Priests Not Toeing Vatican Line

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Pope Benedict XVI may officially speak for the Catholic Church, but does he really speak for the Catholic Church? Apparently not. An Italian magazine got all sneaky and sent 24 reporters to test the holy waters by confessing fabricated sins. While would one expect priests to follow Benny and friends’ staunch statutes against stem-cell research, gays and the such, the results show a chasm in conviction.

One reporter asked a Naples friar whether or not she should take his lifeless father off life support, to which the priest replied,

Don’t think any more about it. I myself, if I had a father, a wife or a child who had lived for years only because of artificial means, would pull out [the plug].

Meanwhile, another priest told a gay man that he needn’t live his life in the closet: “Generally, the best attitude is to be yourself – what in English is called ‘coming out’.”

Upon hearing the news, Benedict swore to God Almighty that he would eat every single one of their brains. When someone asked whether or not that would make him a murderer, the Pope laughed before biting of their face. He was later appeased by news that all of the priests vehemently oppose abortion.

It’s the little things in life…