promise to self

Queerty‘s New Year’s Resolutions For: The 40-and 50-Year-Old Set

So far this week, we’ve suggested some New Year’s Resolutions for the kids, and then the youngins. Now it’s time we turn our attention to the 40- and 50-somethings, who might go by “middle aged” or simply “mature.” These are the folks who were growing up while Stonewall went down, so they might have a few more years of experience, notches on their bedposts, and self-promises yet to be fulfilled. Allow us to help.

Stop wearing Abercrombie & Fitch. This is a brand for young men who appear to never go through puberty, or do so without growing any body hair. It is not a means to stave off aging, and wearing these garments, particularly the ones with the A&F logo emblazoned across the chest, actually make you look older because you’re trying too hard. But that doesn’t mean you’re no longer allowed to dress with youthful intentions; might we suggest the wares of indie brands like Bonobos and Burkman Bros. to keep the sharp wardrobe without crying for your 20s back.

Think seriously about having a family. This is an idea, of course, for those who don’t already have them. We encounter plenty of 40- and 50-year-old gays (particularly men) who are still trying to live out the youth that they were robbed of, by being in the closet during high school and college. But nobody is getting younger, and the opportunity to have children that you’ll live to see graduate college and get married is closing in. But starting a family isn’t for everyone; we just just think abou tit.

But also: Sow your wild oats. Or maybe you’re the type who jumped into a relationship early on in life, and now find yourself with salt-and-pepper hair, wondering where all the years went. The answer is, they didn’t go anywhere; you’ve still go them. So use them. Have a fling. Have two! We already heard this week from one married-to-a-woman gay male reader who suggested we add “divorce your wife” to our list of resolutions, but, uh, not even we are going to counsel you on that right now.

Go find the queers from your past. While we may have recommended young LGBTs restrict their privacy when using sites like Facebook, the site is an excellent way not just to stay in touch with your current friends, but to find your old ones. You can search by the high school or college graduating class, or your hometown, to find the ghosts of your adolescence and campus life. And it only takes a few clicks to see which of these folks are “interested in” the same sex. There’s nothing more satisfying to learn the douchebag who always called you a “fag” or “dyke” is now gay, single, and ugly.

Start giving a shit about your health. There’s a reason that, come Thanksgiving, everyone goes around the table and says they’re thankful for their health. It’s because they have it. So go get your annual physical; go in for a dental cleaning; and dammit, go for a run, or at least a long walk. You can still big a big ‘ole bear and work on your fitness and keep your cholesterol in check. And that cigarette you’re reaching for? You can do better.

Try a new position. We’re not saying you’ve been doing it wrong, just that sex doesn’t end with missionary.

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  • DSNX

    As a 30 something who recently had to end a 3 1/2 year relationship with a guy who is about to turn 50 in a couple of weeks, I can say the “sow your wild oats” resolution is redundant. Freaking out about the half-century mark made him think he should take the opportunity to take whatever he could get whenever he could get it.

    I thought we were supposed to mature with age. Oh, well!

  • Fitz

    Try a new position? Sew your oats? lol. You arrogant child. I can, and do, fuck circles around the kinds of boys you usually see in MG. And now that I am old, and live in a college town.. trust me.. they practically back up to you and call you daddy when they first say hello. Speaking of which– add a little community involvement into the mix. Let’s work to give these kids what we should have had.

  • Asop

    Couldn’t have said it better than you, Fitz. You sound ravishing, by the way.

  • Brian

    How about NO MORE DAVEY WAVEY!

  • mark

    I’m beyond the 40-50 by 6 years and the “go look up friends of the past” recommendation and the GHOSTS you speak of,, actually are GHOSTS, you can read their names in the NAMES quilt….facebook is unnecessary for us.

  • Strepsi

    “There’s nothing more satisfying to learn the douchebag who always called you a “fag” or “dyke” is now gay, single, and ugly.”

    This is such a mean-spirited sentence, as it directs scorn not at the bully but at lonely gays! Wouldn’t it be better revenge to find out he is straight and saddled with 7 bitchy children?

    On behalf of ugly gays, shame on you Queerty. Shame.

  • Andrew

    I totally agree with the first resolution to quit wearing Abercombie and Fitch. I was guilty of this when I was 40 and now that I am a mature 45 (LOL) I look back on photos from then with cringing shame.

  • Swimmer - Chicago

    Not everyone wants children! Start a family – forgettahboutit! I think that is the worst possible advice.

  • Uppity

    Wow, more rules to have to live by. If a guy in his 40s and 50s wants to wear Abercrombie and Fitch, let him. What younger guys often forget is that a 45 year old can actually look 35 these days. But even if a forty or fifty-something looks his age, he can wear what he damn well likes. If someone else is going to judge him for it, then screw them!

  • ajax

    Why are you advising those who settled down to go out and have a fling? Way to respect our relationships, Queerty. May as well advise those who have a family to beat their kids.

  • terrwill

    Three words: “Just for Men”. Stuff works wonders, can be
    applied by oneself at home. Nothing makes a guy look older
    than gray hairs. They make JFM for beards and moustaches, which
    can be used for the lower level trim also. My friend had
    jus’ brokeup with long term lover, he’s 40 and was all
    gray and depressed. I bought both products for him, we went
    out few weeks ago and he felt and looked like he lost
    20 years of age……………

  • DSNX

    Exactly! Two-thirds Life Crises are NOT cute nor to be encouraged.

  • Michelle

    A naive but curious straight female wonders: What is the missionary position for gay dudes?

  • terrwill

    No. 13 · Michelle: Welcome Michelle, its upside down,backwards,
    slightly to the left………….. : P

    > All our positions are the same, just a few degrees South……

  • Michelle

    Terrwill: You’re talking about anal, right? Note: This information is crucial for my man-on-man sexual fantasies.

  • Alfonzo

    How about, start using some of your disposable income to help homeless gay/lesbian youth in our country. In the Phoenix area, 40% of homeless youth are GLBT. Our youth can do much more than strip, work as escorts and appear in adult films and websites. Rather than turn them into the bitter old queens that infest and pollute our community, we can teach them that they’re worth more than the parts of their bodies that go into their underwear.
    People of this age group are usually in positions of power to reach more people and make decisions about where corporate dollars go as well, so use your power and influence to help our youth.

  • dontblamemeivotedforhillary

    Queerty were called “Snarky” on Page Six-Six-Six of the New York (Com)Post today! Priceless!

  • Alan

    Michelle: I highly recommend the Bel Ami movie “Some Like it Big 2” for critical information of hawt man secks.

  • terrwill

    No. 16 · Alfonzo: Well said!

  • terrwill

    No. 17 · dontblamemeivotedforhillary: I am actually kinda ascared that Page 666 reads out posts………….

  • terrwill

    No. 20 · terrwill: sp: read: “our”

  • Michelle

    Thanks for the recommendation Alan. I’m a little familiar with Bel Ami but I prefer my imaginary gay boyfriends to have at least a smidgen of body hair. :)

  • Taylor Siluwé

    If the hair is gone on the top, no sense keeping the stuff on the sides. It’s silly, and makes you look much older. Much.

    And don’t just walk, or even run a little. At this age, fitness is key to keeping everything from heading south. Join a gym, or if you already belong to one, actually go – regularly. It not only keeps the aging muscles tight and alive (and alluring), but it also builds confidence which can also begin to point south like the nipple on a saggy pec.

    And for those complaining about this Queerty list – I always expect whatever is lacking in the original post to be adequately filled by the visitors who comment. After all, what would this site be without all the wise (and not so wise) people who regularly share their thoughts?

    So don’t just complain – contribute your wisdom to the motley mix. We’ll all benefit.

  • terrwill

    No. 23 · Taylor Siluwé: Could you please forward your first sentence to Donald Frump, pretty please………

  • Jon

    “Stop wearing Abercrombie & Fitch”: Oh hell. . .this is the only brand I’ve ever found that sells pants that actually fit my body. . .and I’m not going to pay 88 bucks for a pair of faux-pleated khakis that I have to take to a tailor to have altered.

    “Think seriously about having a family”: Many of us lived through the hell of the adoption process years ago, to be rejected by public and private avenues for only one reason. . .that Gay one. . .The heartbreak cannot be explained . . .nor can the irony that an adopted child (me) would grow up to know that he is denied family through adoption from the same people that placed him.

    “But also: Sow your wild oats”: Sorry again . . .”wild oats” have been sown, I fell in love over 20 years ago & have a very healthy and happy relationship. . .You think I a 50 year old should run out and have an affair? . .to prove what?

    “Go find the queers from your past”: This one I’ll take to heart, and have been doing a bit of over the past couple of years. . .but it’s difficult because many of us lived through a period when we were attending on average a funeral or memorial service weekly while our childhood “friends” were advocating for internment camps for homosexuals. Sorry, I have no interest in those people even if they did come out of the closet.

    “Start giving a shit about your health”: So the assumption is that anyone over 40 is an out of shape blob who doesn’t care about health and smokes like a chimney. .gee thanks.

    “Try a new position”: Perhaps it’s Qweerty that needs a new position . . .one that actually makes an attempt to understand who we are . .those of us who have spent our lives fighting for the “position” that you’re in today.

    Sorry, Qweerty = big fail on this one.

  • InExile

    Find an old friend………they may not all be ghosts!

    Last month I tracked down an old good buddy I had been trying to find for years (19 years). Both of us had moved so much we lost contact. I paid one of those sites to find him which at least gave me the state to look in. Then I did internet searches and found his resume on an employment website which listed his current employer. I called his work and bingo, it was him. It really was amazing to find him since his name is well put it this way, there are thousands of guys with his same name. This guy took me to my first gay bar when we were both twinks. We are going to get together soon, can’t wait!

  • Fitz

    I don’t like the idea of tracking down old ghosts. If you lost contact, there is probably a good reason. Live now, not 25 years ago.

  • Qjersey

    Like I’m gonna take advice from some twinkysomething who writes shit like “These are the folks who were growing up while Stonewall went down”

    Really? Gee if you are 50 today, you were 10 when Stonewall went down.

    Here’s the real truth. We are the folks who watched our friend die in the 1980s.

    We are the ones who got sneered at for being over 30 in the 1990’s then we turn 40 and every damn twink is calling us Daddy.

  • Freddie

    Oh, and…

    Stop writing checks to useless dipwad bureaucracies like GLAAD and HRC (which are also run by gays of your generation) while calling yourself an “activist.”

  • Fitz

    No 28.. it’s true.. but I try not to think about it. We were also there when our friends ALMOST died, only to go on protease inhibitors (what was that, like 94?). We were there when AIDS funding was a tip jar in a bar. But I don’t mind the twinks calling me daddy… I just find it hilarious when they think that they invented sex drugs and rock N’ roll.

  • Jon

    Perhaps Queerty should have asked someone appropriate to write this post, the ignorance is unbelievable.

    I’m not looking forward to “Queerty’s New Year’s Resolutions For: The 50-60-Year-Old or Dead Set”

  • Taylor Siluwé

    No. 24 · terrwill

    LOL – I sent a note to his people. They haven’t gotten back to me yet. ;-) Maybe we can get Rosie to do it.

  • Landon Bryce

    Work on abandoning shallowness. It is tolerable in younger gay men, but not in anyone over forty. Your surfaces are drooping, and you’ll be left with nothing soon enough if you haven’t developed anything under them.

    If you’re over fifty, you aren’t pretty enough any more that you are anything other than an asshole if you are still judging people’s actual quality (as opposed to their desirability as bedmates) based on their physical appearance. You are a troll now, and no one will listen to bitch about the looks of other people without finding you ridiculous and hateful.

    It’s also time to recognize that life is about more than money and toys. What are you here for? Why are you going to look back at your life (not just your career or your love life) in twenty years and be proud of the man you matured into? How are you making the world a better pace? If you don’t have kids, what is your legacy? If do have kids, what kind of life are you modeling for them?

    Be grateful you aren’t dead. Most of us are. Don’t be silent when you see other men fucking each other to death. We were there. We know.

    That’s my advice, from the age of 44.

  • Taylor Siluwé

    No. 22 · Michelle –

    Bel Ami boys DO have a smidgen of body hair. Just. (Bless ’em)

  • scott ny'er

    here’s one. but it’s for all ages.

    live life to the fullest and appreciate and show your appreciation to those near and dear to you.

    life is short. and years can go by quickly and then the next thing you know, those you love are sick and in trouble.

  • Jon

    @35 Scott Ny’er:

    “We live our life with no regrets and wish for nothing we do not already possess………oh hell ….even I don’t believe me.”

  • Disgusted American

    well Im gonna try to get things done,and stop procrastinating.
    work out harder and more often
    ..I already quit smoking 9months ago after 32yrs….
    ..try to stay in contact more with close friends..(I hybernate in winter)
    ..let my other half of 10yrs know I appreciate him more often.
    ..Im gonna try and be more upbeat,and not let lifes daily crap drag me political news /LGBT rights etc….

  • Disgusted American

    oh yea Im 49, and will be 50 July 31,2010

  • Miss Understood

    The worst thing about pissy fags is they love critiquing everyone around them. This is life, not some dumb cable makeover show!

    As much as I hate ANY clothing covered with logos on ANYONE, I do not think it’s my place to tell other people what to wear or how to live their life. “Start a family”? Are you insane? If someone wants to start a family that’s fine, but to make a blanket order to an entire generation is simply bizarre.

    I came out of the closet and moved to New York to get away from cultural dictators. Don’t tell me who to fuck, how to dress, and how to live.

  • James P. P.

    Stop fucking children.

    You’ll be long dead as they continue your insecure cycle.

    Donate time and extra money to help the community better itself instead (good call, Alfonzo). Lend a hand to a local HIV/AIDS organization. Start a new business. make sure everyone you love knows how much they mean to you. make a living will (that goes for any age, really). make sure you listen more than you speak – and speak more positive than you do negative.

    and schedule a colonoscopy.

  • hoganbcmj

    Wow, dude, do you even know any guys in their 40s and 50s? They are usually much healthier in their lifestyles and eating habits than any guys in their 20s and 30s. Most of the young gays I know act as though they couldn’t care less about what they eat, how much they drink and do drugs, etc. The biggest contributing factor that young gays consider in their “health” is what their bodies “look like,” and that’s about it. They over-tan, over-shave and take steroids and diet aides like they’re candy. This whole entry on your website is kind of out of touch with older gay guys.

  • schlukitz

    Queerty’s banner:

    “Queerty’s New Year’s Resolutions For: The 40-and 50-Year-Old Set”

    Which begs the question “Is there gay life after 50?”

    Sorry, Queerty. Epic fail.

    It reeks of youthful arrogance, a know-it-all attitude, preachiness and ageism.

    Shame, shame, shame.

  • Jon from Maine

    Fuck Off……..this art is shit….I’m almost throught with this site…..

  • Charles Merrill

    Daddies are hot. I had an hour session with porn star Chase Hunter (age 44)yesterday. What a hunk and he knows what to do with it.

  • Gurlene

    “Here’s the real truth. We are the folks who watched our friend die in the 1980s”. Thank you for commenting.

    I hit the big 5-0 back in April and cried because the three people that I had hoped to be here to celebrate it with me no longer are. One of them acutally is still here but the road his life took I decided to leave him where he was.

  • Ryan

    Start a family?

    how about instead we go find a queer 20 somehthing to mentor, teach and show what being gay is all about and getting involved in the fight for LGBT rights

  • Fitz

    46: that would be a lot easier if the 20-something didn’t either run from us or want to have NSA fun with us.

  • ChicagoLIberal

    I agree with the above who say get more involved in community and national issues. Donate time or money.

    Unfortunately I relate too much to the comment by #5 @Mark that if the writer had thought about this you would know that I was lucky to have survived the AIDs plague that took 12 of my closest friends and left me with 2 remants of my past – 1 an alcoholic and the other a conservative Orange Co. family man Log Cabin Republican.

    I do applaud the idea that at 50 I can wear what I want. I look forward to sporting a cape and a beret when I turn 50 in 18 months!

  • Christopher Major

    What a complete load of bollocks…I think my resolution as a freshly minted 40 yo will be to read a more intelligent blog.

  • forty2

    Whoever came up with this twaddle isn’t between 40 and 50.

    Start a family? Fuck you.

  • chgo921

    My love/hate relationship with this site continues. When you started these posts earlier this week, I thought it would be interesting to see what you’d say for my age group. Yeah, not so much. More disappointing, however, are the comments. I know that any list can’t possibly apply to everyone but damn, there’s not much in the original post or in the comments that apply to me.

    Just because you’re GLBT and older doesn’t mean you have (or ever had) enough disposable income to raise a family, lavish younger guys with gifts or make sizable donations to charity. And for those who may have had resources to do this, we too were impacted by the economic downturn.

    And while I can’t say I’d turn down the opportunity to have a “family”, it’s not something I feel a need or desire to do. At this point, I’d be happy to just find a guy in my age range who is interested in having a monogamous relationship with someone close to his age and not the youngest guy he can find.

    I had a happy and healthy childhood. Being home for Christmas made me realize I want to and NEED TO spend more time with my aging family because they won’t always be there to love and support me.

    Yes, I know people who’ve died from AIDS. I know more people, younger and older than I am, who are successfully living with this. I’m more concerned about the people in my life who succumb to the same ailments as the general population: heart disease, diabetes, etc.

    Regardless of age, trying too hard to be trendy just makes you look superficial. Not every 20 something can pull off A&F and not every 40+ guy can only rock Dockers.

    I’d continue but I’m even starting to bore myself.

  • Jon

    #46 Ryan: Here’s the elephant in the room. . .older gay men who don’t look like “grampa walton” are labeled as predators. .
    I grew up in a different era. I’m old and quite frankly tired. I don’t think I’ll live long enough to see equality in my lifetime, but I know it will be a reality for the generation born today. . .it’s a bittersweet for me, because I know I was denied parenthood on the basis of bigotry, and a child was denied loving parents and home. . .because of one and only one reason. ..that gay one.

  • Brian NJ

    I love this nice little note from Queerty. A best-wishes for a great new year kind of thoughtful sentiment. Sweet.

  • Lady Ga-Gasp

    NYR’s for Queerty, from a 40 – 50 year old:

    Don’t proffer unsolicited advice to individuals who have no interest in visiting this or any other website to be lectured. We get that drivel enough from some of the tragic commenters here.

  • WillBFair

    This is moronic, from the main post of advice for 50 year oldes written by uneducated twinks, to the usual biggoted commentary: ugly, troll, gray hairs, hateful, bitch, asshole, bitter queens polluting our community, etc… Just the kind of talk I need going on 52.
    I say be proud of your hard won emotional strength; enjoy your refined sense of joy and beauty; celebrate your favorite people, places, and activities; and help out where you can. I would say mentor the 20 year olds, but as these post show, they are still into low gay culture and have no use for knowledge and experience. It was the same when I was 17 and listening to my friends refer to other human beings as trolls. It wasn’t charming then and isn’t now.

  • Sexy Rexy

    I’m in my 40s now, and you know what? I DON’T WANT ANY FUCKING KIDS. AND I DON’T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT HAVING ANY!!!! My parental instincts were all used up on my brother’s kids. Please don’t tell us to become like straight folks who shove their crotchfruit in people’s faces, and their space, like they are owed something for reproducing! SPARE me.

  • cboy

    The last thing I need from you insufferable little twerps is advice on how to live my life. Get a real job.

  • Mark in Indiana

    Thanks to all my fellow 49 year olds who told Queerty how arrogant this was…

    I love being 49. I’m in good shape, I’ve been married for 13 years to a guy whose best quality is between his ears, have thrived with AIDS, and I know who the hell I am and what I want. I have my family, thanks idiot Queerty kids–finally. The one I always wanted.

  • Jon

    I think that’s the point of my earlier comment. . .one of them at least. . . .but . . .there are some of us who sincerely wanted to raise children, and many who, like yourself have no interest whatsoever. . .nobody forced you to want children. . .I sincerely don’t believe that anyone thinks that you should compromise yourself (even if only in jest).

    Reproducing isn’t a joke. . .not funny at the very least.

  • gomez

    what a snotty, condescending post. why single out older gays? and does gay life end at 60?

    i’m always amazed at the tendency for our community to turn on each other.

    fucking depressing.

  • Bob Lablah

    It might seem hard to believe for some but there are those of us who have hit 50 that are quite happy with not only hitting it but enjoyed and forgave the road on the way to it.

    I laugh when “kids” in their 30’s and 40’s tell me I look good for my age (can you imagine that)and what they like about me is how I don’t/didn’t hit on them. I am sure I am not the only one on here who is happy to say “I’m 50 and Proud!”

    I see too many guys who come in the gym that are “middle-aged” with the wrong attitude. That being abs, buns, pecs and shoulders. If you lack any of they above they are not interested and are too stupid to understand they themselves don’t have that either. They hit on the younger guys and get their feelings hurt when rejected and give up on their own health.

    You join a gym and keep up your health for you, not some stupid parade or the entertainment of making all heads turn when you walk in. Grow up please! You had your day and it is not a crime nor end of the world if you did not.

    My advice to any man over 50 is this when it comes to the gym:

    1. Never go over board in your workouts. Let the forty-somethings look absolutely stupid working out like they are still in their twenties with 40-plus written every in their forehead wrinkles.

    2. Look closely at your died head of hair. While you think you are fooling people into thinking you are 40 you forgot the grey hair on your chest and in your crotch. Dying your mustache might make you look more like Snidely Whiplash than a hot piece of ass.

    3. Ok, lighten up a little. We all know the big event (Gay Pride Parade) is the last Sunday in June and for you here it is already the first week in January. Try to understand it is not the fault of the skinny little twink with broomstick arms that the other curl machine is broke and he too wants to use “yours” while talking on his i-phone and giggling with each curl. You have to share equipment like all other dues paying memebers.

    4. Please TRY to understand why the “old queen on the next Ecliptical machine is looking at you as though “she” wants to slap the shit out of you because “she” really does not feel like hearing your old decrepit ass singing Brittany Spears or Beyonce (am I racist for saying that?) off key and at the top of your lungs trying to get the attention of that methed out hustler who might be the one breaking into lockers. People are looking (everyone except the trade you want to pick up) along with me and I WAS there first, thank you very much.

    5. Get rid of that horribly died black hair. Your are paying an arm and a leg for that membership only to be too cheap to go to the barber and get a good, professional dye means you are not as important as you honestly do think you are lying about your job.

    6. Never tell another 50 something who falls into any of the above categories that abs, buns, and pecs do not make a man. If they waited all this time to find that out it is best they be allowed to live out this fantasy because 60 would be too old to novice about it. And try not to laugh at them in June when they don’t make eye contact at the parade.

  • mark

    No 48 @Chicago Liberal

    I’ve had HIV/AIDS since 85′ as has my partner of 7 years, we each survived losing our lovers to the pandemic, for myself 7 close friends and countless aquaintances died, my lover has dozens of his friends gone too.

    Yes we were the lucky ones who barely survived until protease inhibitors, one friend could no longer swallow foods and had a hep port in his chest, made it too, I was down to 12 t-cells.
    So there isn’t anything you need to SHARE with me about the pandemic.

  • Michael Dean Montgomery Brockway

    As a 55 year old gay male I find this all deeply offensive. I hope Queerty will be banned from CNN next New Year’s Eve. If Queerty was David Letterman, I’d be demanding an apology.

  • Dan Garlitz

    Guess what? I’m 54 years old, hot, in shape, can get laid any time I want by 20 or 30 somethings in any position I want. I don’t need such vile, insulting advice from arrogant, ignorant twinks who think they are someone because of a lame blog. You jerks didn’t survive the 80’s, the Reagans, or watch the re-creation of gay LIFE/parties/community activism in the 90’s. Why do you think a family is an option for gays? So, Queerty can go learn how to f#*k themselves in more than just the legs up position. I will never look at this moronic excuse for a “gay agenda” again!

    Oh, did I forget? F#*K YOU

  • Gramps

    WOW, you sure missed the mark on this one! …so when your over forty you need to turn into Hank Hill? Lets see what they suggest for the sixty and seventy year old set!!? If they leave us out (and they will) does it mean we don’t count?? Just a thought? Tomorrows post might read like this…all gay AA meetings should be held in gay bars during happy hour! Makes about as much sense as your New Year’s Resolution suggestion to the 40/50 year old men!!

  • Don

    Hey all! Happy New Year!

    Thanks for the Bonobos love. We actually have customers that run the complete age gamut from teens to 80 year olds. Actually had a 70 year old call in and order the Sky Hooks (a pair of baby blue corduroy pants) for himself over the Holidays – have to love that.

    Great to see such a spirited debate on these topics. While some are specific to LGBT, some are relevant to the human condition irrespective of orientation.

    regarding the comment above – ‘”Stop wearing Abercrombie & Fitch”: Oh hell. . .this is the only brand I’ve ever found that sells pants that actually fit my body. . .and I’m not going to pay 88 bucks for a pair of faux-pleated khakis that I have to take to a tailor to have altered.’
    Come check us out at – we’re pretty positive that our fit is far superior to A&F and back it up with free shipping and a return any pant any time policy. If you don’t like them or they don’t fit, we’ll take them back. We have style ninjas standing by to help out with any style related questions as well. Just reach out!

    P.S. – It’s a strange phenomenon, but in Europe, A&F is marketed towards older gentlemen unlike the high school set in the States. Interesting how a brand remakes themselves in different markets.

    – The Bonobos Ninjas

  • Lukas P.

    Not 40 yet…but the 40/50 year olds I admire have this in common: they have perspective enough to know what matters to them (which is different for each guy) and they’re thinking seriously about what mark(s) they wish to make in the world. They have some perspective on what’s worth spending time/energy/money/brainspace on, and on what’s not worth spinning their wheels over.

    Hmmmm, uh-oh, that applies to guys I admire in their 20s to their 80s. Don’t know any 90 yr olds…

    Back to the drawing board…..

  • Paul

    Being in my late 40’s the life I have seen is beyond your wildest dreams……We lived a life you can never understand. Stick to the news Jr. I’m not looking for empty words from a synthetic boy.

  • Alexandre

    “Stop wearing Abercrombie & Fitch.”
    SO TRUE. NOTHING is more unattractive than those 40-50 year old men who still wear A&F and American Eagle and want to reclaim their youth.

    On a side note, I think gay men in their 40s and 50s are SO HOT!

  • Tessie Tura

    I will turn 50 in two weeks, fucked like a rabbit since my twenties, and am HIV negative today. I really don’t need ANY advice from the twerps who wrote this article on how to live my life. Perhaps I could give them pointers.

  • Fitz

    Oh, and PS to everything else I have said: every year seems to get better and better. At this age, I know who I am, I have decent income, a good relationship with my body, really dear friends, a wonderful partner, and I feel like I make my world a tad better. My advice to myself for the next decade is to keep doing what I do, and trust myself even more, because what I am doing works great for me. I have let go of almost all of the insecurities that come with young adulthood.. and nothing is sexier or more successful than appropriate confidence.

  • MissLaWanda

    Hello delovelies: mah resolution for dis year: get me a new weave! OH CHILD, woo hoo, hell’s yeah! Miss LaWanda is 44 and in need of some TLC… Blessings to y’all…

  • Bob

    A word of advice from a 57 year old with a 61 year old partner of 36 years…..have your flings together!!! We got back into the threeway scene a few years ago and have met many hot guys from 18 to 50. There are scores of hot dudes loving their daddies and when they can have two for the proce of one…they come running. Check out the daddy sites online….

  • Sam

    Though I agree with much of what has been commented on here, I’m sad to see that those who object to the stereotyping of 40 and 50 year olds have no problem turning around and stereotyping 20 year olds. I’m mid-30’s now, but have had close gay male friends from teenagers to seventy-somethings since I realized there was life beyond gay bars in my early 20’s. Though some younger gays deserve the criticisms here, 20-somethings are not all the same, now or back when I was one.

    And if you’re basing your judgment of 20-somethings on the ones you run into in gay bars, that’s your own damn fault. They relate to you based on whether they want to sleep with you or not because that’s what 20-somethings usually go to a gay bar for.

  • RomanHans

    This is the best news I’ve heard all year: there ARE a bunch of gay men my age who are smart, take care of themselves, and still fighting bullshit. (I spend $300 a year on clothes, exercise 3 times a week, live on tofu and broccoli. So, yeah, twenty-year-olds should lecture me.) Like the rest of you, I’ve seen our tribe decimated, and too often feel like an extra on Logan’s Run. Dudes, I tip my hat off to you, and some day soon I’d love to buy you a beer and congratulate you for lives well lived.

  • Taylor Siluwé

    @ No. 75 · RomanHans

    **applause** Great comment. Though I plan to be around for the resolution advice for the octogenarian from 20-somethings, too. lol

    Then we’ll have that drink, and discuss lives really well lived!

  • Ian

    Good lord! Having transplanted to Asia 23 years ago, it’s always a bit of culture shock to confront American culture’s hang ups about age (not to mention sex). This article brought back memories of American age neuroses with your first point about wearing A&F as inappropriate for men over 30. Talk about totally brainwashed by branding – come on! develop a mind, practice a little critical thinking and you may come to realize what a completely asinine conformist mindset the author of this point has. NOT conforming to society’s pat assumptions on what a person of a certain age must or must not wear in order to receive the approval of anonymous ninnies, and seeking true freedom of expression by being one’s self seem to be a more worthy pursuit for a group of people who have only recently asserted that “acceptable” social norms can be redefined by simply that – expressing yourself honestly – otherwise, we would all be married with 2.5 children – wouldn’t we?

  • Fitz

    No 77: I don’t need to take shit from some old rice queen. :)
    (this is my idea of a joke.. your points are actually valid).

  • biatches

    Bitter bitter grandpas read this site!
    LOL u will never have my youth again :p

  • Bob

    No. 79

    Hope you make it to become a bitter grandpa yourself. And, BTW, read #73…do we sound bitter? We are probably happier that you are now….

  • schlukitz

    No. 77 · Ian

    As a person who has a home in Asia and has spent a good portion of the past eight years there, I can relate to what you say.

    Asians are not hung-up on age, as we seem to be here in the west and they display a great deal more respect for their elders whom they look up to and admire for their experience and advice.

    I too, often shake my head in wonderment at the brainwashing by huge corporations who, literally, dictate what we eat, look at, use and wear. they have turned us into a bunch of conspicuous consumers who spend all of their waking hours trying to be “with it” and hip, so that the CEOs can continue paying themselves annual salaries in the millions of dollars along with huge expense accounts, perks and bonuses.

    I say screw them all. Be who you are. Wear what you will and do as you like and if that puts you on the outs with any of your shallow peer group, then they were not worth hanging around with in the first place.

  • ggreen

    Why would any one over 40 want to have sex with a 20-year-old? They know nothing about sex and are usually allergic to the kind of real intimacy that makes sex hot and fulfilling.

  • ggreen

    PS IF you cant have great sex with your partner, you are doing it wrong.

  • Bob

    No 83

    Just wonder how long you have been with your partner? It is still great but variety is the spice of life. Even if you love steak, you need chicken (excuse the pun) once in awhile.

  • Alexandre

    @no 79, bitches
    hahaha, riight?!

  • schlukitz

    No. 79 · biatches

    Bitter bitter grandpas read this site!
    LOL u will never have my youth again :p

    One day, you too will be old, and someone will be saying the exact same thing to you.

    What goes around, comes around.

    Life’s a bitch. ;)

  • Alexandre

    @ No. 86 Schlukitz

    he was only saying that because these bitter old queens were putting us young ones down.

  • schlukitz

    No. 87 · Alexandre

    Yes. I realize that and I do not condone putting anyone down, young or old. I treat young people with the same respect that I would like to be treated with as a senior citizen.

    Sooner or later, we all become the victims of our own thoughtless and uncaring comments. If you look at the heading of this thread, written by younger people at Queerty, it was not these “bitter old queens”, as you yourself put it, that fired the first shot.

    It’s a little too much like the Mormon Church taking offense at the comments of gay people, after they took our rights away in California.

    Just sayin’

  • Alexandre

    @No. 88 · schlukitz

    fair enough. you shouldn’t be calling yourself a senior citizen…how old are you anyways?

  • schlukitz

    No. 89 · Alexandre

    73 qualifies as being a senior citizen. ;P

    Nothing looks sillier than an old person in denial. lol

  • Alexandre

    No. 90 · schlukitz

    hahaha, i’ve met some hot 70 somethings. just sayin’

    but I don’t consider anyone a senior citizen until you’re in a senior citizen home

  • Taylor Siluwé

    No. 82 · ggreen

    “Why would any one over 40 want to have sex with a 20-year-old?…”

    Oh, boy. Who has the time to explain this one?

  • schlukitz

    No. 91 · Alexandre

    but I don’t consider anyone a senior citizen until you’re in a senior citizen home

    Well, they say that one is only as old as they feel.

    The universe has been kind to me, as have you. I am still very active, have many varied interests, travel a lot, drive my own car, still have (most)of my marbles and do many of the things I did as a younger man. I sometimes find it hard to believe, as do those who know me, that I am in fact, 73.

    Having left home at the age of 14, I am a fiercely independent man who does not see himself ever being in a senior citizen home, if I have anything to say about it.

    I jokingly tell my friends, after having spent an awful lot of money making improvements on my home in Florida and who say to me that I am never going to get my money back if I sell it “The only way I am leaving this house, is feet first in a pine box.” lol

  • Dasher

    @22 Michelle – You might try X-Tube, I’m sure there is something there for you. Meanwhile, if you’d like to get warmed up for that, here is a link to a YT video of two BelAmi boys kissing. Sorry, one has shaved armpits, but what are you going to do with these kids today? This was on another thread the other day, so I apolgize if you saw it already.

  • HotYoungStud

    Old men (40s and up) having sex with younger men (18-20s), is fucking gross. Stick to your own grandpas and leave us hot young things alone. You already had your life and chance. Now its our turn. Fuck yeah!

  • romeo

    Where you been, HotYoung? It’s known as commerce! LOL

  • Marc

    Really, Hot? I thought when I hit my 40s, that young ones were out of my reach. Gave completely up on it. And I was shocked to learn that many like older men who know their way around a bedroom. The key is taking care of yourself, thinking young, and – occasionally — wearing that A&F shirt just to prove to people you can still look good in it. Am I trying to recapture my youth at times? Well, so be it. Why does everyone say it like it’s a bad thing?

  • Fumo

    Hate is nasty y’all. It’s a total waste of energy stop hating on each other, say what you wanna say and peace out. It’s amazing how immature some of the “mature” commentators are being.

    I’m in my early 20s and I live by some pretty basic ideas. One is let go of the hate, drama, and negative energy Nothing good can come of it.

    And btw not all of us youngins are a**holes. Some of us are looking for a great personality, kind eyes and a great smile.

    Be good in your life.

  • Andrew

    I like who I am at 42 a whole lot better than when I was 22. I am much more secure in who and what I stand for. I am proud of having survived the 80’s and found love in the 90’s. It’s not that awful when somebody calls you Daddy as they grab their ankles! The only thing I lost with my youth was my hair. I’ve gained too many wonderful things to regret my age.

  • ousslander

    terrwill is right about Just for men. My aging(beautifully?) ass used it, of course a good friend works for the compnay and I get it free.

  • Michelle

    @94 Dasher – Thanks for the suggestions. Unfortunately, right now I only have internet access at work and my employer frowns on accessing porn – whether hetero or homo! When I did have access at home I subscribed to Randy Blue.

  • Loveme

    Yo ol´bitches haah, dont cruise me anymore!

  • schlukitz

    No. 102 · Loveme

    “Yo ol´bitches haah, dont cruise me anymore!”

    That’s a joke, right? And you think that kind of a comment entitles you to respect?

  • Loveme

    Schlukitz, loser, old hag hahah, jealous of the hot and young like me? eat it baby…

  • Alexandre

    @104 Loveme
    seriously, it’s people like you that make me hate other gays. shallow and disgusting.

  • romeo

    Why do I suspect that “Loveme” (fat chance) is like 84 years old and just playin’ ? LMAO !

  • Robert

    Well, I’m 48 (will turn 49 in March), and I was eight when Stonewall happened. So there. :P
    Been happily married to a wonderful man for fifteen years. We have two (adopted) sons, one eight and one twelve. We live here in Oakland, CA, in a lovely home in a nice neighborhood. I sometimes joke that we’re a theme song and a wacky neighbor away from being a sitcom.

    That said, I think some of the comments here are quite pertinent. How I’m living my life is not for everyone; on the other hand, hanging out at the bar/club/bathhouse every weekend is definitely not for me. What I would like to see is a greater degree of fellow-feeling and acceptance of _modi vivendi_ other than one’s one.

  • Loveme

    Eat me bitches!

  • Alan

    I came out to my father at the age of 17 in 1980 THEN joined the military traveled the world,but left after 4 years…Had 2 sexual affairs with fellow airman and lots of sexual teasing with other guys,but kept my composure so not to be kicked out…I received my honorable discharge.

    MTV started the same month I joined the A.F. August 81 so I am first generation MTV…last of the boomers pretty much,but Never have really been in the closet..REMEMBER being an adolescent in the 70’s was tough because there was not much in the way of Homosexual mentors in the public eye…IF ONLY BRADY BUNCH DAD HAD CAME OUT!!! I read EVERYTHING I could on gay issues and remember the Harvey Milk trial and reading about the backlash as Mr white got his wrist slapped

    I also remember my first readings of the “GAY CANCER” and then losing good close friends to AIDS in the late 80’s and early 90’s

    I marched in my cities first Gay Pride parade,but I am quite content now at the age of 46 with my 40 yo partner. We don’t wear AB. My partner was a professional model and has been on national mag covers,but now we shop the discount bins..WE are happy!

  • Rob Moore

    For those who jumped on the suggestion to start a family, consider this. Family is what we make it. It can be a group of friends who are as close as siblings. It can be as a wise adult to a young one who needs someone trustworthy from whom to seek advice. It can be as a volunteer working with young children who have no reliable adults in their lives or if they do, they still need a safe haven whilst the parent is working. It can be adopting a child or it can be adopting an elder who otherwise is alone.

    But don’t be so quick to dismiss the idea of actual children. I have two, now grown. Even though they came from a time in my life when I felt compelled to marry, they have also been a priceless gift. Now one of them has two very young children who allow me to experience that same happiness of absolute trust, unexpected smiles, sloppy kisses on the cheek, a special name only they use for their grandfather, and seeing wonder in new, old things that I forgot were wondrous.

    Just so you know, I am out and while I might be 55, I still notice cute guys and handsome men. I also still mourn dead friends and family who did not survive the plague. I am also certain that Queerty meant well even though I had to smile at the naivete apparent in the article, which reminded me how naive I have been at times.

  • zenflo

    I enjoy Queerty. Really, I do.

    I just wish you (eds) would spend less time generating piffle, and a bit more time honing your headlines (too many to specify here) that oftentimes get really catty while drifting away from the actual page content.

    But I really do enjoy you.

  • nbr

    @Alfonzo: here,here. well said!

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