RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap: Ho, Ho, Ho Your Boat!

I’m still recovering from my Snatch Game hangover. Yes, it’s a tough episode to follow, but RuPaul reminds us that it’s spring break. Woo-hoo! Instantly, my fake hangover is reminded of how much worse real a hangover can be.

For the mini-challenge, the girls will be competing in an “all-American wet t-shirt contest.” All-American? Well, it’s nice to know we’re  is recognized for our classy ways.

I’m shocked: This is the mini-challenge? What does that mean for the rest of the episode? They’ve only been promoting a sopping wet Dida Ritz for, like, seven months. What more is there?!?

Our only clues to the main challenge are the references to cruise ships and Stonewall in the weekly she-mail.

For this wet T-shirt contest, the girls are each given a pair of voluptuous ta-tas and some delightfully trashy clothing and made to perform in front of a roaring crowd at “Drag-tona Beach.”

Here’s the rundown:

* Ru announces Milan as, “London. Paris. Milan!” I think this might be the fourth time this season? It’s officially ridiculous. Please, just say something else… “Milan is nice this of year!” “I’ll take a one-way ticket to Milan!” “Milan! That word rhymes with Black Swan.”  Seriously. Any of these would be better than hearing that introduction again.

* Sharon does a comedy performance because she likes to “mock sexiness.” It includes a spit take. Sure, why not?

* Phi Phi manages to lose both her boobs and her wig. And. It. Is. So. Painful. To. Watch.

* Willam squirts a bottle of sunblock everywhere and then serves up some Hollywood sluttiness.  If it looks so natural, is it acting?

* Latrice says that her “alter ego is a stripper.” And after she does a split and a leg lift that requires crotch blurring, I can’t disagree.

And the winner? Well, let’s see if you can guess who based on her quote: “I won. It’s kind of a hobby of mine. Thank you god for all this bod.”

Yes, Willam. Con-drag-ulations. The thing is, I love to hate you. And for that to keep happening… you must win some challenges. I’ve accepted this. Now, let’s move on.