File this in the uncomfortably overflowing “horrible homophobic service industry experiences” folder.
A gay server has taken his story of discrimination online after encountering a straight couple who demanded a new server after being seated in his section.
The reason? They wanted someone who wasn’t so “flamboyant.”
Redditor PhiPhiAokigahara posted about the infuriating experience, which became an even bigger insult after he reported it to management.
How about we take this to the next level?
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Related: Homophobic Server Tells Lesbian Couple Their Kisses Are Inappropriate At Family Restaurant
In the post, titled “We demand a new server, we don’t want this flamboyant gay one,” he writes:
“I serve at a well-known chain Italian restaurant and was making my rounds in my section tonight. That included greeting two older white people.
“I pleasantly collected their drink order and let them know they can take their time with the menus and to let me know when they’re ready.
“I’m in the kitchen talking to a co-worker when the host comes through.
“‘Phiphi do you have 32?’ ‘Yeah, why?’ ‘Well.. they want a new server.. uhh its because you’re? gay’ Cue my freak-out. Apparently the moment I left the table the husband stormed to the host stand and loudly demanded a non flamboyantly gay server because “he’s a man of God and can’t be around that.”
Phiphi reported the unacceptable behavior to his manager. That’s when the night got even worse.
I told my manager immediately in hopes that this guest would be removed. Did that happen? Nope. My manager initially gave them a stern talking to but I guess they were so polite in response my manager saw fit to not only give them full service but leave them in my section in plain sight of me despite my protests.
Luckily, not all the diners in Phiphi’s section were of such strong “moral” character.
“I was fortunate to have a regular in my section to watch the whole thing and her grandson (2) gave me a hug with so much enthusiasm while she glared down the homophobes.”
Still, Phiphi “spent the next hour in the back mostly in shock.”
Related: Waiter shares wincingly homophobic slur on receipt; restaurant fires waiter. Whuh?
“Safe to say it ruined my night,” he added.
That same regular called to complain to the unnamed chain restaurant.
Assuredly sensing lawsuit territory, Phiphi got a phone call the next day:
“I woke up today to a phone call from my boss. My regular called my manager, my general manager AND the district manager to tell them how absolutely infuriated she was over it. I got to listen to the manager who allowed their stay to apologise over and over again. It felt great to hear him so panicked over it all.
Next time the guests will be removed immediately when they make prejudiced remarks (like they should have been from the beginning!) But seriously, who does this?!”
Heywood Jablowme
“I serve at a well-known chain Italian restaurant”
We really have to guess which one? – lol
Olive Garden treats you like family! – if you have a crazy, religious, homophobic family!
spacecadet
Bucca di Beppo is another well known Italian chain.
Bryguyf69
Not necessarily. Note that the server wrote, “apologise,” not “apologize.” That’s the British spelling so it’s likely that he lives in the UK or one of the Commonwealth countries (but not Canada, which also uses, “apologize”), Other than Canada, Olive Garden has no restaurants in the British Commonwealth. Of course, there is always the possibility that it’s a Commonwealth emigre working in a US Olive Garden. Or it could be an Olive Garden in a country that uses British English, e.g. Malaysia, which has at least one Olive Garden. As a medical researcher, I’m very sensitive to this because we sometimes publish in British journals.
http://www.lukemastin.com/testing/spelling/cgi-bin/database.cgi?action=view_category&database=spelling&category=A
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olive_Garden#Locations
CanadianGuy62
Bryguyf69…I live in (and grew up in) Canada and use apologise…empathise…emphasise…judgement…colour…flavour…honour…etc., etc.
Just sayin’
Paco
“he’s a man of God and can’t be around that.”
Really? I remember from my forced indoctrination into the hypocrite cult known as Christianity, that their Jesus was always hanging out with the marginalized outcasts. Funny how the evangelicals always twist their faith to align with their own prejudices rather than adjusting their personal prejudices to follow their faith.
The manager should have said, “well since you can’t be around that, I guess you need to leave so you aren’t around it anymore.”
American Evangelicals need a long, forced trip to those other countries where Christians are truly oppressed. They need a good taste of what they try to do to others done to them.
Too bad social media can’t be used to destroy their lives the same way it is used to destroy lives for other popular causes.
Faith001
Well said! I’m the mom of a gay son who recently began living openly with his partner. Guess what, at Christmas our very “conservative Christian” relatives did not invite us. They were very uncomfortable talking with me, but of course were too cowardly to tell me the real reason they did not want us over. I’m so disgusted with them!! Christianity I thought was all about love, but I guess not the kind they practice.
Paco
Your son and his partner are very lucky to have you as a mom. My evangelical family cut ties with me years ago, but I still try to reach out on occasion. Don’t ask me why. I expect that someday I will have the cliche deathbed reunion with some of them.
I know it is wrong to paint all Christians with such a wide brush, but it seems the loving ones that use their faith for good are in the minority.
Dragyn
Paco, congrats to your son and spouse.. as for the a$$holes in restaurants, I would have to make it policy to state on board for all to see” We Do Not Discriminate Based On Gender, or Race. We Serve Pork. We Will Not Change. Thank You For Your Patronage. “
ProfessorMoriarty
@Faith001: What Paco said! You sound almost as awesome as my mama. 😉
Mr-DJ
Wow, so now they suggest we can pick WHO waits on us, if we don’t like their hair color, age, race, gender? Sorry, but we live in America, not ‘Murica! Don’t like it? Move to a Middle Eastern country where you’ll fit in so much better.
ShowMeGuy
I envision a scene where the manager comes out to inform the **good Christian-American customer** that they will have to leave because there is only one heterosexual person on the wait staff and she refuses wait on christian assholes. hahaha That would be sweet to see.
ptb2016
Makes me so angry hearing people saying they are “of God” yet behave in such an unforgiving and unChristian bigoted manner. I’d have thrown them out and told them to go home and find out what a Jesús preached,not sure wasn’t homophobia and hatred!
Kieran
I wonder what they would do if a patron said they didn’t want to be served by a black waiter?
paul dorian lord fredine
it probably wouldn’t happen because people like them most likely believe that ‘colored people’ were born to serve. it’s in the bible (/s).
tinpusher
Get a grip, girl. Just because someone doesn’t want you to serve them… so what? I have asked for a different waiter, before. Not because they are gay… hell, I’m gay. But, usually because of poor service or attitude. But, in your case, just move on, and let someone else have to deal with their homophobia.
murrayla
Nope. You have to stand up to this. What if women just moved on when they were told they can’t and shouldn’t vote? What if blacks, Jews, immigrants, anyone not in the majority at one time or another just moved on? You have to address this whenever it happens, no matter how small. We don’t have to be jerks to stand up, we just can’t lay down like a doormat. ESPECIALLY in this current moment in time when our president is giving tacet permission to discriminate.
MartyCares
Agreed. Where’s the resolve? “…Ruined my night.” Is our gay ego and confidence so fragile? Let’s hope not. Move on, indeed.
Curtispsf
@Tinpusher. I can see why you’re stuck on tin and haven’t been moved to the gold section. Your comment is absolutely asinine and totally wrong. It is important to confront bigotry whenever and wherever it shows it’s ugly arse. What about a black family that doesn’t want to be served by some “cracker honky” or a white family that doesn’t want to be served by a black or hispanic waiter? His manager should have had his back AND promptly shown these idiots the door. I’d also throw in a free Bible study class.
jwgarcia82
Are you joking? So what happens if he works in the South and a majority of the patrons don’t want him serving them? Does he just get fired? Does he just “move on” from that? You can pretend this isn’t a big deal, but if society sits back and just accepts this bullshit then it’ll happen more and more until it becomes mainstream and gay people have a hard time finding a job anywhere. It’s just a stones throw away from “Gays need no apply” signs in business windows. Say it won’t come to that, and I’ll show you a long history of exactly that happening on a regular basis.
ryuichi
I would have chatted with their new waiter and arranged for something interesting to be put into their food. Unfortunately, this kind of issue (“religious freedom”) is surfacing more and more, and I worry that SCOTUS is going to support the jesus freaks.
jwgarcia82
I can almost guarantee that it DID happen.
Danny595
No one likes effeminate males, whether gay or straight. if this is about his sexual orientation, that’s one thing, but if it is about his “flamboyance,” which means effeminacy, that’s something entirely different.
Heywood Jablowme
Danny, do you EVER go to restaurants?
Considering how many “flamboyant” gay waiters there are out there, how often have you scolded them for their effeminacy and expressed your disdain for them?
If you have done that, how often have they spit in your food? (Or worse. LOL.)
You’ll never know, will you?
radiooutmike
Who cares if he is flamboyant? You’re gonna shame effeminate men? Why? Because they’re not manly enough. Oh, they are too faggy!
You’re part of the problem.
I got news for you sunshine, if ever the shit the fan you’ll lumped in with the rest of us.
Heywood Jablowme
@radiooutmike: But that’s it – Danny is a chickensh*t and a weenie. He shames effeminate gay men via the internet, but NOT in real life. Can you imagine him talking like that to anyone in real life? One of those queens would punch him in the face, or scratch him with their painted nails!
And if he went crying to the cops, the cops would just laugh at him because to them Danny is just another f @ g.
But of course Danny would try to explain to the cops: “No, I’m different! I’m monogamous! I’m masculine!” (uncontrollable crying and pathetic sobbing.)
Curtispsf
Hey Dannyboi, No one likes “faggy” fags and you, sir, are a “faggy” fag. I’d rather hang with effeminate guys any day of the week than “faggy” fags like you.
Dragyn
Who are you to decide for EVERYONE? My brother is a queen, 6’4″, and not slim, but hes my brother, and I love him. You sound rather closeted, or homophobic. Dont answer for those you dont know.
Rocinante
Your a foul human being and given your views, maybe you should’t spend any time on a gay website. If you are gay; its quite obvious you haven’t learned one of the most powerful lessons being part of an often disenfranchised minority provides you. Dehumanizing someone over anything like “who their authentic self is”, is downright evil and immoral. Assuming you are gay I pity your self hatred and your disgusting attitude.
Piss off Danny595.
Danny595
It’s interesting to read the above responses which: 1) celebrate violence or other illegal acts or 2) mention gayness. The entire point of my comment was to distinguish between gay sexual orientation and effeminacy. But in the minds of these commenters, it is simply impossible that one could exist without the other. That is not only a false belief as a factual matter, but it betrays a significant degree of internalized homophobia.
SiamSam
@Danny595 Yep. Men being sexually attracted to men and men acting like teenage girls or sistas from the hood literally have nothing in common logically.
jwgarcia82
“No one likes effeminate males”
Wrong. Only misogynistic bigots don’t like “effeminate males” (and yes gay people and women can fit perfectly into that category.) They’re just people. Get over your petty, self-entitled, macho bullshit.
batesmotel
“No one”? That’s a broad generalization. I’ve never turned a waiter away if they were effeminate. That’s absurd.
Danny595
jwgarcia82 – Misogyny is the hatred of women, not the hatred of effeminate males. Stop erasing women and stop diluting the meaning of words used to describe the hatred of women.
Nor does a dislike of effeminacy in men say anything about how we may feel about femininity in women. A phenomenon which is admired in one context may be disfavored in another. We might love tomato sauce on our pizza, but puke if it is poured on our chocolate ice cream. And we may love feminine women, but not feminine men.
GayEGO
The gay guy did nothing wrong and these fake religious morons, like Roy Moore, should be asked to leave the restaurant because it does not permit discrimination of any kind. Suppose it was a lesbian who acted butch? It makes no difference, the fakes should have been ousted.
mujerado
Danny595,
Flamboyance is not equal to effeminacy, but in any case, it is as irrelevant as homosexuality when it comes to the person serving you. If they’re polite, prompt, and bring you what you order, you have no other legitimate basis on which to request “another server.” Your dislike of effeminate men is your problem, not theirs.
cshields
Anyone who dislikes someone for being effeminate or flamboyant is the REAL sissy here. Letting something like that bother you so deeply? How pathetic. The world doesn’t revolve around masculinity, masculine traits, and things that only men and manly-men approve of. Get over yourself and stop throwing around your opinions like they’re the law.
Now if we’re talking about those gay men who behave like obnoxious sassy black women or junior high school girls who are in your face and rude and disrespectful? Yeah, I can understand not liking people like that but here’s the thing…you don’t HAVE to act like an obnoxious sassy black woman or junior high school girl to be obnoxious…obnoxious people come in all varieties and in both genders. There are pleasantly polite and nice feminine gay men too. Your mistake—and a common mistake amongst many other people too—is that being feminine means being obnoxious, and that’s ignorant and untrue.
Harley
If I had been that server I would have made sure my ass bumped into them repeatedly just to irritate the phobes.
Mack
I agree there. I would have done the same thing. And even more-camp it up every time I was near their table.
jsmith88
I’d have brought them some plain bread and sardines. Jesus was all about helping the hungry and needy.
John
Would Jesus do that? No, he wouldn’t. I hate it when people act like assholes and blame God for it.
OzJosh
Don’t start with the “What would Jesus do?” crap. Jesus spends half the New Testament being an angry, irrational asshole, having hissy fits all over the place. Try emulating any one of them in public and see where it gets you.
He BGB
Is this really about religion and Jesus or just ignorance, fear and hatred wrapped in religion? What if the waiter was gay but they didn’t know it? Christians are giving up on saving souls and becoming power hungry politically. They’re defending a president that has been married 3 times, cheated on all the wives, paid a porn star for sex and paid her to stay quiet, a liar, a bigot who sexually harassed women by grabbing them by the p****. So people who believe in magical beings over reality are wanting the power to run the country.
masterwill7
So true! Said it perfectly…!
FrChris
Well said He BGB,
That same couple are probably served by any number of LGBT+ individuals, but because they aren’t ‘flamboyant’ they don’t even know.
This only amplifies the bigotry of the situation.
I have many extremely camp STRAIGHT friends – this same couple would have discriminated against them too – purely on appearances.
GayEGO
Right on! The customers are the fake, morons and should be ousted for their discrimination!
tjack47
I worked in a now defunct books, music and video chain. I was in books. During my rounds a couple of high school boys called me a fag. I immediately promoted myself to management, told them to leave directly, and if they didn’t, I knew their parents; and I was so disappointed in them. I’m 6’6″. They left. Problem solved.
GayEGO
Back in the day I was a Navy musician who played the flute and was harassed by a trombone player from Missouri. My gay peers told me to stand up to him in public. When the band was having a recess, I had a pack of cigarettes in my jumper and the trombone player reached to grab one and I shrieked – “Ow! You pinched my tit!”. From that time on, he never harassed me again. I guess I made him feel embarrassed the same way he had done to me.
Curtispsf
@Tinpusher. I can see why you’re stuck on tin and haven’t been moved to the gold section. Your comment is absolutely asinine and totally wrong. It is important to confront bigotry whenever and wherever it shows it’s ugly arse. What about a black family that doesn’t want to be served by some “cracker honky” or a white family that doesn’t want to be served by a black or hispanic waiter? His manager should have had his back AND promptly shown these idiots the door. I’d also throw in a free Bible study class.
FrChris
Well said!
irbaboon
christians are such mean jerks
FrChris
This is just a ridiculous situation that should never have happened.
The bigotry of the couple is blatant and unenforceable in law.
As for the wonderful posters who have shared their stories about their experience of exclusion, bigotry, etc. at the hands of ‘so-called’ Christians – my heart goes out to you all.
I was lucky, I guess – my family and all the friends who count fully accept me for who I am. Even 30 years ago when the UK was a very different place on all of this and I first came out to my immediate family, I only experienced acceptance and love.
That’s a true Christian response.
fur_hunter
Gay people are in the servicing industries for one big reason. WE know how to treat people and take care of their needs. I waited table for several years in my life’s careers. I loved it. My customers loved me and requested me. WHY? Because I treated my customers like gold….and they knew it. There will always be that incredible @$$hole of a customer who you will NEVER satisfy. Some religious PUKES just don’t get it and never will. They use a stupid book written by MEN…not God to condemn those they don’t like or disagree with. WHY? Because they are uneducated, ignorant, intolerant bigots. They are too lazy to get off their fat @$$es to find out the truth because it is so much easier to listen to some dip$H!T in a pulpit and believe blindly. I also find it so interesting how they just pick and choose the verses that suit their agenda and forget about the ones that apply to THEM. Total F*ckTards and they always will be.
jkb
Should still sue the bitches
TomOH
I waited tables back in the late 90’s at TGI Fridays. One evening, one of the other servers and her boyfriend came in for dinner and I waited on them. They’re both bodybuilders. At one point he motioned me to lean in so he could ask me a question quietly. He asked me “so, are you like the only guy working here that’s not gay?”. Out of the corner of my eye I could see his girlfriends eyes pop out like golf balls and waving for him to shut up. I simply answered “no” – which was true. It was pretty funny, because when I came back with their drinks he started apologizing to me profusely.
darren michaels
Discrimination of staff no matter an individuals skin colour, sexuality, religion, etc should not have to be a discussion, certainly not for management of a “chain”. As a well-known chain Italian restaurant, it should be a prerequisite of managers to know the standards of Human Rights. What’s more distressing is the manager actually followed through with the guest’s request to discriminate staff. As a representative of that business, management should have voiced not tolerating abuse of staff, and maybe suggest accepting service without focusing on a servers personal life.
Encountering the public is a guaranteed reaction of dining out. Disapproving of a server’s personality is not a choice. The manager’s allowing “a man of GOD” to discriminate results in guests returning and suggesting, “he did it last time”. Defending a Human Rights lawsuit looks to be a potential reality of a well-known chain Italian restaurant when managers appear not to understand the basics.
“As a man of GOD” should be a statement of MORE tolerance, not LESS. The Bible condemns sexual activity that is not between a husband and wife NOT whether it is homosexual or heterosexual conduct. (1 Corinthians 6:18) This includes intercourse, fondling another person’s genitals, and engaging in oral or anal sex.
The constant declaration of “GOD hates fags” is, in fact, proof of an individual not having read the bible. While the Bible has been inferred as disapproving of homosexual acts, it does not condone hatred of homosexuals or homophobia. Instead, Christians are directed to “respect everyone.”—1 Peter 2:17
Claims the Bible is clear in stating “homosexuality is forbidden by God” is, in fact, poor biblical scholarship and a cultural bias. Like all things, interpretation of the Bible means different things to different people. No matter how bothered “a man of GOD’ might be the Bible says nothing about “homosexuality” as an innate dimension of personality. Sexual orientation was not understood in biblical times. The Bible does reference same-gender sexual behaviour as undeniably negative. But it is the violence, idolatry and exploitation related to the behaviour condemned in these passages, NOT the same-gender nature of the behaviour. Different-gender sexual behaviour, man and woman, is condemned for the exact same reasons, yet very obviously so often ignored.
The Bible was written in a patriarchal culture assuming men were in control and women were their subjects. Marriage was not an equal partnership, men owned women, women were property.
It is an unfortunate reality “men of GOD” are so often the greatest violators of words they often hide behind attempting to condemn others.
As “a man of GOD” The Golden Rule seems a reality more suited when declaring oneself a representative of GOD. “Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You” otherwise known as the ethic of reciprocity, suggests we believe that people should aim to treat each other as they would like to be treated themselves – with tolerance, consideration and compassion.
draven
Hey waiter you are loved and appreciated. I know good luck is coming your way. Don’t worry about those loser people. I only wish you blessings and love. Just wait your lucky ? charms are coming.
chris_clb614
This can also be filed under “people who are too concerned about a stranger’s perceived sex life”, both in the “none of your business” and “less concerned about getting a good meal” categories.
Two more people who should stick to home cooking, fast food or delivery.
Clay83
Religious people are seriously revolting! I just wish they would all disappear already
Brody
True dat, ‘specially the Muzzies, they cray-cray.
GayEGO
People all over America in TV shows etc. are standing up against discrimination, this is a good thing and some day it will be a non issue!
galaxy8.news
These type of experiences are going to increase with the holy-religious-convictions demographic being encouraged by what is said to be the so-called 45 syndromes, (trump-lies).
There should be the expectation for anyone, anywhere who are members of the LGBTQIA (happy) Community, to expect such interferences. A feeling of empowerment is washing over those bathing in trumpsl?z?. The most exceptional response is to maintain one’s composure and when possible try to document the incident with video or audio recordings.
Remember, we keep the spirit, maintain a great sense of humor and strike back with grace. Peace!