A gay man says his roommate, who is also gay, won’t stop making unwanted sexual advances and he isn’t sure how to deal with it, so he’s seeking advice from Rich Juzwiak over at Slate.
“I didn’t know how much he was into me until I moved in with him,” the man writes. “I was in a tight spot, and I reached out to him, and he offered me the second room in his apartment.”
The guys have been friends for close to 20 years. The man says he’s in a better place financially now and could move out, but “I am committed to sticking with him as a roomie.”
There’s just one teensy, tiny problem…
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“He continues to tell me how much he wants to suck my d*ck. It’s worse when he gets more beers down. I’m not into him. I did think he was cute 20 years ago when we met. Not so much now.”
The man says his roommate is “a wonderful person” and he loves hanging out with him, but he just doesn’t want to have sex with him.
He now wonders: “Should I just finally give in and get the one-sided blow job? Or continue to hold my ground and tell him that we’re just great friends and that could ruin what we’ve got going?”
In his response, Juzwiak cautions to man to get out while he can.
“Letting him suck your d*ck will likely make him want it more, not less,” he says. “He may even feel entitled to it after that, preying on your ambivalence and forcing you to come up a reason why you let him have it then but not now.”
Juzwiak encourages the man to be more assertive.
“There’s no reason to accept a blow job out of mere politeness,” he explains.
Being polite, he says, “is listening to your roommate talk about his day,” not letting him do, well, that.
“He’s harassing you,” Juzwiak concludes. “He may have been kind to you in the past, but now, not so much. Consider moving out.”
What advice would you give this man? Sound off in the comments section below…
cdnwilde
How good a friend is he if he can’t accept your honest request to stop his sexual advances? Of course, you have tell him honestly and straight up that you’d like him to stop. He may not realize that he’s harassing you and may be blinded by his own lustful feelings and by how much he’s into you. He may be interpreting your willingness to listen to him as an acceptance that his advances are okay. A good friendship, in my humble opinion, is never one sided. If he’s a good friend to you, he should listen to you as much as you’re listening to him. I agree with Juzwiak, if your roommate can’t accept you being straightforward with him, and that your being honest with him about how you feel, it’s time to move out before something more damaging ensues.
Max
don’t make it more awkward…
djmcgamester
The dude’s a creep. Be firm and tell him it is NOT acceptable behavior. If he can’t accept it well, as you say, you can afford to move out.
Brian
How has this not come up before in a 20 year friendship? Or has this guy been unsuccessfully trying to get into his pants for 20 years?
I would be really creeped out to find out that a platonic friend of 2 decades had secretly been lusting after me that entire time. I also wouldn’t have a 20 year friendship with someone who had been actively not taking no for an answer for the entire time we knew each other. Either way, it’s weird.
Josh447
If it’s Fatal Attraction time, even tho the major signs aren’t showing yet, then yeah move out. I lived in a roommate sitch with that same issue but the guy wasn’t a threat to me physically nor was he a friend. He was happy go lucky but still persistent. Yet I did make it VERY clear where my boundaries stood and I felt good still being around him and we stayed living together. But then there were 6 of us living together so there was quite a buffer zone also.
Yeah a close friend that you thought was platonic suddenly gets romantic. Yeah it would be very weird to all of a sudden be on two different pages.
surfpenis
Usually I would ask, what harm is there in letting a dude give you some head … but this crosses the line. If he continues to request it, and doesn’t understand both letters in the word NO, then yeah, maybe it’s time to move on.
Grandolphrz
If he’s committed to sticking with him as a roommate, then he’s going to have to deal with his roommate wanting to suck it. If he ever gives in, that will just be more trouble for him. It’s not an ideal roommate situation. He should just move out.
TomG
He is financially able to move out but won’t? That means to me that he likes the attention and is just a tease. I have to presume that they men are in their forties having a 20 year friendship, but it appears neither of them grew up.
wellinmysoul
more to this than we are told here
Jack Meoff
What a totally BS story
radiooutmike
How reliable is the man?
He could move out, but does not want to? That could mean, he’s simply cheap. Or he likes being a tease. I don’t think we’re getting the whole story here.