vive la différence

Raising my Rainbow: Gay Boys Raised Here

Is C.J. one of a long-line of gay boys produced by our family?

Do the women in my family create gay boys? Is it nature or nurture? I say it’s nature.

I’m raising two boys in the same home, with the same father, in much the same way. But, I’m getting very different results. Which is what, I’m sure, lots of parents raising multiple children of the same sex think.

I’ve heard other moms say:

  • “My oldest son likes baseball but my youngest son likes soccer.”
  • “My oldest son likes math but my youngest son likes English.”
  • “My oldest son likes to draw but my youngest son can’t make a stick figure.”
  • “My oldest son is cautious but my youngest son is daring.”

I say:

  • “My oldest son likes Batman but my youngest son likes Barbie.”
  • “My oldest son likes sports but my youngest son likes show tunes.”
  • “My oldest son likes to wear jeans but my youngest son likes to wear skirts.”
  • “My oldest son constantly has chapped lips but my youngest son wears lip gloss.”

I feel lucky to have been given a unique child like C.J. I’m getting two very different parenting experiences. When I was pregnant and we found out that C.J. would be a boy, we were a little sad and disappointed. Since we already had a boy, we were hoping for a girl. I thought that I was in for more of the same. A do over. I got a whole new ball game.

I’m raising a typical boy who has turned me into a Lego engineer, video gamer, baseball mom and Nerf gun target.

I’m also raising a girlie boy who has turned me into a princess stalker, hairstyle guinea pig, Disney aficionado and Rachel Zoe of the Barbie world.

My two boys don’t play with the same toys, take the same path, have the same passions or follow the same purposes. I got the best of both worlds.

Hint: If your 16-year-old son wants to wear this outfit and go to the Renaissance Faire, he might be gay.

I’m nurturing my boys the same, it’s their nature that is different; which is the case for the two generations that mothered before me on my maternal side. We raise gay boys.

If I raise a straight boy, I will be the first woman in my family in three generations to do so. Yes, every woman in my family for the past two generations who has had a boy has had a gay boy.

Is it nature? Is it nurture? Is it a coincidence? Do I care? The women in my family are good at many things, and keeping the LGBT community from dying off is just one of them.

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  • Tim

    This story rocks! I love this woman and the fact she has eyes wide open…and it hasn’t slowed her stride. Way to go.

  • WillYouPlease

    Good for you!
    I wish that my parents could treat me like this…

  • Scott

    I love this story. A stray thought occurred to me. Mayhap the elder son will be gay and the younger is trans (female trapped in male body)?

  • Mike

    I was hoping against hope that with the “new Queerty,” this feature would die.

    Oh, well. At least she gets props for actually acknowledging that she has a son she’s not trying to make gay.

  • soakman

    I really like this woman’s column and am glad you kept it, but what’s with the image? Her son isn’t gay, and we know nothing about the kind in the picture.

    Is that blatant stereotyping? Or is there a story there we aren’t getting? Was it Queerty’s decision or the story writer’s?

  • David Gervais

    Everyone seems to assume that C.J. is gay. He’s about 5 years old, he isn’t necessarily anything. For all we know, he will be a heterosexual college football star who likes to “dress up” on weekends.

  • Grevin

    If only everyone in the gay community had parents like this…

  • irisgirl

    I’m so glad you are keeping this column—it’s one of my favorite regular features!

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