The question of racial dating preferences has certainly been a hot button issue on Queerty recently.
Both I’m From Driftwood video subject Nelson Lassiter and yours truly have offered very different opinions about whether race-based dating preferences are racist, but there are a whole world of commenters out there and Queerty wants your thoughts about the issue, free of shaming or judgement.
So, we pose the question to you, Queerty members: Do You Prefer To Date Guys Of One Race?
My comment is to the author of this article. Actually, I’ve seen the same spelling error in about half a dozen articles within the last coupe of hours. The word “Judgement” is not spelled with an “e” after “g.” The correct spelling is “judgment.”
For what it’s worth, a great majority of lawyers — people who should have learned to spell this word in law school — make the same error.
I do not have a preference for dating a particular race. I have dated guys in my race and guys not in my race. For me, other factors are important.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
Its hard (no pun intended, I think :p)to fathom why a guy would limit their choice to a single race………Whether its for an epic love tale or an epic one night stand you got look at the individual not the race……….
I am a white masculine pretty muscular guy. I have been with/dated a whole spectrum of guys from femmmine guys, to twinks, to Black, to Asian guys with nothing being my deciding factor except if I am attracted to or if they are interesting…………
And by being open you can also find that stereotypes are certainly not always true. Including that all Black guys are hung like horses and that Asian guys are hung like cashews
Honestly, I Prefer to date guys of my race. And also, I think that mixed-race guys can be attractive too.
I cannot avoid it in the same way as I cannot avoid I like men.
@Bully2: My comment is to you… The English language and language in general is always evolving and not often black and white. Do not assume that because you do something one way it is always right and someone else is always wrong. Both forms are relatively correct and it comes down to personal opinion.
I prefer to date white or Hispanic. I do not believe it is discrimination to not date people you are not attracted to. I would date a person of any race that I found attractive.
I prefer to date men of mine own race. However I won’t apologize it.
We have may specifications for the people we date that is also based upon genetics: their height, eye color, hair color, voice, etc.
Again, preference vs exclusion. Of course we all have preferences. I am Black and Latino and now prefer to date Black and Latino guys, or other men of color. Growing up I lived in a predominantly White neighborhood and went to primary and secondary school with predominantly White males. So my first crushes and sexual experiences were with White guys. Then through travel and going to university, I was exposed to different types of people and my attractions to various races grew.
So even tho I prefer to date Black or Latino guys now, cute is cute and there is such variation in any race that I wouldn’t limit myself to just Black guys or just Latino guys, but those are who I prefer to date for not only physical attractions, but intellectual and ideological similarities. No you are not rac*ist if you prefer to date one race. Saying I prefer to date other (fill in the blank) guys is different from I ONLY date (fill in the blank) guys.
@PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS: totally agree man!
I feel that if the editorial staff at Queerty is going to continue to feature posts that explore racial dating preferences, which I do believe is a good thing (the discourse, not the preferences), then you all also need to start including the social, cultural, and historical contexts and prisms through which many of them are forged. Relying on opinions and personal perspectives only help but so much before the conversations devolve into the same tired patterns of name calling and criticism as usual. This question you pose requires no more than simple yes or no answers that get us no further along the road to analysis or understanding.
My history of men is quite random. I’ve found that I am attracted to lean guys, thick guys, black men, white men, Asian men, middle eastern men, and all the like. Being in the Army and overseas, I was exposed to men from all walks of life and it was nice seeing so much variety, especially having grown up in an all black town. If I were honest, my preference is for black and latino men, and other races with a rugged look. Put me between Joel McHale and Djimon Hounsou and rotate me like one of those luau pigs lol. Then Taye Diggs and Jay Hernandez… and then — what the hell — EVERYBODY join in!!!
Oh, and Adam Scott. I’m joking, but I would seriously fuck every single one of them. And the Indian guy from Big Bang Theory… that ass, man
@Bully2: The spelling is used differently depending on countries. In the UK Judgment is mainly used in non-legal context. In the US judgment prevails in all contexts (damn Americans destroying the Queens English) 😉
In New Zealand, Judgement is the most common used spelling. So it all depends on where you are from, but both ways are correct.
Never dated, but if I ever do I would not care about race, but about attraction. I have felt attracted to caucasians, asians, arabs, etc. etc. Though I think the most important think when dating someone would be culture. Would I be able to be with him long-term without cultural barriers harming a relationship.
For example is there a huge difference between a white American and a white Dane. Danes are less religious, our morals would make the Republicans pissed. So I would have no problems with race but I do think there could be problems with our cultural differences.
Yes. The HUMAN race!
I’ve dated all kinds of guys, but the ones who keep showing up with regularity (until I finally married one) are Asian men.
I prefer to form relationships with men with whom I have a lot in common. That means I tend to date guys in my age range and who have a similar set of views and values (but not identical) in a wide range of areas. So typically, those men tend to be middle-aged white guys, but not always. I lived with a great guy who also happened to be Asian for almost three years back in the early 90’s. His race was not a consideration for me. It was incidental.
Three years ago, I dated an African American man for about 8 months. Again, his race was incidental. We had a lot in common, and the color of his skin mattered little to me. Ironically, he broke up with me because of MY race. His friends (mostly African American) thought I was “too white” and they apparently pressured him into ending things.
Hookups, however, are a different story entirely. If I’m just looking to get laid, it’s all about the mutual physical appeal. Again, race isn’t an issue, but neither is anything else. It’s all about attitude and sexual compatibility. Skin color be damned!
Myself , I have a thing for a well built Brazilian man . Ouch ! lol
I love men of all “races” (we are all part of one human race, its not like we are humans, dwarves, elves and space aliens dating each other) but I love men of all ethnic make-ups. To me a great guy is a great guy and sexiness can be found everywhere. From my own personal experience “intellectual and ideological similarities” are not restricted to your own “race”. I do tend to like to date men with intellectual and ideological similarities and that has in NO way forced me personally to stick with only one ethnicity. That being said, I do have a physical preference for men with dark hair and olive or bronze skin tones, which makes many men of color ideal in that respect but so are Italian men and other white men with very dark hair and complexions. But even that is not a hard requirement. My fiance is very fair in hair and skin, and he is the absolute love of my life and I find him to be absolutely beautiful.
Prejudice is an unjustified or incorrect attitude (usually negative) towards an individual based solely on the individual’s membership of a social group. The extent in which we draw discrimination as prejudice is sickening.
Preferenceis liking one thing or one person better than others. This could simply translate into favoring one over the other, the right, power, or opportunity of prior choice or claim. There are a number of things which I prefer over a lot. I could probably list a million things and people if dared, but I will leave that for another topic.
I think the biggest problem for gay men is HOW they state either implicitly or explicitly (to their friends, online and quite possibly to themselves) their preference for a particular race, age group, body type, etc.
@tdx3fan: Did you fully understand the citation you gave? I quote from your source, “In American English, judgement is generally considered a misspelling of judgment for all uses of the word, notwithstanding individual preferences.” That does not mean that judgement is an acceptable spelling in American English. It means the opposite of that. A personal preference doesn’t outweigh the etymology of a word.
Which is it: judgement or judgment?
Judgment is the preferred spelling; judgement is a variant spelling. Unless you have a good reason to go with the latter, choose judgment. In the UK, judgement is still the correct spelling. But ever since Noah Webster decreed the first e to be superfluous, Americans have omitted it. If you write judgement you should also write colour and tyre!
I don’t get why Queerts wants to judge guys for what they like. It’s not like these guys hate another race. I see THAT going on as well for real, and it is truly bothersome.
..I never thought about Race – It just mattered IF I liked the guy ……..Im open to all.
I hate how people are being cheeky talking about some “we’re all the human race”. Race is a social construct created by white people to perpetuate white supremacy and because of it minorities are treated a certain way that white people aren’t. So I find it very annoying that they get to turn around and be like “we’re all one race”, conveniently denying their part in why we talk about race and how race affect those of us who aren’t white.
As far as the topic goes, no I don’t have a preference. I am a gay man so I’m attracted to men. Trans men and men of all races.
@tdx3fan: I am not picking on you or anything, but you do realize, that Hispanic can literally be any color, right?
Lets talk about the more important factors in dating some one,like:
Initial attraction, clicking, and of course culture as in a common type of behaviors and believes, in other words compatibility.
Now, we all know that finding some one is easy, the hard part is to keep them LOL
I love a man that’s tall, dark and handsome. If he fits that description race is unimportant.
@Bully2: Use of the “e” after the “g” is considered the British spelling.
This is spot on true.
I have absolutely zero preference regarding race, ethnicity, or skin color. I’m white and I live in a state that is 98% white, so sadly I’ve had very few opportunities to meet or date guys who aren’t white, but I would be totally open to it if the opportunity ever presented itself!
I don’t “date” much, but I prefer men who I find attractive. Personality, intelligence and sense of humor are as important as physical appearance. I have had romances/sex with skinny hairless Asian men, burly hairy Italian men, short stocky brown-skinned Latino men, big chubby black men, pale red-haired white men and dark-haired Jewish men who look somewhat like me. Once you get past the initial physical attraction it’s the personality and attitude, sensuality, passion, sensitivity, humor and “je ne sais quoi” that matter. If there’s a connection, there’s a connection; race, ethnicity and looks become irrelevant.
@1898: 98% white? I’m guessing Vermont, Maine or the Dakotas. Am I right?
@Bully2: I’m an English teacher and a stickler for correct spelling, grammar, vocabulary, etc. But I must say that I find the “judg(e)ment” issue a bit petty. Can you think of any other verb where the “e” is dropped when “-ment” is added?
Michael and Vito are both cute and hot and look very happy together. Best wishes to them.
@jwtraveler: Maine. Good guesses! 🙂
I prefer to date people of all different “races.” Why? Because it’s fun and it’s pretty easy to find people when you’re not beholden to Westernized standards of beauty all the time.
Asians, Latinos, Whites, Blacks all have interesting and attractive people amongst them and I look forward to continue meeting them.
It’s gone very well so far. 🙂
@jwtraveler: There are a lot of Somali, Rwandan, Congolese, and Sudanese immigrants in my city, and more arriving all the time, which is wonderful, but I’ve yet to encounter an [openly] gay one. Maybe someday. 😉
@jwtraveler: I’ve never understood the dropped “e” in “judgment.” Ever. It’s always struck me as rather arbitrary.
@Zekester: I almost said the same thing so now I’m going to have to be original. As someone who’s hooked up with a female to male transsexual who still had a vagina I’m thinking now I’m just attracted to the male form.
I only date men of African descent, such as myself.
As long as their good hearted, and fun to hang with I do not care about race ,age, weight height, or any of that superficial BS
i have ONE very specific racial preference, and it’s non-negotiable:
i’m only into guys that don’t have racial preferences. you’er not into “blacks or asians”? them i’m not into you. that’s my preference.
@Garth: You do realize Brazilian is not a race?
@Arcamenel: Well said!
I see absolutely no reason to limit myself. Prior to meeting my partner of four years, who is Chinese Hawaiian, I dated every color imaginable. Okay, maybe not EVERY color, but I look for the heart and qualities of a man. I think anyone who doesn’t is limiting themselves and has a limited mindset.
I absolutely prefer guys of one race: THE HUMAN RACE.
Most men I know who are into men of a variety of ethnic backgrounds and appearances are those who have MET those men or traveled the world. I thought white, blond, blue-eyed surfer boys were the world until I visited Spain, Greece, Cyprus and Egypt.
Cute, attractive, good-looking, well shaped humans can come in any “race”. So no.
Alan down in Florida
As a dreadfully shy guy I always wait until I’m approached. Not fitting the stereotypical image of a hot guy (I’m a 4 on a good day) I only date interested guys. If they’re interested enough to approach me then I don’t care what their race or ethnicity is.
I’m less likely to find men in certain races to be attractive but I’ve dated a wide range of men from various races. I’ll take an Italian or Latin man any damn day of the week but I still keep my options open.
Having a preference isn’t wrong at all. I know I don’t have a chance with those washboard ab guys… You just gotta roll with it. Not everyone’s gonna like everyone else. I definitely have a type. I’m a young latino guy and most guys I date are mature white guys. I just love the Robin Williams type, grr. And there’s nothing wrong with that!
On another note, I am so sick and tired of ethnic guys (I’m ethnic too, so don’t go there) that blame white people for racism and their racial preferences… As if white guys that prefer white guys should have to go through some sort of ‘learn to like ethnic guys’ therapy. It doesn’t add to our plight whatsoever. Pssh there’s hardly even a plight anymore, anyway.
@Arcamenel: If you want to be a bitter clown, be my guest but *definitely* leave me out of it.
Not really. I tend to gravitate toward white guys just because they are what are around me at the time.
I do kinda have a thing for Latin guys, but its just because I find them attractive, not some cultural fetish thing.
I usually get awkward comments from people who think you’re an Uncle Tom or some kind of race betrayer if you’re into white guys. But I’m mainly attracted to white men(and black women not that that counts whatsoever). I grew up in the rural south so I was mainly around other white guys, the first guy to ever have a crush on me was white, my best friend was white, etc, etc. So it’s not that I find white skin some holy grail or anything, I’m actually way more critical of white guys for every little thing than I am with other guys over comments/behavior.
Growing up I was taught black men were my brothers, so as I kid I saw other black males as my brother. So now I just don’t really look at other black guys as a viable option just like I wouldn’t look at any sibling as a viable option. Especially since where I’m from you could end up dating your cousin and not know it(I’m serious).
There are also way less people of groups other than black around me at all times. I don’t fit in with most black people, I’m light-skinned so I get negative comments about that, and I got bullied a lot as a kid so the constant “dozens” game is not something I want to be apart of(even though no one calls it that anymore you better have thick skin even around family).
Personally I don’t give two chits if a white guy isn’t into me, there are plenty who are, and plenty of other fish in the sea. I also find it kinda weird when people want to date those who look EXACTLY like them, but that’s their choice.
I’ve found Hispanic guys attractive but most tell me they have rac-ist family members who do not want black people around(yes they’ve explained this to me in detail despite my request not to be informed about it lol… they felt bad). I’ve never met an Asian person who would even give me the time of day.
So my choices are basically black or white and it’s usually white guys who have always found me attractive and black guys who give me crap about my skin tone since I’m not “black enough”. That said there have been black guys who lay it on really thing with the “kid” and “son” thing that try to hit on me and I’m severely turned off. White guys have tried that same silly slang while hitting on me and I’m turned off by it. So maybe I’m not black enough.
I do find it ironic that white guys are the only ones allowed to have preferences without opposition from other white guys, but if anyone else has a preference they get opposition, and nasty comments from literally everyone else who isn’t included. I don’t care about being “black”, I’m a human, like every other human. And well my skin color ironically is closer to white than black. There are plenty of white people darker than me and have pointed it out to me holding out their arm…
If I grew up more around other black people, hadn’t been told that all black males were my brother, and didn’t know that I could accidentally end up dating a cousin then maybe.
Funny story the first black guy I was extremely attracted to was possibly my cousin because I met him at an Aunt’s house who moved across country. I don’t know if he was a relative or a neighbor. I can’t.
I don’t find white guys attractive in the least bit so no I do not date outside my race, plus white guys usually have a twisted fetish with African Americans sexually.
Hot is hot, sexy is sex, nice is nice.
Why limit yourself? You’re going to meet more of a particular race depending on what city or neighborhood you live in, but it seems stupid to rule out an entire group of people because you have told yourself for some reason you don’t like them.
I normally prefer Brunettes, but if I was out dating and had a great conversation with a sexy redhead or a great looking blonde should I say “Oh, sorry, only brunettes here.”
Same with races. Again, seems stupid to limit yourself.
@Cornellcw3: I get it, you’re a bigot.
@Bully2: Only in American English. In Australia and Brittan, it’s spelt with the “e”.
@Captain Obvious: Okay. As an adult, those experiences aren’t set in stone. You can change your mindset if you want to.
I never looked at race, and dated plenty of men from all walks. But have been told by several Southern gay men that I should “Date within my race” when I approached a man of color (by other men of color). I’m glad I moved out of the south.
I am married; my husband is African American, I am white. It had nothing to do with race; we just really hit it off from the first night. 17 years ago.
@Cornellcw3: lmao! A “twisted fetish”? Twisted? Jesus, you are melodramatic. LOL And no Black guy has EVER fetishized a white man right? Its simply NEVER *ever* happened, right?
@Bully2: Actually Judgement is also correct. Check the dictionary.
It is one of those english words were both british and american spellings are acceptable.
@Blackceo: Exclusion is our right, just as you have a right to be inclusive.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with either.
@Arcamenel: Race is not JUST a social constract. That PC line is getting tired.
There are clearly visible physical differences between different groupings of the human ape specie. We simply call it race.
Now to answer the question.
I don’t usually date in the getting to know and romancing someone sense.
I simply find a sex partner when I need to unload.
I have been infatuated twice in my life and had what one would call a relationship. They were both black.
I have friends of all races and find many to be good looking.
But for sex or for a limited relationship, I am only attracted to members of the negro race. The darker the better.
So yes I do limit myself to people of my own race.
I’m definitely ‘down with the brown’ as they say…
When I was a kid, I loved all the Italian boys cuz that’s what was in the ‘hood. Now I’m surrounded by latin folks & have no complaints. Although I also speak Spanish, I think that’s just a bonus. As another mentioned above… it really is the dark & handsome that gets me going.
I haven’t dated a white guy in a long while. It’s a cultural mix that I’m after.
I am a white guy but prefer any race other then white as long as they are masculine.
This might sound pathetic, but I actually hate myself for having a preference for white/light skinned guys. That doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to black/darker skinned guys, I find PLENTY attractive. But yeah, unfortunately my preference tends to be white. I say unfortunately since most guys in the gay community always fall for white guys, and I feel like I’m just another who fell in the trap lol. I guess we can never truly know what makes us prefer one race over another, but I do know the media and your upbringing plays a big part in it. If only preferences didn’t exist.
When my spouse and I met, we were aware of our racial differences only because we grew up in environments that made race an issue. Twenty five years later, the blackness or whiteness of our skin are only discussed when we remind each other to apply sun screen during beach trips with our children. Life is short…love who you love.
A Tale of Two Dads is our love story.
@TrueWords: Amen, brother. While I am an “all of the above” guy as far as dating, everyone has their preferences. But being an asshole about it (i.e. “no Blacks or Asians”) is just being a bigoted jerk.
I date who ever is attractive. I really don’t have a preference. I am particularly attracted to international types of men. I find that there are men of all races that are attractive as well as men of all races who are not attractive to me. It really depends on a combination of the person, intelligence, and physical attributes.
Frankly I don’t “give a dam” and couldn’t be bothered what race you are. If I had my way I’d get to know and even hopefully if lucky have sex with a person from every single ethnicity race background religion creed color and so on and so forth that exists. We are human. People are beautiful and should never be judged especially when others don’t know them, and should always be given the benefit of doubt.
@odawg: Why should I? Because it bothers you?
Black people always have something to say about other black people who don’t particularly want to date other black people and then want to be the first to turn around and cry racism. Please go have many seats to the left.
I felt like I had a preference for Latinos, but also dated Asians, black guys, and guys who (like me) are white. I’m married to a white guy now, and we’re still monogamous in our tenth year, so it looks like it’s white meat for me from here on out!
I’m Caucasian and my preference is generally other Caucasian guys and Latino/Hispanic guys. Race has never been at the front of the thought though, it’s just do I think their hot yes/no? It’s not my brain that’s doing the thinking. In the case of relationships then that’s a whole other story because there’s so many more factors to consider. So yeah, have I fancied a Black or an Asian guy? No. Will I ever? Anything’s possible, would be foolish to deny myself happiness. What we consider physically attractive changes anyway.
@DarkZephyr: White men aren’t fetishized. They are considered the standard to which everyone is held. You have no idea what you are talking about.
@Captain Obvious: Please love yourself more. Self-hate isn’t cute on anyone. You can overcome internalized racism, it takes a while but it’s possible. Speaking from experience.
@dave lopes: Political correctness encourages multiple opinions by embracing minority opinions. If you’re looking for constant power struggles, if you want to dominate others around you at all times, then I can see how you would hate political correctness and any further conversation probably won’t get us anywhere. But, if you value diversity in thought, if you want to work with others around you, then just think of political correctness as an imperfect tool, a reminder to respect others’ opinions when it’s inconvenient (when you’re most likely to cause harm). You don’t always have to say what’s politically correct, just keep it in mind when you’re in a disagreement. At least, that’s what I do, and I’d recommend it.
@Arcamenel: when you overcome OUTWARD racism, you can lecture others on INWARD racism. You are the one who doesn’t know what the he is talking about. If white men are “the standard to which everyone is held” it sure as HELL isn’t ALL white men. Most white men can retire from the competition as well, its a very specific type of white guy and *most* of us ain’t it.
As for white guys never being fetishized, THAT my friend is a BIG crock of SH**. You sound like an extremely bitter person who speaks from a place of anger and antagonism.
@Bully2: I think in England it’s spelled (or was once spelled) with an ‘e’. If that’s the case, then it’s not an error, per se.
I don’t date anymore since I found the one for me, but when I did, I preferred men of color. I can’t tell you why . . . it just was. Fortunately my husband, a black man, preferred white men. Of course that was our first attraction to each other. Then I got to know him as a person and the reason I married him was because I love who he IS.
@Sebizzar: Sebizzar, I’ve said this before, but racism does not affect our choice in men, it only affects how we feel about our choices. You must stop associating negative feelings/racial guilt about your attractions. It’s not only unproductive to question your attractions, it’s unnatural. Imagine feeling guilty because you like fish better than pork, or noodles better than potatoes. Or men better than women. Love and own your attractions, whatever they are, and be equal and fair to everyone in your daily life.
@dave lopes: There are “clearly visible differences” within races, too, not only among them. What’s your point?
Absolutely… I am going to stick with my own kind. The guys I preference must be of the Human race… no other member of another species need apply.
@Bully2: in England, where English comes from, it is spelt “judgement”.
@Arcamenel: So it’s self-hatred to be attracted to white men? Yeah, ok.
@E T: Actually it does not ET.
Political correctness does the opposite by stifling diversity of thought.
I am not talking about civility which should be part of every debate.
Yes I’m Latin/Caucasian and I prefer to date men of these races.
Yes, I prefer to date men of the race that want to date me…
@Captain Obvious: LOL! You do whatever the hell you want. I clearly hit a nerve. So why don’t you sit and spin.
@DarkZephyr: You come across really angry and close minded.
WTF…did I say somewhere it wasn’t your right? Anyway…
@Alan down in Florida: You made me smile 🙂
–that’s the first time I’ve ever typed one of those things.
@rcb1: I guess there’s a stray “e” at the bottom of the Atlantic ocean somewhere.
@Arcamenel: If you think white men aren’t fetishized, try traveling in Asia. I was in a public bath house (not a gay one) in Shanghai and all the attention made me feel like a well-hung porn star. Believe me, I don’t look like one. Wherever you are, the minorities are the novelties. They’re the ones who are fetishized.
When I lived in Tokyo, I dated and screwed a lot of Japanese men (because that’s who was available). I can assure you that the fact that I’m a white American was not coincidental to their interest in me. My Jewish nose and hairy body have never been more of a sexual asset than they were in Asia.
By the way, I’d never dated or had sex with an Asian man until just before I left SF to travel and work in Asia. When I was in Asia, well who else was there? After a while I didn’t see them as Asians, but as individuals, no more alike than any group of whites. The point is that when you stop objectifying people by physical characteristics, you just see them as individuals, and color, height, weight, hair, etc. become much less significant.
@1898: I’ve never understood why people come from those places and go to Minnesota or Maine (which I know is a lovely place, though I’ve never been there). You’d think they’d be more comfortable in Florida or Arizona (well, maybe not in ‘you look illegal’ Arizona, but in New Mexico). I guess 3 meals a day, no war or tropical disease makes 6 months of winter seem trivial.
Funny question. Makes me think immediately whether most of those who say they are race restricted also enforce rules for height, weight, age, hair, eyes, butchness etc. I have always liked to think that I choose individuals and not types.
If you asked about fantasy rather than actual dating I might have a few requirements based on my mood at the moment. When it comes to real men, for me, it has always been whether or not we made a connection. I have dated across every category that fantasy might prohibit.
It comes down to whether you’re tricking or looking for love on how you answer the question, UNLESS you really see a color instead of a person. I have always been amused that I did so much better when I lived in Europe than here at home in the US. I’ve joked with friends in my defense that I really am considered quite good looking in certain parts of Central and Eastern Europe.
@Joshua: Go Wikipedia!
@Bully2: Why not check the OED before judging (no e necessary here!) and your English language knowledge could improve.
“Is it Judgment or Judgement?”
‘The English spelling system is a nightmare (see “The Chaos” in our library) caused by inconsistencies in the spelling system. To remain on the side of the orthographic angels and help our children learn to spell words in the language more accurately, alphaDictionary.com is committed to as much consistency in spelling as the English language allows. To spell judgement without an “e,” while spelling abridgement, acknowledgement, arrangement, engagement, and the 40 other words in English with a soft “g” before -ment with an “e,” is an act of bewildering inconsistency that makes learning the spelling system unnecessarily difficult. (See Dr. Goodword’s article on the equally puzzling but ever popular editorial error, “an historical” for the correct “a historical”.)
It is not a new problem; both spellings have trailed this word throughout history and all English-language dictionaries assure us that both are acceptable. However, we are offering a reasoned resolution to the dilemma that allows us to spell all such words accurately and consistently, making our kids’ task of learning the language just a bit easier. We should use the “e” after “g” and “c” (e.g. “advancement” when they are are soft and omit it when they are hard (e.g. segment, pigment). By the way, we have William Shakespeare and all our British brethren on our side. Not bad company to keep.’
Dr Goodword (no dot after Dr if in UK)
Aires the Ram
It is my finding as I’ve gone through life, that if you spend most of it somewhere that has little racial diversity from your own, your “focus” will be pretty limited, but if you live somewhere where there’s lots of racial & ethnic diversity (not just white & black), your choice in men will be much broader in scope.
I date them all. I have no race, weight, or height requirements.
I do have one thing I am particular about. They have to be nice. Attitude is a major turn off for me and I don’t what you look like. If your personality sucks then we are not hooking up. lol
My attraction is a little complicated and maybe a bit strange. A various times, it tends to be stronger for certainggroups than others. But never to the point of being exclusive. Right now, it definitely leans towards Black or mixed with Black. ( identifiable)
but as I said, not exclusively. And before this, it was Asian leaning,
But when I get into a relationship, these leanings stop, and I’m fully into the person I’m with. And relationship wise, more important to me and for me is , similar values, confidence, sinse of humor, compassion, stable mindset, maturity and being humble. I find these qualities and attributes far more important then race/ ethnicity.
@PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS: That’s funny, because by being open, I find that the sexual stereotype you mentioned at the bottom of your post, is more truth than fiction. While not all, but based on percentage: Yes.
I’m in a long-term relationship, so I’m not dating anyone, but when I did I had definite preferences. Physically, I like skinny guys with dark hair and brown skin. Personality-wise, I like guys who are serious, responsible, low key, and easygoing. For the most part, these preferences directed me away from my fellow white Americans and towards Asians and Latinos, often immigrants. But it’s definitely not exclusive. My two biggest crushes in high school and college were on white guys. I have no litmus test regarding race.
@Captain Obvious: I find your story, odd/strange, about the “negative comments” , ” being bullied” , and the” constant dozen” , due to you having ligjt skin.
Not to take away from your story, and life experience? , but having grown up in a all Black environment/ community, I have never seen a light skinned Black get picked on because of having
” light skin”. Unfortunately, who are the kids ( not all) but many Blacks deem as pretty. It’ s usually the light skin ones. And I cannot tell you how many times I have heard other Black women tell another Black women who is having a baby by a non- Black male,
” Girl your baby’s gonna be pretty” . While this light skin and so-called good hair mentality is diminishin, too much of it sstill lingers. Now if we go to the other end of the spectrum, I would say that dark skinned Blacks get it tougher from other Blacks then the lighter ones. I just find it perplexing when light skinned Blacks make themselves out to be outcast from and among other Blacks.
@jwtraveler: I know several Somali families who initially lived in Atlanta, but they came to Maine to get away from the crime. They actually don’t seem to mind the weather much. We just got 2 feet of snow here and the kids are having a blast. 🙂 They’re also the best behaved kids in the neighborhood!
@dave lopes: AAA (American Anthropological Association)stated the concept of race for humans was created in the 19th century, they would disagree with you, Race is a social construct created as a means of control among human beings, particularly in response to slavery. There is no outlining differences that would distinguish us (human beings) from one another. There are variations in all ethnic types depending on region even in blackness there is a spectrum from White to Dark black skin, hair from course to straight and curly, from Blonde to Jet black. So literally all the features that people would attribute to one being black doesn’t hold true for the entirety of black people.
Really it boils down to perception and manipulation of truth due to stereotyping as means of control. There is no one way to define Blackness, This is clear with Blackness trying to be defined still today within the black community. So the question becomes how can someone outside out that community could even begin to understand what being black is, if black people themselves don’t even know the answer. And those people outside of blackness don’t have to concern themselves with the many perceptions that are attributed to us, and it’s evident that they don’t even care to take the time to even research or invest in looking into it.
@jwtraveler: Europeans aren’t fetishized, as he was trying to explain, they are set as the standard. So if you are in a community where people aren’t the standard of beauty, then of course people are going to look at you in awe. You are whom they aspire to be like. And If you say that you aren’t the standard in Asian countries, I’d call your attention to several trends in Asian culture that pushes Asian people to look more European. Do your research. British occupation of several parts of Asia gave them a big European influence. The same with African nations and the skin bleaching epidemic which is extremely dangerous, In latin country the lighter the skin especially in places like South America, and the Dominican Republican the better you are treated and the higher your status. In America this is evident in many facets of our lives.
So don’t sit there and say that European features aren’t the standard, they are ingrained in a lot of people at very young ages all over the world, whom don’t see themselves on TV, Magazines, Movies, Advertisements.
So when some people start to feed into those images, and start believing the hype that this is who they should be and what they should desire, they will be more inclined to be attracted to those images. In some cases completely reject images of themselves or people like them to obtain what they thing is acceptance. This is why there is a big issue with colorism all over the world, Especially in the Americas.
Dating is a numbers game. I’m white and surrounded by other white guys, so I date white guys. Latin guys are everywhere, so I’ve dated latin men. I’m surrounded by far fewer black guys, so I’ve found far fewer to be compatible and only dated one once. Never dated an asian man. While there are many attractive asian men, I don’t find many to be sexually attractive. The few that I’ve come across that I would date are either straight, or they aren’t into me. Imagine that!
@Meb: What’s the difference between a guy who’s mixed than a man of color? Both have skin that’s not quote unquote white, I take what you’re saying is that as long as he’s not for example 100% asian or black he’s ok….guess mixed guys better feel lucky you’re attracted to them.
@VampDC: Well thank you for being honest about your racism, using genetics as an excuse that’s a good one, the good thing is that using your theology it goes both ways, men of color don’t want to date you for the same reasons you don’t want to dat them.
@blasted: I wish people would realize that Hispanics/Latino’s come in a color spectrum of the lightest of white to the darkest of brown. My ex is Afro Cuban and his family comes in every shadde of brown there. One time a white associate made a statement to him saying he couldn’t be Cuban because of his light tan skin, by the time my ex finished cussing him out in spanish dude went from white to red lol….I loved it.
know what i’ve noticed, so many times? when i get hit on by Dbags, whose profiles state their prejudicial preferences, i let them know that i’m not interested, and i tell them why.
THEN – i get all these guys angrily complaining “THAT”S NOT FAIR!”
well well well….funny about that. so, they’re allowed to “not be into blacks or asians”, but I’M being unfair by not being into them, for not being into blacks and asians or “fems”?
they’re allowed a “preference” based on skin colour, and I’m not allowed one based on their character and their limitations as a human being?
i’ve had the argument with them more times than i can count.
they say “i can’t help whom i’m attracted to, it’s not fair for you to discriminate against me because of my preferences”
to which i reply, “i can’t help that i’m not attracted to guys like you, whose preferences turn me off”
they don’t seem to get it. why? simple – white boys aren’t that used to being shot down by other white boys that they want to bone.
Discrimination is discrimination.
@AtticusBennett: Using that logic, you should get shot down for not being bisexual.
I have been attracted to guys of all races at one time or another. That being said, there is a definite look that I am drawn too. So while I would never exclude consideration of any man of any race, I find myself dating mostly men of two different ethnic backgrounds.
The bottom line, however, is I would rather be with someone who I was drawn to as a person no matter what they looked like or where they came from.
@Merv: no, and i can explain this to you because i’m a lot smarter than you.
orientations and concepts of attraction are not the same thing. preferences and concepts of attraction exist WITHIN the orientation.
there is no “only attracted to _____ race” orientation, as concepts of attraction are societally influenced, and culturally affected.
there. i just educated you.
orientations do not change. attractions can. and do.
@AtticusBennett: Thank you for educating me. I do appreciate the excellent example of an argument based on special pleading.
Your assertion that sexual orientation doesn’t change is far from universally accepted in the scientific community. While it’s pretty clear that people can’t will their orientation to change, there is some evidence that some people are sexually fluid and their orientation may drift throughout their lifetime. I don’t see that as all that different from fixed or changing preferences regarding other physical characteristics such as body type, eye color, and hair color, all of which are correlated to a greater or lesser extent with our notions of race. Whether the causes of these preferences are biological or cultural, there’s not necessarily a lot of choice involved in what physical characteristics people are attracted to. However, we do have a choice in how we express them. The only time I take exception to people in a dating context expressing their preferences is if they do it in a rude or demeaning way. I’m not going to get in someone’s face if he says he prefers chubby guys or dark skinned guys or bald guys. If that’s really important to him, then it’s only practical that he say so.
A guy once messaged me on OkCupid. I checked out his profile, and it said something to the effect of “if you’re black, do not message me. If you’re white and you’ve ever dated a black man, you shouldn’t message me either.”
I’ve never dated a black man, but I was really bothered by what he said and I told him as much (politely). He completely flipped out and told me that I was an @$$hole.
Oh well. It’s nice to weed out the nutjobs early in the game.
@deacon: I don’t understand what the big problem is. I only was sincere. About your question, I guess that the “race” is not only a skin color, there are other phenotypic characteristics that determine the physical appearance and therefore it affects the sexual attraction.
Surely a Mensa level specimen as yourself realizes that your rant was off topic. The question is about whether or not you acknowledge having racial preferences. The topic is not how unattractive you think people are who don’t properly communicate their racial preferences on dating sites. But please, don’t let me get in the way of your educating everyone on something that’s been discussed ad-nauseam.
I’m attracted to who I’m attracted to, it tends to be men who are white or latino but it’s not a conscious decision and I wouldn’t turn away other races. Not at all. I guess, no matter what it is that you’re turned on by, you should never fetishize people on the basis of a superficial trait and confuse it for deep attraction. I prefer darker-haired men but not so strictly that a light-haired guy couldn’t ever catch my attention. I try not to idealize men because that never leads to anything good, there is no “perfect guy” for me as far as physical traits go. There are some thing I particularly like but I’m not so fussy and attached to it.
He has to have a dick, he has to be within range of a reasonable healthiness, and he has to be nice. That’s about it.
As for me: ANYTHING but black. Period.
Good news for black folks, then.
@blasted: I disagree my friend.
I am black, grew up in sub-saharan africa, france, canada, caribbean and new england.
I know what black is.
Racism, subjugation, discrimination etc are social constructs. The physical differences between groups are natural and as clear as day and night.
No one is saying all blacks look alike or all asians look alike etc etc.
The grouping reflects something basic that the members of that group share in common. For example no one will mistake the hair texture of central africans to that of central europeans.
The problem is with American’s general ignorance of geography, culture ,race, and history.
It is already known that within a race there will be what is referred to as sub-groups. So the caucasian ranges from Nordic, to Atlantid, to mediteranean, to aryan to semitic etc etc.
The negro ranges from true negroid, to bantu to nilotic etc.
In between you have the hamitic as in the somali who dna has proven to have at least a 40% non negro african genes suggesting a re-entering back into africa after the original dispersal.
Black americans now called african-american are on average 20% non-african.
The racial classifications are based on real physical differences and is no different than how we group other animals. As you can see the cat family has several groups…lions, tiger, domestic cats etc.
Instead of trying to push these differences under the rug, my goal is to encourage people to accept them and celebrate them…and that will do more to eradicate racism.
@blackberry finn: I just hate it because it limits my already limited dating pool even more. And it’s not just me with the preference, it’s the guys that I fall for :/ So it gives me a very hopeless feeling and somewhat hypocritical feeling.
Race is a myth.
Ethnicity is a myth.
And Americans seem to be obsessed with these myths.
@dave lopes: except that race did not apply to humans until it was introduced as a means of control. Race only applied to animals yes, not humans, and that is the disconnect. Besides geographic location you can’t tell simply by looking at someone where they are from or their ancestry, and there in lies the problem. When most people are referring to race i.e. color they aren’t even referring to that, they are referring to nationality. Places of ancestral descent but only to a certain point in time. Sorry but Nationally does not determine your “race”. Is there a correlation to location and color sure if you are picking a certain timeframe in history, not in this day an age. My cousin is light skinned green eyes, which is a recessive gene not found in most people in our family, she went to Latin American and people thought she was from other latin countries and wasn’t American at all, they thought she was lying when she said she was. A Childhood friend of mine was dark as the blackiest car you have ever seen literally at night you could not see him. Yet people in his family were fair to light brown skin. Not you nor anyone else can or will have an absolute answer as to what makes someone black. In American it was the 1 drop rule, in other parts of the world it may be different, in the black community itself that very idea is different and will certainly be different in places like Latin America, Canada, Africa, Europe or Asia.
So you can scream until the cows come home that “race” isn’t a social construct for us but it is.
I already knew you were black, you don’t need to announce that as if that somehow gives your words more weigh, it doesn’t.
@blasted: With all due respect, you have absolutely no clue on the subject.
The term race has never been used to describe the other animals…..only the human ape.
You are all over the map talking about ethnicity, nationality and all these other things that have absolutely nothing to do with race.
Your examples have to do with american social racial classifications which are not based on science.
I am talking about scientific DNA proven classification of humans.
People are confusing socio/political classifications with scientific classifications.
Obama as black is a socio/political tag.
Scientifically Obama is as much Caucasian as Negroid.
Millions of people classified as “black” or negro in the new world are actually of mixed heritage. Some are even more caucasian than negroid. That is why you can see a whole range within an extended family.
Hispanic is not a race. It is a cultural/linguistic grouping for the purpose of US census records. But many people in the US think it is a race.
I would highly recommend that anyone interested on the subject take a DNA test. 23andME will do it for a measly $100.
My results are 1% caribbean indian, 10% European (mostly northern europe), and 89% sub-saharan african (overwhelmingly west african). 1% neanderthal because of the euro part. Sub-saharan black africans are the only group on the planet with zero neanderthal gene.
Try it, it’s very informative.
I don’t date white guys. I find some of them physically attractive from afar, but most of them appear to be stuck on race and skin color. Our shared experiences would never provide for anything other than me getting a BJ and saying goodnite. Meanwhile, I’ve had some of the most profound and spiritual uplifting experiences among other Black men like myself. So while I find all races sexually attractive, I’ve chosen to only make my emotional and intimate side available to other black men.
@DavidTheLeo: Your life must be one LONG tragedy. What a loser!
@Clark35: Latin is not a race. I would think you would know that.
The question you should be asking is
“Do you see each man you meet as an individual or as an interchangeable representative of whatever racial or ethnic demographic to which they belong”
A person cannot know if they prefer to date men outside of their race. A person can really only know if they prefer to not date any particular man at any given time.
All White men are not interchangeable and do not possess any one quality that is universally true for all White men.
All Black or Asian men do not look the same, act the same, think the same, have the same interests or even come from the same part of the country as the other representative of their respective categories.
A person can say I prefer to only date folks within my own racial or ethnic category but that preference is inextricably linked to their cultural context and is influenced by and based upon racial, ethic, and cultural stereotypes and biases.
People need to stop trying to justify their fear and ignorance couching it in “preference”. If you only want to date folks of a certain race/ethnicity/nationality (your own or another) just fucking do it but stop pretending there is some unbiased, nonjudgmental, “I just like what I like” basis for it.
@csports286: A Latino that goes for white guys, makes me wonder if your latino of spanish decent or african or indian decent….The latino community has issues within itself when it comes to race.
@topshelf: I don’t have any preferences based on Ethnicity. I have preferences based on Intangibles. My “ethnic preference” is this – i have a non-negotiable preference for guys who don’t have ethnic preferences.
i prefer to not associate with, sleep with, or date, low-thinkers.
I have no racial preferences or requirements. I am attracted to men of ALL races, provided they are gorgeous and share my philosophy of male beauty and sensual presentation. For the record, I am a mocha-muscled Black man. I enjoy living in this skin, and hope to have many more erotic/exotic experiences with beautiful men from all over the world. Let me have a Black man at sunset, a White man at sunrise, and and Asian man to love all the night through. Too much is still not enough!
Since were bringing up race and dating I thought this song was appropriate.
@Franklin What world does the [email protected] singing live in? The world has been multi-culti forever now and that voiceover sounds dated.
Zoologists long ago gave up the category of “race” for dividing up groups of animal populations within a species, because so many of these races turned out to be based on only one or two genes so that two animals born in the same litter could belong to different “races.”
Perhaps we’ll follow suit with humans.
Comments are closed.