the universe is 100 percent heterosexual. Interestingly, this is what Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia’s son seems to think. Which begs the question: if there are no gay people, why do these folks spend so much of their time attacking us?