You got a glimpse of the hot, brute muscle on some of the finest specimens in the NFL’s AFC last week, but how does the NFC stack up against the AFC when it comes to grade A beef? Take a look and see which team — which conference, rather — you’d want to play on. Us? We’re flexible. Which is probably a good thing if we’re going to be tumbling around with the likes of these brooding, grunting beasts. Who’s ready for some football?
DeMarco Murray / #29 / Running Back
How ’bout them Cowboys? There are a few we’d like to take out to pasture and…what’s that song again? Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy? Yeah, that.
New York Giants
David Carr / Backup Quarterback, currently not on roster
You could chisel diamonds with that jawline carved from stone, so we don’t care that the Giants cut him from their roster just a few weeks back. We’re holding out hope he’ll be back. Eli Manning is just not that cute.
James Casey /#86/ Fullback, Tight End
There are quite a few in Philly we’d like to sack. But if we had our druthers, we’d go with Casey: He look big, buff and dumb. Just how we like ‘em. But don’t tell him we said that as we’re sure his 6’4, 240-lb. self can kick our ass.
Niles Paul / #84 / Tight End
If you can forgive their to decidedly un-PC name, We’ll take Paul shaven or scruffy or any combo in between. We’ll just take him. Period.
Lance Briggs / #55/ Linebacker
With a mug as handsome as his, our first thought is: “Dayum!” Then comes “Yes, please.” Followed by, “Don’t you dare bust up his pretty face!”
Reggie Bush / #21 / Running Back
We are still all about some Bush. Kim K. is a dummy for letting this one get away. You’ve probably seen enough shirtless shots of him through the years (is it really ever enough?), so we figure we’d combine that physique with a sexy set of choppers (smile. people) that’ll just make you melt.
Green Bay Packers
Andrew Quarless / #81 / Tight End
If nothing else, he’s very confident in his own self. He originally had “Gods Gift” (sic, he forgot the apostrophe) tatted on his forearms. Hey, we’re not one to argue. He’s since changed the tattoo and added an “S” to “Gift” because others were giving him flack for being conceited. Again, we’re not one to argue.
John Carlson / #89 / Tight End
Once Ben Leber went the free agent route to retirement we needed a new Vikings crush, so in a pinch we’ve picked Carlson because we think he can go the distance.
Tony Gonzalez / #88 / Tight End
He’s versatile, boys. Hot. He had to choose between basketball and football after a successful college career in both. We like his choice. NFL uniforms are more…flattering.
Craig Roh/ #60 / Defensive End
He’s just 22 years old. And at 6’5 and nearly 270 pounds we can only hope he respects his elders.
New Orleans Saints
Kenny Vaccaro / #32 /Safety
There’s very little saintly about NO — if you’ve been there you know — but this tatted up rookie has us thinking very unsaintly thoughts on the daily.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
William Gholston / #92 / Defensive End
In all truth, we don’t know much about Tampa Bay or the Buccaneers, but that doesn’t keep us from wanting to run with Gholston all day long.
Darnell Dockett / #90 / Defesive End
We’ve let our fantasies fly with Dockett. And he’s ours, so back off.
St. Louis Rams
Chris Long / #91 / Defensive End
Grunt. Grind. Moan. Yeah, all these verbs come to mind when thoughts of Long are present.
San Francisco 49ers
Colin Kaepernick / #7 / Quarterback
We said last week that we couldn’t give all the love to QBs and such, but do you see this picture? It’s Kaepernick? C’mon now!
Percy Harvin / #11 / Wide Receiver
This pic is from his personal Twitter account (@Percy_Harvin) made us believers. Real fast. If you weren’t following him before, you might now, huh? You slut.
I’d throw Aaron Hernandez in there, even tho he’s a murderer, I’d be his prison sex slave.
@Harley: A thousand times yes.
JJ Watt. Plays for Houston. Aaron Rogers is a close second.
Kudos t Queerty for ditching the multi clicks!
Colin Kaepernick, Russell Wilson, Reggie Bush, Niles Paul, Larry Fitzgerald, EJ Manuel, Cam Newton, Terrelle Pryor, Victor Cruz, Steven Jackson, Jason Snelling, and so many more.
Cincinnati Bengals’ ginger Andy Dalton.
Damn they all fine!
@jckfmsincty: The Bengals are AFC, not NFC.
@Harley: Aaron Hernandez is/was with the New England Patriots which are AFC, not NFC.
Clay Matthews from the Packers should DEFINITELY be on this list.
Wow, this is a great list. Gorgeous men. Good job Queerty. 🙂
Now this is what I’m talking about. Niles Paul is gorgeous! Also, DeMarco Murray, Lance Briggs, and Reggie bush. Yum.
and yet gays wonder why striaght players have an issue with them being on the team..this is no different than a guy joining Yoga class just to stare at women..
Oh please. Like straight guys don’t talk about which female athletes are hot.
YES PLEEZ!! http://getoffmydress.blogspot.com/2013/09/this-is-what-i-do.html
Colin Kaepernick. Hands down.
Excellent list!!! I’m loving the plethora of minorities here!!!
@DarthKitsune: And don’t forget Russell Wilson
I’m a little late to this so please forgive me.
I’d like to add, defensive tackle, Cory Wootton of the Chicago Bears.
And I just can’t help but giggle when I see the words Tony Gonzales and tight end in the same sentence.
Colin Kaeranick is always at the top of my list!
Well news today [Thanksgiving Day 2015] is that San Francisco signed two new players, one of whom is a quarterback. (sigh) I guess Kaepernick will need a new home.
He’s such a babe!
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