Entering the exit door — or, ahem, having one’s exit door entered — just doesn’t do it for all guys. Queerty recently covered how the struggle is real for gay men who don’t enjoy anal sex, and one guy is worried he’ll never find love for exactly that reason.
Related: Man insists he’s not a “crybaby twink” just because he doesn’t like anal
“I’ve never been way into anal,” the guy writes in a recent Reddit thread. “Do I have hope of finding a partner, or am I doomed?”
The Redditor says that he’s had a “lot of anal sex,” but it’s never been a “huge thing” for him, and he usually has fun “doing other ‘activities.’”
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“I think this is called being a ‘side,’” he adds. (He’d be right.) “Are sides doomed when it comes to finding a partner? And are there a lot out there? I read some study that showed [less than] 40% of gay guys’ last sexual activity didn’t involve anal, suggesting that anal sex isn’t as important as people make it out to be.”
(This guy might have seen our coverage of a study of men who have sex with men published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2011, which touted those very results.)
Related: “Does not liking backdoor entry make me straight?” man wonders
Happily, fellow Redditors offered solidarity, proving that a happy ending — pardon the pun — is possible for the original poster. “My husband and I tend to avoid anal as well,” one wrote. “We both were tops in our last relationships, but only because it seemed like the better of two options. After meeting, we both confessed that even topping wasn’t really that great.”
Another user wrote: “My BF and I thought we were both 100% tops before we met. We are happy as can be. We do anal from time to time, but it’s not our main thing.”
“There are many ways to be gay and many ways to have gay sex,” that guy added. “All legit.”
And because this is Reddit we’re talking about, commenters came with jokes. “I hear marriage is a great way to avoid anal sex,” one quipped. Butt out, mister!
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kevininbuffalo
Queerty is developing an anal fixation.
chupacabra
it IS an anal fixation
michel_banen
I guess we’ll have to analize those topics.
Prax07
Never been into it myself even though I am a bottom. It hurts, bad, no matter who has done it. Big, small, thick, thin, fast, slow, none of it hasn’t hurt. I’ll do it if I’m Really into the guy and he wants it, but it’s never enjoyable, and never over fast enough. Still, never really been an issue of enough importance to stop relationships.
Donston
Is this a topic of the moment, or is this a Queerty obsession? As far as it stopping relationships, I guess it can be a dealbreaker if a dude really likes fvcking ass regularly. I love man ass, but I’m cool with just touching it and eating it. More than anything, pleasing my partner and giving affection to my partner fulfills me.
Josh447
Who the fk cares about your sex acts. Get real. Get a clue. Have have a little class dumb*ss.
TimothyBeauchamp
Wha??? Dude, give this guy an effing break! Freedom of expression and some of us don’t mind seeing his thoughts on matter. Trying to make him feel guilty is classless behavior.
Josh447
Tim,
We all have freedom of speech. Vile detailed info into a strangers butt sex life isn’t my idea of class. However, to each his own. In my case, I find his wording repulsive. Leave it at home, or for close friends who might care. In USA we call it “oversharing” or TMI “too much information”.
JED08
Josh _ You are the one with issues, not him. You obviously just go around angry and randomly lash out at people that didn’t do anything wrong. We’re gay in this forum, and 90% of the things that we talk about here have nothing to do with sex. Having an occasional conversation about gay sex is 100% normal. You are also deluded thinking that you display class, I display class and how you talk to people is part of the equation.
khan72
Queerty thank you for covering this topic. It seems that gay = anal to many people. The world is full of men fooling around with other men but if they are not having anal, in their mind they are not gay.if we included all men touching other men’s penises we would be the majority
Donston
Most people don’t see “gay” that way. They see “gay” as equating to inherent homosexuality (which has only a minor connection to anal play). Or they see “gay” as being about passions, romantic fulfillment, relationship contentment. Only a small percentage of people think anal play equals “gay” and non-anal play means “straight”. Yes, there are some dudes that are into guys to whatever capacity who convince themselves otherwise because they’re not into anal. Or they convince themselves (and others) that they’re not that into guys when they still love sexually engaging with guys and prefer affections, attention, love from a dude. But “gay” would never be the majority. Even many inherent homosexuals avoid “gay”, as does many who have overall same-sex preferences, affections, and relationship ambitions. While the majority of guys are not romantically, sexually, relationship wise into dudes at all.
Josh447
Wow. Could you pour any more dressing on that word salad?
TimothyBeauchamp
There’s a pot for every lid. The end. ?????
j41005
I agree with the guy in the article. I’m not into anal, and actually I find it (for me) a turn off. I think that there’s too much emphasis placed on it.
Paco
If being a “side” is so common, then why all of the coverage about people feeling “doomed” for being one? It sounds like the “sides” are trying to convince themselves of something that isn’t aligning with their personal experiences with others.
Being gay doesn’t take away the millions of years of genetically programmed male desire to have penetrative sex with another person. Sad that some gay people think only heterosexuals should get to enjoy penetrative sex.
trojanboy
It’s a pain in the ass.
cwaigy
There is absolutely nothing wrong with not enjoying or wanting anal sex. To the man in this story and anyone else who doesn’t enjoy anal sex, if anyone doesn’t show their support or understanding with this, what will they be like in a relationship when issues such as health, finance, disaster, etc come up. Find someone who accepts you for you and don’t change for anyone. Also to the guy in the story and others. Your one true love will enter your life the moment you stop looking.