Queer Performers’ Impending Performances Incite Sexual Panic

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Queer entertainers John Waters and Sandra Bernhardt will both soon perform at the peace loving Unicity Festival in Middletown, Delware. And some of the townsfolk are sharpening their pitchforks.

From the Middletown Transcript:

Middletown businessman Jay Heath spoke against two of the headlining acts at the Unicity Festival scheduled for Aug. 2. He said the acts of film director John Waters and comedienne Sandra Bernhardt were obscene and promoted an “extreme liberal agenda” inappropriate for Middletown. “I know a lot of people who would consider this a threat to our wholesome, small-town atmosphere,” he said.

Acting Middletown Main Street Manager Tracy Skrobot said these acts are enclosed and in a place children cannot see them. They are also not paid for with taxpayer money. The Premier Centre for the Arts and Realize Records are putting on the entire Unicity Festival and Middletown Main Street, Inc., has just partnered with them to offer volunteers and any other non-financial support. “They wanted to have a nonprofit involved if they needed help,” Skrobot said.

Councilmember Jason Faulkner said the events would be guarded and ticketed. “We can control who goes and sees it,” he said.

Councilmember Kathy Kelly said she did not know about the acts and was shocked. “I’m disgusted with it,” she said.

Kelly then had a bout of projectile vomit, which spurred Faulkner to puke. Not wanting to be left out, Heath joined in the fun. For an example of what that totally fictional scene may have looked like, watch this: