Harold Camping, the delightful old codger who predicted this weekend’s gay-pocalypse says he was “flabbergasted” that the rapture did not take him—so are we; well, not flabbergasted so much as disappointed. Despite his million dollar campaign and amazing “biblical math” predicting the end of the world, nothing of any remote interest happened this weekend, not even on TV.
But worry not, believers! Camping adds that Jesus did return this last weekend, only in an invisible spiritual form detectable by no one except himself. And if anyone feels depressed about all these evangelicals still hanging around (pictures here), they should simply mark their calendars for October 21st, the day that God will skip the rapture and go straight for global annihilation! Fun!
Nevermind that Camping has been wrong twice now—third time’s a charm! We assume homosexuals will still be the cause… or earthquakes. Camping hasn’t said said which, though he promises it’ll be quick, thank God.
See you all on October 22nd! IN HELL!!! 7th circle, 3rd sub-section. We’ll be the ones with the flaming snow raining down on us. Ooh! And wrestlers will be there… maybe Randy “Macho Man” Savage will even help us all snap into a Slim Jim! Par-tay!
How about we take this to the next level?
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Gregg
Wasn’t this the plot of a Simpsons episode?
Pitou
Can’t wait!
Just in case though, I’m still going through with my costume ideas for Spooky-Bear in Provincetown.
I’m thinking something “Rapture” inspired. Mmmm.. Fire and Brimstone, Earthquakes & Tornadoes, Maggie Gallagher & Brian Brown.
OMG, I think I’m going to don an abortion-getting beached sperm whale suit and go as Maggie!!!
YES!
WINNING!!!
TMikel
Well,I was certainly disappointed! I was looking forward to all the religious wingnuts being gone and to not having to listen to them anymore. I can wait five months for their departure. One might suggest that Camping and his ilk are certifiable, members of a very long line of doomsday predictors going back to at least 1000 CE – Common Era. The sky is falling! The sky is falling.
I will have a cup of tea and go back to bed.
Chel
If Oct 21st isn’t good reason for a Dissect & Ditch-the-Religious-Wackos Party, I don’t know what is. I think Oct 21st should be hailed as a worldwide holiday, the day life ends for religion, “as we know it”. World Rapture Day, the biggest hoax day of our time. A day you can tell lies and believe you really mean it, all in the jovial context if hoaxes. If things don’t pass the smell test, itsa hoax. The Athiests would go mad for a World Rapture Day bathed in hoaxes. From God to the The Tooth Fairy to Santa Claus. Oh the costumes this hoax day would make.
Cam
And let me guess, he has an address where the faithful can send in donations to help him “Spread the Word”.
Chel
PS Camping’s 3 prediction dates all fall within approx 1 week of major holidays. If I do the halfway point between May and Oct 21st, Aug 7th approx is the prevailing date, a month w no major holidays. His 1994 prediction was for Sept 6th.
JoeyO'H
Wait until this old guy gets to heaven and finds out there’s gays there too.
robert in NYC
Isn’t it interesting that when it comes to natural disasters in this country, the bulk of them seem to occur in red states, the ones which spawn most of the nutjobs like this one blaming it all on gays. Does it ever occur to them why their states are the hardest hit and why? Using the same irrational logic as they do, maybe their god doesn’t love them as they think he does, but punishing them for their hateful, judgmental unchristian behavior.
Hyhybt
Aw, on a Friday? Appropriate enough, I suppose, but Tuesdays just seem better for such things.
mattsy
he’s SENILE!!!
DannyHaszard
Harold Camping sounds like he plagiarized Jehovah’s Witnesses
Jehovah Witnesses are a spin-off of the second Adventist which all came from the Millerite movement.American war of 1812 army captain William Miller is ground zero for Jehovah’s Witnesses.
Yes,the “great disappointment” of Oct 22 1844 has never died out… it lives on in the Jehovah’s Witnesses.
The central CORE doctrine of the Watchtower,yes the reason the Watchtower came into existence was to declare Jesus second coming in 1914.When the prophecy (derived from William Miller of 1842) failed they said that he came “invisibly”.
—
Danny Haszard been there
Shannon1981
An when nothing happens in October? Why isn’t man in an old folks home where he belongs,or, better yet, in jail for fraud.
Robbie K
This is becoming never ending kinda like Cher’s Farewell tour…