book brawls

Portia DeGeneres Can’t Sleep Knowing Ricky Martin’s Book Could Top Her Sales

Because two homosexual celebrities each released a memoir this month that discusses how they were big closet cases en route to fame and fortune, surely they must be competing with each other for sales numbers! Oh, you live for this crap too?

Portia DeGeneres is “bent” on finding out whether her lesbianism-plus-eating-disorder tome Unbearable Lightness is trouncing Ricky Martin‘s Me, Page Six conjures. “She constantly asks for her numbers and other authors on the best-seller list,” says some anonymous source that could have just as easily been pulled out of Portia’s anorexia-thin air. “Especially Ricky Martin, who also writes about being a closeted gay.”

Does she have reason to be worried? Portia’s book fell five slots on the New York Times nonfiction hardcover list, to No. 15, while Ricky sits at No. 22. Sounds like we know who’s the bottom in this quarrel.

Stay tuned next week when George W. Bush starts sweating over Jay-Z’s Decoded possibly ousting his Decision Points from the top slot. Because they are both heterosexuals!