Poodle Rape And Porn Regret

• A poodle was raped after being abducted from her yard in Phoenix, AZ, having been discovered after she was tossed back over her fence. Sassy, the poodle, suffered injuries to her vagina and anus; she is now in stable condition, but her owner says she’ll “never be the same.” The Humane Society is offering a $5,000 reward. In related news: there is a human female from my neighborhood that went missing, and the reward for her return is only $1,000. [KOLD]

• A cheerleading coach at a Catholic high school in Illinois was fired for making gay porn movies. And he’s surprised at his dismissal; apparently he thought the Catholic Church wouldn’t mind?…he should really call Tom Malin, Patron Saint Of Naughty Boys Gone Good. And we searched everywhere, but we couldn’t find out which movies he made. Someone will just have to send that info in. HINT HINT. [Belleville News-Democrat]

• Since the Governor of South Dakota has outlawed abortions (did you know that? the law will go into effect July 1), the President of South Dakota’s Oglala Sioux Tribe, Cecilia Fire Thunder, announced she’ll establish a Planned Parenthood clinic on tribal lands. Ha HA! Native American reservations are “sovereign states” where South Dakota laws don’t apply. With a name like Fire Thunder, you KNOW she kicks ass. [IndyBay] and [DailyKos]