Royally Screwed

Pope Francis To Visit Uganda To Honor Martyrs Who Refused Sex With Gay King

Screen Shot 2014-02-28 at 11.14.26 AMBack in 1885, nearly 130 years before Uganda’s recently passed anti-homosexual law, the area was ruled by a king.

A gay king.

King Mwanga II kept many young men at his constant beck and call, and executed those who refused his advances — a precursor to Grindr‘s block button.

Here’s where the pope comes in. This all happened just after the Catholics had arrived, and part of what enraged the king was that the missionaries clearly didn’t support any gay goings on.

The men who died as a result of turning down a roll in the hay with King Touchy Feely were canonized as martyrs almost 50 years ago, and Pope Francis plans to visit Uganda to mark the anniversary.

“The irony is that the martyrs were killed for resisting the homosexual advances of the Bugandan king, Mwanga. Sort of flies in the face of the “homosexuality is un-African” script,” said Junior Mayema, an African gay rights activist.