While the straight world is all a tither about the Boston Red Sox and the St. Louis Cardinals going head-to-head in a World Series that is is tighter than Zac Efron’s abs, we got to thinking about more important things (like Efron’s abs) and the baseball stats that get us all hot and bothered: Who are the hotties on these two dueling teams? Sure baseball may not have the percentage of studs you see in say, the NFL and yes, they gave up those form-fitting stretch pants years ago, but there are still some lookers hidden in the lineups for these two World Series contenders. And because we’re all about due diligence, we found nine of ‘em for you — one to pay attention to for each inning.
Boston Red Sox
Jacoby Ellsbury / #2 / Outfielder
He may not have produced much at the plate until Game 5, but our eyes were always on Ellsbury from Game 1 and day one.
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Johnny Gomes / #5 / Outfielder
Let’s ignore the beard as he has it now and appreciate his more trimmed version. He was the hero who won Game 4 for the Sox when he hit a three-run homer.
Xander Bogaerts / #72 / Infielder
Sure, he’s just a youngster (21, people), but he’s legal and he’s been reliable at bat…which only makes us think he’s good to have around for all sorts of reasons.
Ryan Kalish / #55 / Outfielder
Okay, so Kalish hasn’t played in the series since he underwent neck surgery in August, but c’mon, he’s the hottest guy on their roster. Without him, they’d never get laid.
St. Louis Cardinals
Adam Wainwright / #50 / Pitcher
He’s the best pitcher on the Cards’ roster, and we don’t think that jaw line or his piercing blue eyes hurt his case either.
Matt Carpenter / #13 / Infielder
He’s got that whole Don Draper look-alike thing going on. Too bad we can’t tell if he’s the whole Jon Hamm package with these pesky pants they where now. Yes, we said package.
Kolten Wong / #16 / Infielder
This half Chinese, half Hawaiian hottie is the sensitive type, too. He broke down into tears when he was picked off in the final play of Game 4 and the Cards lost.
Carlos Beltran / #3 / Outfielder
A bruised rib in Game 1 couldn’t keep this beefy right fielder on the bench when he smashed into the wall to catch what would have been a David Ortiz home run. Yeah, we like that kind of stamina.
David Freese / #23 / Infielder
Not at the top of our lineup, but in a pinch, we’d pluck Freese right from his position on third base and bring him home with us.
philipj999
Red Sox third baseman Will Middlebrooks. He was laying down on the job in game 2.
damienbasile
Adam Wainwright is now bearded fyi, and even more amazingly handsome http://img.bleacherreport.net/img/images/photos/002/570/363/hi-res-185588507-adam-wainwright-of-the-st-louis-cardinals-answers_crop_exact.jpg?w=1500&h=1500&q=85 #WainwrightsBeard
2eo
Does it count as a world series when you bar every other country from entering because they hammer the American sides every time they play them?
Thomathy
@2eo: I’m going to assume that that’s supposed to be humour, but the pedant in me is shrieking something about how it’s called the world series because of the American arrogance of the man who first proposed the challenge (a ‘World’s Championship Series’), Barney Dreyfuss, in 1903. Besides, a Canadian team is part of MLB so not every country is barred.
But, yeah, about them sucking internationally.
the other Greg
@2eo: Nobody has “barred” anyone from anything. It wouldn’t be feasible to have intercontinental league play in baseball, where the games are every single day for six months. It’s not like football (either type) where the teams play once a week.
Until the 1950s, back before air travel was common, it wasn’t even practical to have a team west of St. Louis. If you invent a “transporter” a la Star Trek to enable intercontinental play, MLB would probably be interested!
gjg64
Where are Joe Kelly and Michael Wacha? They’re young, fun, and full of……strikes. And let me point out that all those beards the Red Sux have are probably full of lice. Go Cards!!!!!
gjg64
@philipj999: Because he was begging for it from Allen Craig! Oh and he got it!
Rockery
Q… the last guy.. really?
cestmua
Hmm hmm hmm! These guys…they all grunt when they cum!
denx5
St Louis boy here.
My vote(s):
Matt Carpenter… what a total BABE. But I think he may be a homophobe 🙁
David Freese… Not married… No girl friend… hmmmm
Kangol
Bogaerts and Wong!
Kangol
I should add Carlos Beltrán isn’t hard on the eyes either.
And Queerty forgot that very young beauty pitching for the Cardinals, Carlos Martínez.
AnnaMcManus
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gjg64
@denx5: Hey Denx5….why do you say Matt Carpenter may be a homophobe? What’s the story????
Allen D.
First of all, Will Middlebrooks is the sexiest man in MLB.
That being said, I found the insinuation that only straight guys are passionate about baseball rather obnoxious. I’ve been a HUGE Red Sox fan all my life. This year was FANTASTIC.