Few of us wish to contemplate the pain of losing a partner. How much worse to then receive messages from so-called Christians informing you that they’re pleased your other half had died and that he’s now residing in hell.
That’s the situation that a cleric with the Church of England finds himself in this week, following the death of his civil partner.
Rev. Richard Coles, 57, has celebrity status in the UK. In the 1980s, as a musician, he teamed up with singer Jimmy Somerville to form the band The Communards and enjoyed a number one hit single with a cover of “Don’t Leave Me This Way” in 1986 (it reached 40 in the Billboard Hot 100).
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After the band split, Coles followed a very different path, becoming ordained with the Church of England. He’s the vicar of Finedon, Northamptonshire. He has a show on BBC radio and also appeared as a contestant on the UK version of Dancing with the Stars (Strictly Come Dancing) – in 2017.
In 2007 he met his partner, a fellow Church of England clergy, Rev. David Coles. The Church allows clergy to marry. However, it only permits clergy to enter same-sex civil unions if those involved vow to remain celibate (a contentious issue and one that LGBTQ advocates in the church continue to lobby against).
Sadly, Richard took to Twitter this week to announce David had died following a period of illness.
I’m very sorry to say that @RevDavidColes has died. He had been ill for a while. Thanks to the brilliant teams who looked after him at @KettGeneral. Funeral details to follow. “The Lord shall be thine everlasting light, and the days of thy mourning shall be ended”. pic.twitter.com/usvLDIBDv7
— Richard Coles (@RevRichardColes) December 17, 2019
He was immediately flooded with messages of support and condolences.
However, it appears not everyone feels the same sympathy.
Coles returned to Twitter yesterday to say: “99.99999% loveliness from people and then a small but lively correspondence from Christians who wish me to know that D is in hell and I will follow. It’s like the Khmer Rouge suddenly popping up in a stream of condolence.”
99.99999% loveliness from people and then a small but lively correspondence from Christians who wish me to know that D is in hell and I will follow. It’s like the Khmer Rouge suddenly popping up in a stream of condolence.
— Richard Coles (@RevRichardColes) December 19, 2019
He followed it up a few hours later with an example.
“A letter, courageously unsigned, begins: ‘Dear Mr Coles, I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am to hear of the death of your partner…’”
A letter, courageously unsigned, begins: “Dear Mr Coles, I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am to hear of the death of your partner…”
— Richard Coles (@RevRichardColes) December 19, 2019
News of the hate mail has prompted further messages of support. Coles has been quick to assure his followers that he is unaffected by the correspondence.
“The horrible letters: they don’t touch me. I am right now an expert in pain, the real kind, and these are paper darts among the incoming, and just leave me mildly curious about the state of mind of the writer.”
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However, he has reported the messages to police, who are investigating them as potential hate crimes. Northamptonshire police confirmed to the BBC they had visited Coles, “in relation to malicious communications he had received.
“We take a zero-tolerance approach towards hate crime and would encourage anyone who has been a victim of hate crime to come forward and report it to us.”
Police called this evening, sympathetic and professional, and my hateful correspondence is now evidence. Thank you @NorthantsPolice
— Richard Coles (@RevRichardColes) December 20, 2019
Despite his obvious heartache, Coles says he has managed to smile and been touched by the support he has received.
“Bumped into a friend. We talked about D and how much we loved him and how good he was at sorting out those parts of my life in which I am deficient. Then she said, “you know, he’d never have let you out in that shirt and jumper”. First proper laugh since widowhood arrived.”
Bumped into a friend. We talked about D and how much we loved him and how good he was at sorting out those parts of my life in which I am deficient. Then she said, “you know, he’d never have let you out in that shirt and jumper”. First proper laugh since widowhood arrived.
— Richard Coles (@RevRichardColes) December 19, 2019
Chrisk
There are very few good Christians out there and he’s definitely one of them. Must be tough being one of the good ones surrounded by so many shitty hateful people though.
HowardGyUK
I think that’s a bit harsh. Look at how many lovely people… obviously many of them of deep faith… sent him love and support. In the UK, in my experience, there are a whole host of Christians who support our community, vociferously and courageously. There are others of course who don’t! … but let’s be balanced.. And I do appreciate that the story may be different in parts of the US… but we go forward
Georgeiv2
O.K. I am thick but I didn’t pick up that Rev Coles was Gay I just enjoyed his wit and amusing stories but anyway its not that important .What is is that two people in a loving relationship can be told by bigoted so called Christians that its wrong and to attack the other half of a couple in such a foul and cowardly way, whilst they are grieving,it is just beyond the pale . I just want to give him a hug and tell him that I understand his loss .
startenout
Since the Reverend himself said that 99.999999% of his responses were positive, your ugliness about Christianity is the only true ugliness here and fully fake news. Your personal hatred toward Christians based on a terrible childhood (and adulthood) stands out just like the singular unglued responses he received; meant to be ignored by truly loving people. Merry Christmas!
sfhairy
Hell is a construct of our own minds – not a real place.
DCFarmboy
Please don’t use “Reverend” as a noun. It is improper. Do you not have an editor?
sfhairy
No, Queerty can’t afford one.
niles
Seriously? that’s your take on this story?
Kangol2
It’s OK in informal usage: From The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language online (Copyright 2020 Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. All rights reserved.):
rev·er·end (r?v’?r-?nd)
Share:
adj.
1. Deserving reverence.
2. Relating to or characteristic of the clergy; clerical.
3. Reverend Abbr. Rev. Used as a title and form of address for certain clerics in many Christian churches. In formal usage, preceded by the: the Reverend Jane Doe; Reverend John Jones.
n.
Informal
A cleric or minister. Used with the.
[Middle English, from Old French, from Latin reverendus, gerundive of rever?r?, to revere; see REVERE1.]
Doug
Maybe I’m getting older, but every day I’m more and more taken aback by how hateful people can be in this world.
gothvixen
Richard is very much loved in the UK and these cnuts are the lowest of the low. Most of us think marriage is a right for everyone and were happy to hear he’d found such love. He will be well-supported in his grief, the scum will never win.
mattpj71
Good to hear the majority of his messages were of support, as they should be at this time!! I hope he is coping well, I don’t think I would be if I were in that situation!!
GayEGO
So sad to hear Richard’s husband David has passed away. My lifetime partner of 57 years passed away in June this year. These homophobic’ brains have been damaged by their religion such that they are unable to think about relationships. Fortunately, we are advancing into the future and these homophobic nutcakes are sinking into the past.
Matthewnow
If these haters were true Christians they would be sending only thoughts of love and peace.
IWantAFullBeard
The problem with these religious folks is really their manners. You don’t just tell someone they are going to hell. You tell them they are going to hell and then offer to buy them an air conditioning unit.
batesmotel
I love that they claim he is in Hell as if they have verifiable physical evidence of his location. They’re so convinced of that is what eerie. To be living in their limited minds.