promise to self

Queerty‘s New Year’s Resolutions For: The 40-and 50-Year-Old Set

So far this week, we’ve suggested some New Year’s Resolutions for the kids, and then the youngins. Now it’s time we turn our attention to the 40- and 50-somethings, who might go by “middle aged” or simply “mature.” These are the folks who were growing up while Stonewall went down, so they might have a few more years of experience, notches on their bedposts, and self-promises yet to be fulfilled. Allow us to help.

Stop wearing Abercrombie & Fitch. This is a brand for young men who appear to never go through puberty, or do so without growing any body hair. It is not a means to stave off aging, and wearing these garments, particularly the ones with the A&F logo emblazoned across the chest, actually make you look older because you’re trying too hard. But that doesn’t mean you’re no longer allowed to dress with youthful intentions; might we suggest the wares of indie brands like Bonobos and Burkman Bros. to keep the sharp wardrobe without crying for your 20s back.

Think seriously about having a family. This is an idea, of course, for those who don’t already have them. We encounter plenty of 40- and 50-year-old gays (particularly men) who are still trying to live out the youth that they were robbed of, by being in the closet during high school and college. But nobody is getting younger, and the opportunity to have children that you’ll live to see graduate college and get married is closing in. But starting a family isn’t for everyone; we just just think abou tit.

But also: Sow your wild oats. Or maybe you’re the type who jumped into a relationship early on in life, and now find yourself with salt-and-pepper hair, wondering where all the years went. The answer is, they didn’t go anywhere; you’ve still go them. So use them. Have a fling. Have two! We already heard this week from one married-to-a-woman gay male reader who suggested we add “divorce your wife” to our list of resolutions, but, uh, not even we are going to counsel you on that right now.

Go find the queers from your past. While we may have recommended young LGBTs restrict their privacy when using sites like Facebook, the site is an excellent way not just to stay in touch with your current friends, but to find your old ones. You can search by the high school or college graduating class, or your hometown, to find the ghosts of your adolescence and campus life. And it only takes a few clicks to see which of these folks are “interested in” the same sex. There’s nothing more satisfying to learn the douchebag who always called you a “fag” or “dyke” is now gay, single, and ugly.

Start giving a shit about your health. There’s a reason that, come Thanksgiving, everyone goes around the table and says they’re thankful for their health. It’s because they have it. So go get your annual physical; go in for a dental cleaning; and dammit, go for a run, or at least a long walk. You can still big a big ‘ole bear and work on your fitness and keep your cholesterol in check. And that cigarette you’re reaching for? You can do better.

Try a new position. We’re not saying you’ve been doing it wrong, just that sex doesn’t end with missionary.