Rapper/LGBTQ+ ally Lil’ Yachty says a lot of women probably think he’s gay because of how often he’s disinterested in sex with them. While that might seem like a humblebrag, it actually speaks to the pressure a lot of men feel to always be DTF (down to f*ck), even when they’re more interested in other things.
“A lot of times, I won’t, I don’t have sex and I think women probably think I’m gay,” the rapper confessed while speaking on Sofia with an F, the podcast of sex cultural influencer Sofia Franklyn.
“I just, I don’t care that much,” he continued. “A lot of times women think, if they’re flying out to you like that, we have to have sex or, like, that’s on my mind.”
The rapper said that, more often than not, he enjoys just hanging out with women to learn more about who they are or if he can enjoy their company “because I usually can’t.”
Franklyn called the rapper’s approach “an interesting concept,” noting that some women will question whether something is wrong with themselves if a guy doesn’t seem constantly interested in having sex with them.
“I’ve just had so much sex that, like, it’s diluted to me… It’s not what it used to be,” Lil’ Yachty continued. “I get off more on just really laughing because laughing is so good: to laugh, and it’s a real laugh, and it’s like ‘Yeah, we’re laughing together.'”
Honestly, the rapper is bringing up an issue that’s common but rarely discussed.
Whenever someone seems disinterested in sex, one might assume that they’re asexual, demisexual, or some other orientation that’s less interested in sexytimes.
But even though a lot of media depicts men, especially gay men, as constantly horny, the pressure for them to always want sex is a remnant of toxic masculinity.
It’s completely normal (and even preferable sometimes!) to be disinterested in sex. After all, people and life are interesting and complex. If we see everything solely through the singular lens of getting laid, we can overlook the many ways to explore and connect with others. Letting go of sex can actually relieve a great deal of pressure about behaving and performing in certain ways, leaving us free to try new things when meeting people.
In 2020, Lil’ Yachty clapped back at homophobic Twitter fans who criticized him for wearing a wig, dress, makeup, jewelry, and heels to humorously portray a female talk show host named Boprah in his video music entitled, “Oprah’s Bank Account.” Some commenters called the rapper gay or bisexual, others called him homophobic slurs, and yet another accused him of influencing young minds with inappropriate behavior.
Finally, the rapper responded by writing, “Bitch it’s just supposed to be entertaining… it ain’t even that deep. Y’all N*gga’s so in denial with y’all masculinity shit like this bother y’all.. relax.”
In 2017, he drew criticism for wearing a rainbow-colored mouthpiece and including an image of a gay couple kissing on the cover of his album, Teenage Emotions. Responding to homophobic attacks, Lil’ Yachty said, “If you have vitiligo or if you’re gay or whatever it is, embrace yourself. Love yourself. Be happy, positive.”
Watch “Oprah’s Bank Account” below…
This site often praises comments that are actually regressive or have a layer of gay panic. I was expecting that here. But his comments were actually needed and well thought out. Men are indeed expected to be hyper horny and sexual and down for hook-ups 24/7. Just like attractions or masculinity/femininity can have fluidity so can the strength of libido and interest in sex. That old-school mindset is partially why there’s still a good amount of dudes having sex and babies and relationships with all these random women while low-key being overall homo-leaning or secretly being in love with their homeboy. It’s partially why even openly queer men often exhibit some gay panic or homo shame. It’s partially why some queer guys lean into hyper-sexuality. Sexual prowess (especially of the hetero kind) is still deeply connected to the male ego and social status of men.
I would like to get back to the days of famous dudes supposedly “not caring” about whether people think they’re “gay” rather than being obsessed with constantly publicly affirming how “not homo” they are or even out queers still exuding gay panic or fear of being viewed as “gay”. However, he did hype up how many chicks he’s hooked up with. So, there’s still the desire for confirmation and some fear of being viewed as a “homo”. But in general, if we stopped filtering people through hetero-normality, stop attaching sexual prowess to the male ego, and understood sexuality and the gender, sexual, affection, romantic, emotion, commitment spectrum- none of this would still be a thing.
Rap has a long history for being gay hating misogynists. Interesting seeing the women playing a part in that too.
Women have no choice but to play in it in order to get what they need from “the culture”. Also, there are still many DL guys or guys who mostly use women for sex or image or babies while not really being hetero-leaning when it comes to sexuality or love, affection, romantic attachment, emotional investment, commitment. That makes some women quick to make assumptions about men. And there are generally almost as many women who purport gay panic or homo shame as there are men.
As a gay man, I feel this way now toward other gay men. There are so many things more important to me now to do with other gay men rather than just sex.
He’s refreshing in his pushback against machismo, compulsory heteronormativity and the constant gay panic that is endemic in certain quarters. Comparing being gay to having vitiligo, though…come on, Li’l Yachty, get it together!