Pope Opens Mouth, Nothing Comes Out

We really don’t know why we continue to give Pope Benedict XVI so much press. It’s not like he needs it, but yet we can’t seem to stop. (Also, we wanted to put the Pope next to Tanya Turner. There’s some symbolism in there. We’re just not sure where.)

Anyway, his alleged holiness made yet another speech in which he condemns homos. In this one, however, they were just veiled admonishments.
No fire and brimstone talk, no eternal damnation, just a little finger wagging. 365 Gay reports:

In an hour-long speech to Italian bishops and lay leaders, Benedict warned that a secular shift in the West had led to threats to traditional families, including “other forms of unions,” a reference to gay marriage.

We must admit that we prefer when Benny and his homies go on about the blasphemous nature of gay marriage. You know: the one in which they insist the world will be brought to a a totally shitty apocalyptic end. True (and straight) believers will fly off to heaven, where they’ll enjoy a nice lemonade with Jesus and have a laugh at all the flaming flamers.

That’s far more exciting than a passing reference, a route we think puts the Pope more the category of pussy loser, rather than papal leader. If you’re gonna hate, hate like you mean it.

Of course, that’s not all he said:

Pope Benedict has urged Italians to remain faithful to their Christian traditions, saying they can be examples to the world and enable dialogue with other cultures that are deeply religious.

He said that cultures in which “God is excluded” _ referring to a secularized West _ “were not able to establish a real dialogue with other cultures in which the religious dimension is strongly present.”

Yeah, because The Catholic Church really knows about bridging cultural divides. They just call it proselytization.

One last note: the Pope praised Italian faith and said “the Christian traditions are often deeply rooted and continue to produce fruit.” Yeah, it produces fruits, alright. Then it beats them down until they think they’re sinful monsters, leading to exceedingly unhealthy, often violent expressions of repressed sexuality, eg: Anthony Mercieca.

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  • christian_value

    I’m sorry to all the Catholics out there who might take offense to this, but I HAVE to say something. The Pope looks like a god damn GREMLIN HELL MONSTER! I couldn’t possibly be the only person in the world who notices this. Like, if I had to imagine the creepiest, evilest, most devious looking old man it would look like him. He even has creepy little demon teeth. And that’s WAY more scary than two homos making out at some overdecorated Crate & Barrel wedding if you ask me…



  • stephen

    m sorry to all the HOMOS out there who might take offense to this, but I HAVE to say something. The HOMO looks like a god damn GREMLIN HELL MONSTER! I couldn’t possibly be the only person in the world who notices this. Like, if I had to imagine the creepiest, evilest, most devious looking men who play with each others BALLS. SO CHRISTIAN_VALUE SHUT THE F*U*C*K UP.

  • christian_value

    Whoa. I guess Stephen forgot about love and brotherhood…oh wait, that’s a Christian thing. Catholics are the ones who are all into repression and guilt…silly me. Btw, I would totally appreciate and angry response that wasn’t just a cut and paste of what I already wrote. At least be insultingly orginal.

  • Colin

    You understand so little of the Catholic faith. I suggest you actually study Catholic theology before you make biased remarks. Catholics have almost never been a sorce of repression. Accusations such as the Inquisition, the persecution of Galileo, and the Crusades are all either false or blown out of proportion.
    Besides this, the Catholic community is even more learned and compassionate than it used to be. That being said, I would like to get this straight: Catholics to not persecute homosexuals!!! Do you realize just how devoted we are to helping homosexuals deal with their sexuality. We view them on the same level of beauty and respect and any other person. Yes, we dissaprove of same-sex marriage, adoption, and relationships. However, so do all most all brances of religion. In fact, the magority of homosexuals don’t even approve. If you look, you will sind many secular, homosexual organizations determined to stop homosexuals from taking themselves too far. We arn’t doing this for us; we are doing this for them, and everyone. You can look up some major organizations here: http://weatherbugbrowserbar.mywebsearch.com/jsp/AJmain.jsp?searchfor=Homosexuals+Opposed+to+Pride+Extremism
    I have not read them all, but most links ended up being quite good. The founder of H.O.P.E, for one, is a very gifted writer.

  • Bryan

    Colin it really bothers me when people think compassion is saying “just how devoted we are to helping homosexuals deal with their sexuality” I mean come on. The Catholic church hates HATES the homos and they shield it in this veil of love and trying to help. it’s bullshit. get over yourself. Catholics preach a lot of hate. I still think the pope looks like a creepy gremlin monster.

  • Colin

    There you go again. Now, please clerafy for me how the churcg shows hate? Where in our official doctrines does it talk about “crusing the whorish heathen homo’s”, or whatever? Do you say these things because we oppose same-sex marriage? So do many homosexuals, as I have said. Is it because, we oppose gay adoptions? (same answer) promescuity? (something which the media encourages homosexuals to explore and which we detest for all people). I wish you would elaborate on your ideas. Furthermore, please don’t result to making fun of the Pope’s appearence: it hurts your argument by making you seem incapable of defending your points.

    Many of the things which the church opposes are universal truths which many of us hold. Catholics, like most people, support gay rights. However, we must consider what constitutes as a right. The main advocates in the gay pride movement are not gays, but the media. The media is convinced that they know what everybody wants and fighting for “gay rights” is just their way of trying to make everyone the same. Let us visit for just a second the topic of gay marriage. Why would gays want it? For rights? You get more rights as an unmarried person than as a married one, as the law tells us, so it cannot be that. Marriage was disigned for one thing and one thing only: having children. Therefore, it seems ignorant that gays would really want this (most don’t). I could go on, but this is becomming a long post as it is. The point is is that the gay community is in peril with it’s morals and identity. We, as Catholics, fight to help them find themselves and their place in the world.

    Before I go, ther is just one more thing: I tracked down an article the leader of H.O.P.E wrote some time ago. It basically sums up this whole gay controversy quite well…

  • Colin

    Is anyone going to respond? I’m just asking because so far you havin’t given me a decent fight on this. I need some better arguments from someone before I can fully formulate my own opinion.

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