MONSTER MASH

Just In Time For Halloween, Sex Toys Just Got A Lot Scarier

You already know where you can buy penises of mythical creatures, but what if you’re in the mood for something a little more Halloweeny? Well wipe the seeds out of your Jack-o-lanterns because you tricks are in for a treat.

Yes, Fleshlight (“The flashlight you can fuck!”) has just unveiled their “Freaks” line of monster dildos that lets you choose between Frankencock, a Count Dickula, ZombieDong, Cybercock and an Avatar-inspired alien invader (for those of you who have always wanted to be violated by a Na’vi). There’s even corresponding fleshjacks, if you’d rather not bottom for the undead (prude!).

Plus they make great holiday gifts. Nothing says Happy Hanukkah like a rotting man-cock.

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10 Comments

  • aagblog

    All of the dildos have the disclaimer “Dildo is intended for external use only”, which makes me wonder if the fine folks at Fleshlight have ever used a dildo before?

  • fredo777

    haha what a cute novelty concept. curious, though, why these aren’t branded w/ the gay fleshlight brand, fleshjack?

    maybe they’re just marketing these to women via the main fleshlight site + gay men on the fleshjack one

  • Hyhybt

    @aagblog: Q-Tips have warnings not to put them in your ears, too. Perhaps a liability thing?

  • Dallas David

    I was hoping it would work like a real flashlight (shine in the dark) as well as provide ‘comfort’ to lonely spinsters.

    Kids could use something shaped like this as a safety device if it could be made to hold a couple of batteries and a light bulb. Police could make themselves more conspicuous while directing traffic with such a product, too.

    Nevertheless, it’s a good start.

  • Prudy McPrude

    You kinda have to wonder about someone who wants to be schtupped by a rotting Zombie dong!

    But I have been curious about the Franken-peen ever since they said in Young Frankenstein that it went without saying he’d have an enormous schwanzstucker.

    Re: the Bad Dragon toys. If it’s always been your dream to be diddled by Dragons or twaddled by tentacles, have at it I guess. Just don’t come crying to me when a video of you screaming “Pleasure me, Cthulhu, PLEASURE ME!” ends up on the internet!

  • Fleshlight

    These are so gross and amazing I don’t know what to think or feel lol

  • Btseven

    @Doug105 – that site is kinda disturbing. But hey, what ever blows your dress up!

  • Sabat

    No suction cups?

    Never buy a dildo without a suction cup.

  • An Ella Fan

    “……if you’d rather not bottom for the undead (prude!).”

    Funny stuff Daniel….

Comments are closed.