DOUCHE OF THE WEEK

Rev. Johnny Hunter Thinks Marriage Is Just About Sex—And Can Prove It!

Each week, Queerty picks one blowhard, hypocrite, airhead, sanctimonious prick or other enemy of all that is queer to be the Douche of the Week. Have a nominee for DOTW? E-mail it to us at holla@queerty.com.

 

For our current Douche of the Week we looked to North Carolina, where Reverend Johnny Hunter has jumped into the state’s marriage-equality battle. Next week representatives will decide whether to add a ballot amendment banning same-sex marriage and domestic unions in the Tar Heel State. The “right” reverend showed up to a press conference organized by House Speaker Dale Folwell (R) to explain just why such a law is so important.

In the above clip, J-Hun explaining why gay marriage can never become a reality (at about 0:55). He stands at the lectern explaining that, “the anatomy is not right for a homosexual to even consummate a marriage. What it takes to consummate a marriage is a lock and a key.” Then he actually inserts a key into a lock, for those who miss the sexual metaphor.

We appreciated his illustration of heterosexual vaginal sex—not since Gloria Allred’s demonstration of anal sex with a baseball bat have we enjoyed such an inspired explanation of human intercourse—but boiling down marriage to fornication is grossly wrongheaded. Of course, Hunter probably also preaches against premarital sex, so it’s not surprising he considers weddings to be not about the vows, but the honeymoon.

It does make us wonder, though: Does that mean Hunter believes straight men and women who can’t have sex due to a medical condition marry either? Or if the spark goes out of your marriage you should file for divorce?

Hunter joins the likes of  Senator James Forrester (R-NC), lead sponsor of the state’s marriage ban and a medical doctor who says that he truly feels for his homosexual patients because he knows they’re gonna die at least 20 years earlier than everyone else. (What compassion!)

And with his insightful marital analogy, Hunter also joins the likes of Rick Santorum, who infamously compared gay marriage to both a napkin and a beer, and traditional marriage to paper towels and water.

All together now: What a bunch of douches!

 

Video via Think Progress