The history of the Bible is a long, strange road; It begins with the codification of oral Jewish traditions by rabbis and continues through the millenia to early Christian theologians who mimic the cycles of the Old Testament in their creation a new chapter–and then on to Paul in Rome, who wiped away the gnostic gospels and locked in one true canon never foreseeing that one day the sacred text would be translated into English, turned into a manga strip, or now, thanks toÂ an American film producer, turned totally screamingly queer.
The Princess Diana Bible is the oh-so-subtle pet project of Max Mitchell, who heads New Mexico-based Revision studios. Mitchell is something of a modern day Ed Wood and he’s best known as the creator of Horror In The Wind, a comedy about what happens when a scientific formula makes the whole world turn gay. One of the things that happens in the movie is that the regular Bible gets replaced with a ‘Princess Diana Bible.” Mitchell liked the idea so much, he decided to do it himself.
A preview of Genesis is already online and features Eve and Aida instead of Adam and Eve:
“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Aida, and she slept: and he took one of her ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the Lord God had taken from woman, made he another woman, and brought her unto the first. And Aida said, ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of me. Therefore shall a woman leave her mother, and shall cleave unto her wife: and they shall be one flesh.’ And they were both naked, the woman and her wife, and were not ashamed.”
Once he’s done creating the Bible (which he claims is the result of divine intervention), Mitchell plans on directing it as a mini-series, because who wouldn’t want to see The Ten Commandments with a little more Moses-on-Ramses action? You can check out the Bible here.
Somehow, this actually has managed to upset some real honest-to-goodness Christians, who can totally accept it when messengers come saying, “Pretend to eat me every Sunday”, but are completely against anyone trying to work, “Let lesbians be lesbians” into their holy scripture. Douglas Howe over at BeliefNet says that it’sÂ “inspired by a political agenda and one person’s desire to contort not only the text but the very context of it to suit his own perspective” and many many angry commenters on the site agree.
Wait til they find out that The Princess Diana Bible isn’t even the first queeny-King of Kings Bible out there. Last year, some other gays wrote The Gay Bible, which includes another testament (just like the Book of Mormon!) of Jesus Christ called “God’s New Law”, that said many heretical things about letting gay people love each other and not mindlessly following scripture like a lemming.
For our part, we think sitting down and “turning the Bible gay” is a pretty stupid use of your time, but since God’s telling Mitchell to do it, he better keep at it, since you should always do what God says. Unless of course God comes along and says something different, which He is wont to do from time to time. No wonder this whole religion thing starts so many wars.