Queer Questions: Is He A Gay?

Dear queer Questions,

I think a new coworker of mine is gay. How can I confirm this? I mean there are no gay whistles being blown (i.e., Prada bag, great fashion style, ultra-muscular body). What other signs/tricks are out there aside from throwing my face in his lap and testing the reaction?

Thanks,

Curious To Know

Dear CTK,

First, do some investigative work: look him up on Friendster or MySpace and Google his name. If no luck proceed to the next step.

We think the way to solve this mystery is quite simple actually. Tequila. Get a group of coworkers together for margaritas after work. Make sure it is mostly lightweights or coworkers with children with the hopes that everyone bails after a few drinks, leaving you and probable homo. When alone, make your move.

Tequila works as truth serum. After your fourth drink suggest you head to an obvious gay bar. Gauge his reaction. If excited, it’s an easy call. If he resists, order two more rounds. After his sixth, he’ll go anywhere. After his eight, he’ll do anything.

Trust us. It is a scientific fact that tequila turns straight men gay.

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