An item in Jezebel pondered whether it was becoming more common for people to lose their virginity later—in their twenties, instead of their mid-to-late teens. Of course writer Katie J.M. Baker was talking more broadly about straight people—she cites TV shows like Girls and Underemployed and books like Cora Carmack’s chic-lit deflowering novel Losing It—but it got us wondering about when gays and lesbians are giving it up for the first time.
Our culture is evolving so fast that the stereotype of a queerling first experimenting in college is hopelessly outdated. Kids are coming out as tweens and sometimes engaging in sex before they can drive. Others are waiting years to engage in sex—whether by choice or because of discomfort with their sexuality.
So wherever you were, however old you were—whether it was hot and steamy or clammy and regrettable—we want to hear your story.
Of course, when you’re talking about gays and lesbians, you have to define what you mean by “virginity,” and by proxy, what you mean by sex.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Rather than come up with some catch-all definition, we’re going to leave it up to you: How old were you when you felt like you lost your virginity. Whether that was the first time you had an orgasm with another person, had oral sex or engaged in mutual masturbation. Or went for the whole enchilada.
Share your special moment in the comments section below.
hudson
this should be fun…………………………
Dumdum
That had to be one of the best days of my life. I was 15 and walking down Polk Street. in San Francisco. I was so nervous and too scared to look at anyone, so I looked in the store windows. That’s when HE walked by, I thought I was going to faint. I had never seen a guy that good looking. A black haired blue eyed Italian from Boston. He stopped and stood right next to me and said something about the shop like I really love that table or something. He had a heavy Bostonian accent which I had never heard before being a small town California boy. We talked for a bit and I will never forget this. He said. ” Do you wanna go paady’? I said.”What”? Do you wanna paady? I thought he was asking me if I had to go to the restroom. I was confused it seemed such an odd thing to ask a person. I said as much and after several more attempts on his part I realized he was saying party. I would love to give the details of our love making but a true lady never tells. It was really hot and so was he.
hyhybt
Should be, yes. (commenting solely for the purpose of subscribing, since, for no good reason whatsoever, there’s still no other way to do that.)
Dumdum
@hyhybt: WHAT??? Am I really stupid? Cause I have no idea what you just said.
hyhybt
@Dumdum: “Subscribing” meaning getting the “followup comments via e-mail,” as the page says. There *ought* to be a way to do that without actually posting a comment; it would facilitate conversation where someone might not have anything to say right now but expects an interesting thread. Many other sites that email replies do allow that, but Queerty, for no reason they will give, does not.
So, for example, in this thread I have no story to tell myself, but would like to hear and perhaps comment upon those of other people. The only officially available way to do that is to just hope I happen to remember on my own to come back to the page later. Instead, I post a minimal comment that doesn’t really say anything, just as #1 did (and I suspect for the same reason), but giving my reason for doing so.
“Should be, yes” because that made sense immediately following the only comment that was visible when I typed it.
RSun
I had been secretly receiving and giving oral sex since the age of 14 with the teenager next door, but I was 21 before I went all the way with another guy.
Dumdum
@hyhybt: Thank you. I must confess that as I get older I seem to become a bit thick with each passing year. Nice of you to humor an old man. 🙂
burtsfield
16, I was playing strip poker with my neighbors (who were the same age as I was). Needless to say we soon ended up naked and things just kept on going. Didn’t have a clue exactly what we were doing, but we managed.
pierre
New York City 1980. I was 22. Just as we were, ahem, finishing up news came that John Lennon had been killed. How could I ever forget.
mlbumiller
Nov. 1988 22 had my first guy kiss, 23 Sept 1989 all the way in Perth, Australia while on liberty.
RomanHans
I delivered newspaper in Hollywood. Yes, actual human parents let a twelve-year-old visit a hundred strangers’ apartments every day. I don’t remember who exactly I lost my virginity to, but I’ll never forget the affair I had an incredibly hunky foreigner who used to walk around Hollywood shirtless. (You would too if you had his chest). He didn’t speak a word of English but neither of us cared.
Randy
It was 1972. I was 9 years old. I was raped by a stranger at a clothing store. I didn’t have real sex until I was 27.
Callum
In the Fall of 1959, I had sex with another guy of the approximate same age at a college football game. I was 12 1/2 years old. (
We screwed each other under the old bleacher board walk of Stanford Stadium). That Fall I had just started 7th grade and we had a multi-school field trip to a football game at Stanford. He was from a different school and I never saw him again.
conrad charleston
Very post-secret. Thank you for everyone that has shared and is going to share. Your stories are awesome.
I was 16. I had been dating my boyfriend since I was 14 and we made a pact not have sex until I was 16. We were painting my room and wa-la! The moment struck and it was that awkward first sex.
Sex is much better, now.
Meowzer
I was 13 and it was with a friend in this little clique my brother and I hung out with. Started with a sleepover in a tent in the back yard with just some groping, then turned to getting each other hard and then one day this guy asked me if I wanted to – and I quote – suck his sausage. I knew I was gay so I jumped at the chance to try… and I LOVED it. We just sucked each other off for a while and one day he asked if he could fuck me. Never having been fucked before I said I’d try it. Hard dick, no lube, just spit. Hurt like hell, but I figured that was what it was supposed to feel like. I later fucked him same way.
As we got older (this activity went on for about 3 years – us fucking and sucking each other secretly from our other friends) he asked me if I was gay ( hello!) and I said yes. He told me he was straight and liked girls. I asked him how he could be straight when we’ve been fucking and sucking for years. He said our activities were just for fun. Every time we had sex after that, he’d ask me if I had been with any other guys and what did we do. At that point, I had been having sex with another friend that he didn’t know. I would describe to him what we did and he really got off on that. Everything ended when one day he raped me. I didn’t want to have anal sex cuz I had just had it with the other guy I was seeing. When I told he no, he went ape shit and told me that I was his and he could have my ass anytime he wanted it. He shoved his fingers in my ass and then fucked me with no lube or spit. I bled so badly. He called me a few times after that right up until the time I had my first real boyfriend and I repeatedly told him no. I was in a loving, committed relationship and after what he had done I would never see him again. Last time I had any contact with him he was living in a disgusting sqwaled apartment hooked on drugs. Sad.
Mr. Enemabag Jones
Mid-thirties with my first boyfriend. It was great, but I don’t think sex later in life is as exciting as when you’re a kid. I had opportunities as a teen with boys and girls, but hated myself too much to “go for it” then.
As far as I’m concerned it should go:
*first cigarette
*first drink of alcohol
*first blowjob
*drivers license
*first sexual experience
*graduation
I only experienced one of those before the age of 35.
Joshua
I first smoked at the age of 13, first time I drank alcohol was when I was 14 (normal in Denmark), but I have never had sex, and I have never kissed anyone (well, gave my mother a goodnight kiss when I was a kid, so 22 – 23 years ago). Never needed it… never liked physical contact all that much. Guess there was and still is a lack of trust.
Now I am 28 and I still don’t need sex – fun to watch porn, but nope – not needing it.
wallaman
My first sexual encounter with a woman was when I was nine (she was sixteen, so it was obviously nonconsensual).
My first encounter with a guy was when I was thirteen and he was 15. We were wrestling and then the wrestling suddenly turned into dry humping and then the full nine yards.
EdWoody
I count mine as going in three stages. At the age of 13, I had my first orgasm with the help of another boy (as opposed to my first orgasm altogether) who I had made friends with based entirely on what he looked like in the gym showers. He had a phenomenal body and a huge dick for only 13.
I then had my first sexual encounter as an openly gay man with another openly gay man at the age of 18, in my first year of university. I only started dating him because I was so astonished at the idea of someone asking me out on a date that I just said yes even though I wasn’t attracted to him. When we had sex he had what is still the tiniest penis I have ever seen and I was so unenthused I didn’t even cum.
Then I first got fucked a few months later by my first long-term boyfriend (seven months is long-term when you’re 18). It lasted three seconds. So really, none of them were particularly special. It always takes a while to get it right.
Cody
Best friend from Middle School. Summer between middle 5th grad and Middle School. 11 years old, too young to even know what cumming was. We’d messed around, played with condoms, sucked, fucked, and once he said something about being worried about “peeing” in the other person’s mouth. I didn’t come until 13 I think with my other best friend. Sleep over’s were more fun, until he started to become interested in girls. Guess being a Scorpio really does make you follow your penis for life! Not to bad for growing up in Montana.
GregJamesNewman
I was probably around 15 or so. It was my third boyfriend and it was around Valentines Day. we both wanted to try it so we did. He dumped me a few days later. We tried dating again around 16 but he cheated on me while i was overseas on a trip. Cut to a few years later, i became his boss.
LeNair Xavier
I lost my virginity 7 weeks from turning 31.
My evolution happened so quickly because earlier in that night is when I finally came out to MYSELF.
I’m saving the details of losing my virginity for my autobiography, because making a long story short, I lost it in a 5-man orgy. However, my coming out process beforehand is documented in a piece I was asked to write for the website, “I’m From Driftwood”.
http://www.imfromdriftwood.com/im-from-brooklyn-ny-3/
Sceth
19, the week I discovered Grindr.
azpunky
I was 19 – first with a girl, then a month later with a guy.
Andi
18, lost it to a guy I’d barely met more than four hours earlier, on the white leather couch in my sisters apartment..
erix
I was 17, living in europe and went to Amsterdam just to look around. Felt rather horny on a hot day in August and went into a gay sauna, first time. Got raped there in public (about 20 silent man around) by a very beautiful guy, aged about 35, very experienced and caring, no pain at all, heaven. Got a bukake then from all the others, heaven again.
I am 64 now and married to my boy friend, still feeling grateful to have been woken up by an almost professional guardian angel.
hyhybt
@erix: All right, I have to ask: if you were willing, how was it rape? Alternately, if you were unwilling, how was it heaven?
Matt1961
I was 12 the first time I touched another penis. it was exciting. we’d suck each other a little and that was it. about 4 months went by when one of us asked for me to fuck him, and i did. it was great.
then I was 18, two boys from my class, separately, one I’d suck off, he wouldn’t put me in his mouth, the other would go to town with me and I with him.
I later married to a woman and had kids. that was 23 years ago. I came out to her and the kids 2 years ago, moved out, and am dating a younger man. I love him, my kids love him and we’re all pretty happy, except for my ex wife, but she got all my income so it was a trade off.
EvonCook
Slightly embarrassed to be the youngest here, but I sucked three friends in a backyard gazebo when we were five and continually after that every dick I could get in my mouth. I got sucked myself for the first time at 6 by a little friend who saw how much I enjoyed sucking our friends dicks. I don’t remember actually cumming but it did get hard and I was repeatedly told if I didn’t stop playing with myself in the tub Santa wouldn’t come. Word got around grade school and I was sucking several guys a day. At age nine one of my suck buddies ate his own cum in front of me so I found out it was not poison and I stopped spitting cum out and became a hungry swallower. Had a big blond jock older cousin with a huge cock who let me worship his cock every family gathering –and got me into kissing his dick, rimming him deeply and licking his balls ( I loved him so much probably would have eaten his shit if he had asked, but luckily he never did!). He took me around to all his older friends and introduced me as the good sucker and in seconds I was on my knees with their cocks in my mouth. He did want to fuck me in the worst way being two years older and he would try and try to force it but his cock was so big it scared me and I clenched tight and wouldn’t let him in –probably why I have hemorrhoids as an adult. By 11 and 12 I found the parks and subway bathrooms and was able to meet all kinds of men. I think back how luckily I was not to catch something! I don’t think a day went by in jr high that I didn’t have a couple of cocks. I would spend the entire weekend trying to meet and suck men. And then I went away to an all boys school where I really discovered Heaven. That is another whole story! First playing around with everyone, an older boyfriend who would feed me twice a day. Returning one holiday to school I got picked up at the rail station by a handsome blond who reminded me of my cousin, and we went off in his car and drove two hours to his house, me sucking him continuously in the car> That night he fucked me at 15 and when I was sort of crying he realized it was my first fuck. He drove me back to school but wouldn’t fuck me in my dorm even when I begged for it again. A good catholic, jesuit college brought more sex and fun and lots of cocks. And I have had the luck and pleasure to travel the world finding delicious, beautiful cock everywhere! BUT, for so very long enjoying older guys, now I find I want to be used by younger guys, and times have changed that dynamic a bit. Oh, yes, have a life partner for 35 years in a wonderful open relationship. I thank the gods every day for making me gay, for having such a wonderful life and for the bounty of delicious, willing cocks in the world..
mjcc1987
Lost My Virginity?
I didn’t lose it. I know exactly where I left it. Tattered and torn in a 76 Buick.
Charli Girl
@Dumdum:
lmao!!! rotf
Dumdum
Oh My Goddess!!!….I almost feel bad cause my first time was so gentle and sweet and loving. He was so generous, patient and kind. He knew that it was my first time, so he kissed me, starting at my lips and my face, his tongue gently probing my eager mouth. He licked every inch of my body, getting close but never touching my c__k. Then when it happened??? Oh my Goddess!!! We spent all that day and I awoke in those tan hunky arms to a new day full of hope and possibilities to discover that he had a lover and I needed to get the eff out before he came home. Well at least I was not RAPED….. Thanks for that bit**es putting a negative spin on on your first time. I would never have hurt you. That is just too creepy. And so sad.: (
Wilbready
I lost mine at 19 to a woman. I was too scared to admit the truth, even to myself! We got married and after 20 years and 3 kids, I came out while going through the divorce. Now I have a fabulous partner and she is on yet another loser BF. Poetic justice is still justice!
Scrufff
1977 – i was 14 with and it was with my best friend. we had come out to each other that night, then we decided to have sex, it was fun but he was my best friend and so it wasn’t really that thrilling. Later we met a fucking hot 27 year old Pedo that was really into young guys 10-12 yrs old, so according to him, we were too OLD for his taste. but we’d get him drunk and he’d have sex with us. that’s when i realized i wasn’t in to my best friend because he was my age, i was into full grown men. from then on, i hit the local gay bars, i’d cruised areas where i would find men to have sex with me. this was pre-AIDS late 70’s Hollywood and wow i’m lucky to have made it through that era and still be alive and neg today (sadly most of my friends from that era did not make it.)
petensfo
I’ve been convincing boys to pull their pants down since I was 5 years old; no lie. But, I lost it first to a girl at 19, and going all the way w/ a guy at 21; he was 30 & a poet in grad school. lol
The truth is that I’d go camping w/ friends & remember in 7th grade trading blow-jobs in a 3 way. But, I also was really in love with my best friend. I remember us sleeping in a tent in the backyard on a warm summer night, sneaking around the yard naked, and then eventually lying side by side until out lips finally touched in a first kiss. Whew, remember it like it was yesterday.
He never came out & his life ended when a gun ‘accidentally’ went off in his mouth while he was ‘cleaning’ it. 🙁 To be fair, I had warned him about his drinking & drug use, but with a closeted person it’s difficult to discern which led to which. Miss him every day.
hf2hvit
ME: Male, 11 years old…She: 28 year old married woman. I knew what I was there for and went back for more the next day.
At 12…MILITARY SCHOOL…IT WAS HEAVEN!
reesielover
I was 17 and VERY closeted. One night at a birthday party, I kept asking an incredibly cute black classmate who seemed to get a kick out of acting very feminine if he needed a ride home after the party. He agreed after some prodding, and as we sat in my car, I had a moment of unusual bravery and unzipped my pants. After the initial shock wore off, he did the same. As it was my first time, I lasted about 5 seconds. I then repeated the favor to him. As with most people, this was probably the most exciting, exilerating time of my life. I would do anything to repeat those moments again.
Josh in OR
I was 5 when I got my first BJ from an older neighbor girl. I was too young to really understand much other than it felt good, but I learned later that she had been molested herself.
I was 13 when I had sex consensually for the first time with a neighbor boy. We had watched that atrocious “Riverdale and Back Again” TV movie, and were play-acting scenes. During one scene, I was Archie, he was Betty, we kissed and….it went on from there.
I was 16 the first time I had sex with a girl. I was closeted and terrified, she was lovely and experienced enough to guide me through the process. We dated for 4 years before I finally came out, and we are still friends today, though, of course, not as close as then.
I was 20 the first time I had sex with a man, AS a man. It was funny, painful, sweet, and he’s still one of the most important fixtures in my life.
I am 35 now, and haven’t had sex in probably 5 years. Self-image issues and various neuroses have seen to it that I will likely not have sex again, and frankly, I don’t mind.
Because I have the memory of all those firsts, good and bad, bittersweet and delirious and heart-breaking. And I am content.
Creamsicle
I just 27 and I only lost my virginity in May. I was out on a date with the union rep for the library I worked at (not technically my union rep since I was a temp). We had dinner, hit it off, and I went back to his place. We sucked each other off, frotted, and jerked off. I was so nervous I couldn’t cum. About a week later he made me dinner and then fucked me. He sort of lazily dumped me a few weeks later. I think about him from time to time. He has a gorgeous smile. I enjoyed sleeping with him at his place by the river and I regret not actually spending the night after we fucked.
I have yet to cum during sex to be honest. I started hooking up with a mostly straight dude where I live now. We have fun, but as a relationship it’s not going anywhere, so it’s hard for me to really enjoy it.
maoriboy89
im 21 and im a complete virgin i want to wait for the right guy, im a guy by the way
Geoff B
G@maoriboy89</a Good for you! It really is better with someone you truly love. Not to put down the other posters' stories, but it really is refreshing to know there are younger people who choose to wait. Just remember, no one but you can decide when you are ready, and above all stay safe!
Dumdum
WHAT THE F**K??? YOU PEOPLE HAVE WAY TO MUCH DAMAGE!!! MAKES ME SICK AND ASHAMED TO BE GAY. THANKS FOR FUCKING UP WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY COOL SEGMENT ON QUEERTY. RAPE, BETRAYAL, AND A FLAGRANT DISPLAY OF SELF HATE? MAYBE YOU NEED TO LOOK AT YOUR SELVES. STOP THINKING WITH YOUR D**KS AND GROW UP. EITHER THAT OR JUST JOIN A MONASTERY!!!!!!!!!!!
Dumdum
THANKS FOR MAKING SOMETHING THAT COULD HAVE BEEN NICE, DIRTY AND UNCOMFORTABLE. THE WORLD WILL APPLAUD YOUR CANDOR, HAPPY IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT ALL GAYS ARE SICK AND TOTALLY FU**ED UP!!!
Allen D.
Exchanged blowjobs with my best friend as far back as 2nd or 3rd grade (we had found some porn videos in his sister’s trunk and were ‘trying it out’ I guess). Then he moved. 🙁
Lost my virginity to a girl when I was 16. Then my first boyfriend when I was 18. At least it was romantic. Both times, really.
Dumdum
I would like to point out that at least 98 percent of these posters are new to this site and I believe that most are here to cast a shadow on the GLBTQ community. We are not opportunistic predators out to harm others. PLEASE NOTE THEIR NUMBER OF COMMENTS. THEY ARE THROWING SHADE. I LOOKED AT THEIR NUMBER OF COMMENTS AFTER I GOT UPSET. THEM BAD. US GOOD.
sivsong
A lot of the experiences I’ve read have really saddened me. I sincerely hope they are not viewed as a reflection on the LGBTQ community as predatory, sex-addicted molesters. Hopefully the majority of the experiences herald from a time when homosexuality was a taboo and therefore resulted in the backroom, and often illegal, activities described above.
I personally think that times have changed and my friends’ experiences speak true to this, in fact two are still virgins. I was 17 when I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. He was 19 (a law student) at the time and was more experienced than I.
We dated for 3 months before we even had any real sexual contact; I had a ridiculous amount of ideals and part of me wanted to deviate from the promiscuous stereotype gay men still carry.
I was insistent upon losing my virginity on my own terms and nobody else’s. It was frustrating for my boyfriend and tested our premature relationship at the time. However, he grew to accept my abstentious principles and insecurities, which in turn made our bond stronger.
I was eventually able to let my guard down (I guess you could say I fell for him) and I lost my virginity while celebrating Valentines (Cheesy!) But it was gentle, sweet and clunky– exactly how a first time should be.
I understand that my clichéd first time is not for everyone, and that the experiences above have probably shaped your attitudes towards sex. I think my generation (I’m 21) have been given the opportunity to learn from past mistakes and epidemics to make informed decision regarding our sexual activity. So hopefully this is a small beacon of hope for anyone worried about their impending first time or the images portrayed above. We’re far more wiser than we may appear.
the other Greg
Gosh, I was going to say… after reading so many inhibited, demented and/or perverted responses, I feel so… NORMAL!
But yeah, I think Dumdum is on to something. There seem to be a lot of anti-gay trolls here to make us all look bad. Btw I thought Dumdum’s response in #2 was a typical 1970s story, and quite healthy, but of course nowadays something like that is considered horrible and supposedly scars the kid for life (especially if the older guy has money and the kid finds out about the money years later when he’s 30!).
I’m mystified by the virgins posting here. Queerty’s question was when did you lose your virginity. So if you’re STILL a virgin nobody gives a sh*t so don’t brag about it.
I’m particularly disturbed by the “Monica” types who seem to think that oral doesn’t count as “real sex.” Uhhhhh… especially if you ARE gay, it counts as real sex!
mantecamike
The still virgin guy was not “bragging.” I thought his honesty was refreshing. It’s his choice. I have to respect that.
the other Greg
@mantecamike: Huh? Even he ascribes his virginity at age 28 to “a lack of trust” (!!!). People like him keep shrinks in business, if they’re not too proud to go (i.e. bragging about their virginity).
RomanHans
@Dumdum: What the fuck is wrong with YOU? Upset that reality intruded on “what could have been a cool segment on Queerty”? What a fuckin’ idiot. Exactly how were we supposed to lose our virginity? Believe it or not, when I was a kid there weren’t a lot of out gay kids around to date. Besides, my parents probably wouldn’t have been thrilled to drive me and Brad to the prom. Gay people had no rights. Gay people were pilloried. I could have been fired from my first two jobs for being gay — and you wonder why some of us didn’t preserve our purity until we were 18?
But no — we’re sick and disturbed and ruining what could have been a heartwarming thread. Well, fuck you, buddy, and welcome to reality.
In my case, I like older men, and I always have. As an idiot, you can condemn whoever you want, but first on my list are heterosexual parents who reject their sons when they find out they’re gay, sending them looking for affection elsewhere. Sorry if there’s no roses or buggy rides.
mantecamike
My story is I had just turned 18 and met a military guy at Gay Skating night in Walnut Creek CA. His name was Tom. Tall, dark hair and eyes, nice body, handsome face. He was late 20s and a pilot in the Air Force. He invited me back to his house. He knew I was a virgin because one of my other friends told him. When we got there he showed me a picture of his boyfriend Courtland. Courtland was from a wealthy family and was going to law school on the East Coast.
Tom could tell I was nervous but that I wanted sex. Most 18 year old boys do. Tom took it slow and easy. First kissing me, then taking of my shirt and playing with my chest. Was his way of teaching me how to please another man. This slowness, gentleness continued throughout getting each other naked. I’ll spare everyone the details. Suffice to say we engaged in frottage, mutual jackoff and eventually oral and anal sex.
I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. I’d known for many years I was Gay. I used to have a crush on William Earl L….loffs III. Captain of the soccer team. I became the Student Manager for the team just so I could watch him in the shower from the Coach’s office. Sometimes I got to hand out the towels to the boys after they showered. I loved that.
2 weeks later Tom called and said Courtland was out for the weekend and wanted to meet me. So I went over for dinner. Courtland was 22. This was late ’70s. He had longish blond/brown hair. Brown eyes. Clean shaven and a smooth chest. But super hairy legs.
Tom and Court were such a handsome couple. Together and individually over time they taught me everything I know about sex. The pure joy and pleasure of sex between men. 1-1, 3ways, etc. A couple years later Courtland graduated law school and took a job at a big L.A. firm. Tom moved to be with him. About 10 years later I ran into them in the Castro when I was living in San Francisco. I took them back to my apartment, needless to say we had a great “reunion.” I think of them fondly to this day.
Dumdum
I’m sorry guys I really should take a time out before I start freaking out.@RomanHans: Your right dude that was way over the top.
hyhybt
The stories in this thread are a lot more interesting than the complaining and arguing. (And yes, I know *saying* that is hypocritical. So be it.)
Cody
@Dumdum: Yeah no kidding. The question wasn’t “If you lost your virginity in a pure Hollywood way with a religious wait until marriage story please share.” Most of life isn’t pure, sweet and innocent. To be quite frank, A lot of us are probably better off to have terrible stories from growing up. Hardship makes the survivors strong. Experiences make us who we are. Some are learning and becoming better people, teaching others from their failures, others just fall through the cracks or are paralyzed by fear. If you were 6, or 60 in the end it’s a personal journey that makes each of us ourselves, not a cookie cutter made for TV movie that can go on Hallmark Network.
the other Greg
@hyhybt: Interesting enough to get you to try it? Yeah, I remember you’re a virgin! – or at least, you were a year or so ago. Hope you’re getting some useful ideas here? 🙂
@Cody: Since Dumdum is apparently “freaking out” and I generally like (& recall) his stories, I’ll say I’m pretty sure he was a teenage runaway himself so RomanHans was really misunderstanding where Dumdum was coming from. But maybe Dumdum was luckier than he usually realizes because obviously not every teenage runaway in SF has fond memories of the experience.
hyhybt
@the other Greg: Hence my not having a story to tell here. The problem has never been a lack of ideas, though. Combine being the sort of person where there’d have to be a relationship first with social anxiety and ineptness, then add the fact that every (real life) guy I’ve ever had any interest in is straight or already with someone and most usually both, and often inappropriate for other reasons as well… well, it hasn’t been a priority. And I still have my imagination.
RomanHans
@Dumdum: Aw, thanks. I’m sorry I went a bit over the top too. I’m a little over-sensitive about the whole virginity and/or promiscuity thing. Though it ostensibly we’re talking about our lives and our choices, it directly ties in to the treatment we got from our parents. Instead of shaming a gay twelve-year-old for losing his virginity in a seedy or unromantic manner, the fault lies the heterosexual parents who drove him to it.
It’d be great if we all had fabulous losing-our-virginity stories, but like I said there’s that whole reality thing. We’re making incredible progress and fingers crossed we’ll be there soon.
Cody
That’s pretty narrow minded to assume parents had anything to do with it. My parents took me to church where waiting till marriage was the expectation, Are in a 35 year loving relationship, gave me more love then I ever deserved, and every opportunity to learn, grow and be the awesome person I am today. Nothing my parents exposed me to had any drive or direction to mess around with my friend and do something I’ll assume you consider naughty. Does this apply to everybody? No. Is losing your virginity shameful? I don’t think so. Hating yourself and forcing that hate onto others for how they lived their lives, I think that’s shameful. I’m sorry if your parents did abuse you and shame you into doing bad things, or just things that you are brainwashed to feel wrong about. We all can only be responsible for ourselves, and how we treat the others around us.
hf2hvit
@Dumdum: Yeah…gays are ALMOST as messed up as STRAIGHTS
Josh in OR
I think we all need to step back and realize that, for most people, “losing it” is nowhere near as idyllic as it is portrayed in movies and TV. For most people, losing their virginity is messy and awkward, and only after getting better at the mechanics does it approach the beautiful idealistic image that we get in our media.
There is nothing WRONG with sex being messy and awkward. There is nothing “wrong” with you if you have been damaged in the past that has led you to have lots of sex, or to eschew it entirely. That was why I posted what I posted before. I know I’m not the only one who has had both good times and bad, who has had firsts I cherish and firsts I regret.
I think being HONEST about sex, the good and the bad, is what will help us ALL move past the taboo that sex is something to be kept hidden.
But that’s me.
EManhattan
I first had sex with another boy when I was 14 – he was 15. It took me weeks to maneuver him into a situation where it seemed like the logical thing to try. He was enthusiastic and grateful when I finally managed to do that. We continued as friends with benefits (decades before the term was invented) through high school.
I think the men posting here who get all prissy about “promiscuity” and “seediness” are twats. Consensual sex at any age and in any quantity is good clean fun, for anyone who hasn’t been brainwashed by religious cults.
Men who think that having more than one partner at a time is bad, or that having short or very short term relationships (a week, a day, 20 minutes) is always wrong, are buying into the fantasies of bible-thumpers or other fundamentalists; they don’t seem to realize that the meaning of sex depends on what you bring to it – sex on it’s own is neutral. If you bring self hatred and nasty religious attitudes to sex, yes, it will probably be bad for you. If it feels like a wonderful, life-affirming way to get intimate with a variety of your fellow men, it’s good for you, even though the encounters with the prissy ones are not very rewarding. Their bodies say yes, and their poor addled brains say no, and of course that’s not good for them – they need proper help.
Men who spread themselves around, raising the general level of happiness in the world, should be admired, not vilified.
mantecamike
@ EManhattan: AMEN brother.
Dumdum
@the other Greg: Yes I was lucky in many respects, After years of mental and physical abuse in was nice to end up in the arms of a beautiful man. Life on the streets wasn’t all sunshine and lolly pops and rainbows. I even held out for a year before anal. It took half a quaalude and lots of sweet talking by that handsome blue eyed devil. His nick name was Beer Can Rocky and I will say he didn’t drink beer. One of the highest paid man whores in San Francisco, taught me everything I needed to know to survive. Until I met Queen Billie. A 16 year old boy in a dress can make big bucks. No more sleeping in bath houses for this bi**h.
Dumdum
@EManhattan: Very well put, could not agree more. THANK YOU.
tidalpool
Intercourse has always been a bit of an issue with me. I was raped at the age of 5 by a 16 yo boy who was a foster brother living with us. I avoided all sexual feelings and emotions until my middle 20’s when in the army. A woman from Boston intimated I was a fag if I did not want her, so, my first pretend intercourse. I continued to avoid all sexual activities until my mid 30’s when I agree’d to allow a 20 yo to perform oral sex on me. It was no more encouraging then my experience with a woman. I suspect the trauma of the 5 yo stays with me, and has left me essentially a-sexual. I have been partnered to the same person since my middle 20’s, and they have the same history I have. All in all, I can count my ‘orgasms’ on one hand, and all by myself. For those men who advocate sexual relations with children, I can speak from my experience when I say it is not without consequences. Some like me will never understand or appreciate a shared sexual experience all based on the destruction of trust and security by one evil man. Trust me, I will never support NAMBLA.
Dumdum
@tidalpool: These stories hurt my heart and my soul. I lived on the street. Those pretty boys with their rich daddies made me sick. We are talking Calvin Klein pretty, not just cute like me. They had their pick and we were just meat on the hoof. Why is this happening? I will tell you WHY. Because our society says GAY is wrong, GAY is bad. AND ANYONE WHO DOES IT IS BAD. I am the one in ten who said, fuck you! I am good and you are bad. So you can just kiss my sweet white ass. My parents sent me to a shrink. He wanted me to suck his dick. I was twelve and he was creepy so I bit it hard. They tried to lock me up but I ran away. WE ARE OK, THEY ARE THE ONES WHO ARE FUCKED UP. PLEASE LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF. YOU ARE SWEET AND GOOD AND KIND> THEY ARE EVIL!!!!!
Bee Gaga
It was about 8 months ago I was 17 he was 25..hot foreign bi-curious arabic guy from saudi arabia that I had met said he loved chocolate (I’m black btw), I’ve only fantasized at this point unlike the people above I never had a mutual masturbation episode with my male friends because I was more “one of the girls” lol kind of makes me sad that I never had that kind of relationship with other boys, but i digress, we were in his car he was sooo handsome more so than I had imagined..his accent so hot, we’re sitting talking he creeps closer and closer and I remember looking at him in his eyes saying, “Why are you looking at me like that?..” then he kissed me…my first kiss, it was ecstacy (spell check lol) he pulled out his “member” the fattest thing you ever saw, so thick I started to suck it I was good for my first time I’d watched a lot of porn to practice lol then though I’m a complete bottom I’ve never came aside from nocturnal emissions and I’ve never masturbated before, I’ve never went “back there” and when he put his finger in there it felt sooo good I was runnin up the seat just moaning…I still look to him fondly…can’t believe I had sex with Mohammaed lol I’ve had sex with the prophet Mohammed and Jesus (one guy I was with name was Jesus loL) then anal sex, about four months ago a hot straight soldier white blonde blue eyes we sat in his car just talking having a great conversation then I went down on him…dick was a bit disappointing, then it progressed…car was too small so we went to this field, me: face down ass up lol, he may have been a bit small down there but boy did mr soldier boy know how to work it, mind you i’m a thick black queen lol (not in the loud boisterous way but in the effeminate way) so I never thought guys would be “into” so this all was a bit refreshing for moi, anyways I felt bad because i’ve always had this vision of losing it some grand romantic way needless to say we had sex again (thankfully this time actually in a room lol) however I just couldn’t do the whole sex with no feelings thing anymore i felt really depressed after that second time so I broke it off..he was so sweet about everything I still kinda think about him. From that first encounter in march to now in november i’ve had “sex” with about 13 guys (only oral though aside from the one anal) all of which were straight in one way or another (1 bi-curious another bisexual) as a self proclaimed thick effeminate black boy it’s a bit disheartening, guess i’m not the cat’s meow to the gay boys….hopefully my fairy tale can still become a reality.
peter
i really lucked out. i had just finished my freshman year and i was still 18. it was the first time i ever went to a gay club. i still considered myself bi-curious, and was terrified that someone i knew would see me. i was hanging out by the wall, feeling completely lost and probably looking it when i heard someone say “hey, cutie!” i didn’t realize that he was talking to me, so then he said “over here!” he was shorter than me, like 5’6″, and was wearing a light blue tank top. he was really built and really cute. he said “first time here?” i laughed and said something like “how could you tell?” we exchanged basic info. his name was marc and he was a gymnast who was studying dance. he had just turned 21. he took me over and introduced me to his friends, most of who where also dancers, and were also really cute and in-shape. he got me a drink, since i couldn’t buy one myself. a couple, actually. i was really enjoying hanging out with these guys. we all started dancing, first in a group, but eventually marc & i paired up. he put his arms around my waist and we danced closely. first time i’d ever done that with anyone. then he pulled my head down and gave me a full-mouth tongue kiss, another first. it was amazing! then he asked me if i wanted to go back to his room.
he knew i was a virgin and nervous, so gave me a message that evolved into something more. i’m not gonna say it didn’t hurt, but since he’d gotten me ready it wasn’t one of those traumatic first times you hear so much about. we did it a second time, which was much better, and the next morning spent nearly an hour in the shower attached at the hips, which was every bit as awesome as it sounds!
afterward we met his friends for brunch. we walked down the street with our arms around each others’ waists and even sucked face while waiting for a traffic light to turn. i had definitely crossed a bridge and didn’t really care who saw me (granted it was in the east village, where nobody really cared). three weeks later was my 19th birthday and he and his friends gave me a ‘catcher’ t-shirt, which i immediately put on! it was an incredible summer.
Dumdum
@peter: That is so cute. Can I ask you a question? What’s your favorite ice cream? How do YOU spell cat? And how is that dear brother of yours, the one with the two heads? Peter? Is that a nom de plume, or do you really have one? SORRY, I was possessed by Dorothy Parker. She takes over when I black out.
Dumdum
Love has had his way with me. This my heart is torn and maimed. Since he took his play with me. Cruel well the bow boy aimed. Shot and saw the feathered shaft dripping bright and bitter red. He that shrugged his wings and laughed, better had he left me dead. Sweet why do you plead me then, who has bled so sore of that? Could I bear it once again? Drop a hat dear,drop a hat.