Prop. 8’s Friends and Enemies

38892345-15111936Last week, the deadline passed for amicus curiae briefs, or so called “friend of the court” filings, for the upcoming California Supreme Court hearing on Prop. 8. Hundreds of groups sent in their petitions to the court, both for and against the measure, which outlawed same-sex marriage in the state. They range from 120-page treatises on prior case law to bizarre ramblings from the lunatic fringe, but they represent the last major hurdle before the Court begins its hearings, which may be as soon as early March.

Our favorites, both for and against, are below.

  For or Against Prop. 8 Type of Group What Do They Want? What They’re Saying
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Google
Against All-consuming Mega-corporation Fears gay employees will rewrite algorithms so all searches lead here. “Denying employees basic rights isn’t right, and it isn’t good for businesses. We are committed to preserving fundamental rights for every one of the people who work hard to make Google a success.”
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Michael McDermott
For Vocal Advocate of “The Male Minority” Fears women, especially women who don’t want to have sex with men. “By creation of a suspect class (whether self-identified as “Dykes” or euphemistically called “Lesbians”, although the court fails to define the term), with rights greater than all others, this Court essentially upholds a prohibition on Men challenging such rank Misandrist Hatred.”
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Joslin and Michael Wald et. al.
Against Family Law Specialists from 13 California Law Schools If Prop. 8 is upheld, marriages which happened before its passage must be upheld. “Our amicus brief argues that the only possible answer to this question is that Proposition 8 has no effect on these marriages [which occurred before Prop. 8 passed.]”
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Campaign for California Families
For Lawyers, but especially evil lawyers. Jesus, but not the half-naked “hangs around with guys all day” Jesus. “It is simply inaccurate to say that reaffirming the traditional definition of marriage singles out homosexuals for exclusion. Even the radical re-definition of marriage currently sought by gay activists maintains exclusions based on such factors as age and monogamy. It is hypocritical for them to pretend they are the only group affected by Prop. 8.”
For or Against Prop. 8 Type of Group What Do They Want? What They’re Saying
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Over 40 Bar Associations
Against “Because I’m a lawyer!” Big money to be made on gay pre-nups and divorce filings “Proposition 8 would shatter existing principles of equal protection and fundamental rights, as well as the judicial branch’s role as final arbiter of these constitutional guarantees. It constitutes a revision of the Constitution. As such, it may not be enacted by a simple majority of the voters.”
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American Center for Law & Justice
For Pat Robertson’s made-up law group Who needs laws when you have The Bible? “Rather than restricting and diminishing a pre-exisiting, clearly expressed constitutional provision, Proposition 8 simply seeks simply seeks to express a pre-existing constitutional definition in no uncertain terms.”
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Reform Jewish Movement
Against Mensch’s Proving that religious freedom extends to faiths that support gay marriage. “We recognize, as well, that the religious beliefs of people who oppose same-sex marriages should be respected; no clergy member or house of worship should ever be forced, under law, to sanctify a religious wedding that goes against his or her religious tenets. And those religious institutions and clergy that wish to welcome and affirm same-sex unions must also be respected and protected.”
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Kingdom of Heaven
For Crazy people. Wants to out Phelps Fred Phelps. “If gay and lesbians do not change their sexual behavior to natural ways thai [sic]
the Almighty Eternal Creator created between one man and one woman, they will
lose their eternal life!”