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RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap: Ho, Ho, Ho Your Boat!

I’m still recovering from my Snatch Game hangover. Yes, it’s a tough episode to follow, but RuPaul reminds us that it’s spring break. Woo-hoo! Instantly, my fake hangover is reminded of how much worse real a hangover can be.

For the mini-challenge, the girls will be competing in an “all-American wet t-shirt contest.” All-American? Well, it’s nice to know we’re  is recognized for our classy ways.

I’m shocked: This is the mini-challenge? What does that mean for the rest of the episode? They’ve only been promoting a sopping wet Dida Ritz for, like, seven months. What more is there?!?

Our only clues to the main challenge are the references to cruise ships and Stonewall in the weekly she-mail.

For this wet T-shirt contest, the girls are each given a pair of voluptuous ta-tas and some delightfully trashy clothing and made to perform in front of a roaring crowd at “Drag-tona Beach.”

Here’s the rundown:

* Ru announces Milan as, “London. Paris. Milan!” I think this might be the fourth time this season? It’s officially ridiculous. Please, just say something else… “Milan is nice this of year!” “I’ll take a one-way ticket to Milan!” “Milan! That word rhymes with Black Swan.”  Seriously. Any of these would be better than hearing that introduction again.

* Sharon does a comedy performance because she likes to “mock sexiness.” It includes a spit take. Sure, why not?

* Phi Phi manages to lose both her boobs and her wig. And. It. Is. So. Painful. To. Watch.

* Willam squirts a bottle of sunblock everywhere and then serves up some Hollywood sluttiness.  If it looks so natural, is it acting?

* Latrice says that her “alter ego is a stripper.” And after she does a split and a leg lift that requires crotch blurring, I can’t disagree.

And the winner? Well, let’s see if you can guess who based on her quote: “I won. It’s kind of a hobby of mine. Thank you god for all this bod.”

Yes, Willam. Con-drag-ulations. The thing is, I love to hate you. And for that to keep happening… you must win some challenges. I’ve accepted this. Now, let’s move on.


On:           Mar 6, 2012
Tagged: , , ,
    • DenverBarbie

      Willam’s victory quip, “It feels correct to win,” officially won me over on to the bitch’s team. I might love to hate her, but my god- I *really love* to hate her.

      And your cheat check list, “I’m taking everything and anything that might need to give me an edge: disco balls, Andy Warhol’s ghost, live piranha—anything,” reminded me why your recaps are my fave every Tuesday morning. Keep it up, Mr. Sweeten (you really are a Texan, huh?).

      Mar 6, 2012 at 3:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Gary Indiana

      You missed the most important part of the episode: Willam makes a comment about having used the wedding-window in California to get married.

      Willam is married. Somebody married Willam. How is this real? I know he has a great ass, but(t) really.

      Mar 6, 2012 at 3:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ChristopherM

      I feel like Willam’s runway outfit should have lost him the challenge. It is a hell of a lot harder to create something fabulous (see Latrice) versus buying something you once saw Sarah Jessica Parker wear. Besides, I’m for no wins for Willam until he walks down the runway and I can’t see his beard through his makeup.

      Mar 6, 2012 at 3:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Curtis

      Im the other way around:
      I hate the fact that I like Willam to much!

      Mar 6, 2012 at 3:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Fitz

      Be nice to Willam. His time is short. We’ve all seen
      pretty things like him, and seen them end up working Polk street. That personality (disorder) all but ensures no
      permanent work.

      Mar 6, 2012 at 3:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • stevoj

      @Curtis: i feel the exact same way. she is a complete bitch and i absolutely love it

      is this what it felt like to be on team Raja and team Raven…

      Mar 6, 2012 at 4:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • wc1

      Willam is hysterical, love his dry sense of humor. He always knows the cameras are running.

      Bitchiest quote of the night was from Sharon: “…so I dress up like Lady Gaga.” The only one that got it was the one it was directed to (PhiPhi) – if looks could kill.

      Mar 6, 2012 at 4:12 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Curtis


      As much as I love Ru Paul, (and Willam xD), If Ru just ends up picking his favorite queen again that he had pretty much decided to pick on the first day and that stood the best chance of winning, (like with Raven and Raja), and he just picks her.. Im going to be a little annoyed.

      Mar 6, 2012 at 4:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tookietookie

      Raven was robbed of the win (as was Manila, imo.)

      I like Willam a lot, but I am rooting for Sharon or Latrice. Their looks are more interesting. Willam always just looks like a mix between his Jessica Simpson and that toddler in tiara kid with the new show they keep playing the commercial for.

      I was disappointed in Milan because her look for the initial promo of the show was really pretty. Who knew she’d turn out to be such a space case.

      Phi Phi looked really good for the first time this season, but she, Dida, and Jiggly still need to go like yesterday. Chad needs to do something else besides Cher/Vegas or else he needs to go to.

      I predict the final 3 will be Sharon, Latrice, and Willam. Ru will award the win to Shangela.

      Mar 6, 2012 at 4:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • willam

      All i really want is for everyone in America to say “I wanna do a shot with THAT bitch” and point at me. Even if you hate me, i think people can see that i’d at least entertain them and i’m a damn good time. thanks for the acquiescing. WILLAM

      Mar 6, 2012 at 4:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • wc1


      Win or lose Willam, Ru needs to hire you to do commentary on Season 5. You’re fucking sharp.

      Mar 6, 2012 at 4:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • AshNYC

      I went to college with the best pageant girls in the country..including Kristin Chenoweth… i can spot a winner…I called Willam from episode one!

      Mar 6, 2012 at 4:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tookietookie

      @willam: lol, well I would say that.

      Mar 6, 2012 at 4:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mark

      Sharon is my #1. But just listening to Latrice Royale break out into that big girl laugh in Untucked is a joy.

      Mar 6, 2012 at 4:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chris

      I want Latrice! I’m sorry to all the fans of those skinny bitches here but once that queen’s got a new pair of boots she’ll walk all over the others. Oh, and Sharon’s a pretty witty conversationalist, too, not just Willam.

      Mar 6, 2012 at 5:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • vanfanusa

      I can’t believe no one mentioned that porn star Jesse Santana was one of the pit crew clones! I recognized him immediately. I’m not sure what that says about me.

      Mar 6, 2012 at 7:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mikey

      I was also thrown by the whole Willam being married (or getting married and then the other guy came to his senses). Who in their right mind would marry that crazy bitch? Also, Willam really does need to shave better and I’m shocked that the judges really haven been on that bitches back about it. Plus, they called out Milan for self-promotion on her float, but said nothing about Willam’s boat being plastered stars with her 5-o’clock-shadow face on it. Whatev.

      I’m hoping next week is Jiggly’s week to go home. After this weeks showing, I see no reason for her to stay around. You care clearly out of your league girl. Take the lifeboat and sail away.

      Finally, as much as people get on Phi Phi, I’m still in love with her. I think she really brought it this week and I’m hoping she keep on improving. I swear, if she’s the Manilla of this season, I’m gonna punch Ru Paul. That was robbery, Ru.

      Mar 6, 2012 at 9:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stephen

      I have lived in Texas since 1990. Perfect? no. But, is it safe to be gay in any of the major cities? Absolutely–gay bashing is quite rare. Hell, I came out in Corpus, which isn’t exactly a liberal hotbed. San Antonio is no exception. She may have had a hard home life or whatever (who hasn’t), but bitch needs to stop blaming this fine state for her nasty personality. Send Phi Phi home, stat.

      Mar 6, 2012 at 10:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • zephyr with a Z

      My pick for the final three: Sharon, Latrice and Chad Michaels. Something tells me Willam crashes and burns, not sure why I think that but I do. And Phi Phi has bugged me since the very first episode, I am completely over her constantly bitching about everybody else. I can’t remember exactly what she said, it was during the Untucked and something along the lines of ‘we should all be there for each other’, which was so hypocritical coming from her.

      OMG on the Pit Crew!! That furry guy looks incredibly sexy no matter what, but when he was all wet during the mini-challenge that was the only thing I could focus on. Dude, you are amazing!

      And not to hate on our author, but Jason, next time you write an article you should probably get somebody else from queerty to proofread it for you. I quit counting how many typos and missing words were in this recap after the first three on page 1. Aim higher, it does matter. Peace.

      Mar 6, 2012 at 10:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dr

      How is it that the loudest and whiniest of them all has won not a single episode? Phi Phi’s sole talent is bashing the other girls and saying how talentless they are. And then they go on and win the challenge. Hysterical.

      Mar 6, 2012 at 10:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mark

      Question: Why on the runway do the contestants seem to be at the sewing machines and Willam is allowed to strut out in Dolce and Gabanna dress covered by a Dior coat or whatever the f-???? Has Willam actually modeled anything he put together that wasn’t label? No wonder he won the boat thing. He spent 100 percent of the time working on it and went out in designer threads.

      Mar 6, 2012 at 11:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam

      Sharon was mocked at the beginining for being different by the other girls, apparently they forgot about Raja winning last year.

      Willam….I can’t decide if at the beginning he was playing vacant, wanted to stay quiet, or was just getting edited out because in the last two episodes suddenly she is showing quite the personality and frankly is cracking me up!

      My guess for the final three is Sharon, Willam, and Chad Michaels. And I’m sorry, but Willam and Sharon’s sense of humor, quirky and dry as the Sahara is cracking me up.

      Mar 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • stevoj

      @Curtis: people give Ru a lot of flack and i feel it’s undeserved. if you go back and look at season one you can honestly say that there wasn’t much to work with. i mean Nina was unique but that new shine faded fast. that season was pretty much anyone’s game, well except for Glasscock

      season two was a bit different. you had a higher level of talent and much brighter personalities. i respected Raven’s abilities but i didn’t like her attitude one bit. she was arrogant and rude… and she couldn’t even lose graciously. Juju could have won for all i cared but Tyra was a nice choice

      i honestly felt that Yara and Manila were jilted the most. Yara should have been in the top three and Manila should have won. i was sick of Alexis cuz she never accepted criticism. Raja was a fierce walker and that’s about it. she was pretty quiet in the beginning of the season and kept it bitchy in confessionals only. then late season all the phoniness ran free and we saw the real her. and i’m still mad the judges bought that whole “my win is for the children, who are different, just like me and Whitney Houston, born this way, free your mind” bullshit

      but i agree with a lot of the criticism about this season. there aren’t any pretty girls and the level of talent is sub-par. this is becoming a cake walk for Willam and Sharon. whoever else lands in the top three doesn’t really matter

      oh and by “pretty” i mean “fishy”… these girls look like guys most of the time (whether they’re on or off the stage)

      Mar 7, 2012 at 2:09 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rance

      Thank god I don’t have cable.

      Mar 7, 2012 at 2:43 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stephen

      Oh, and Willam rocks. Totally cool, totally calm, totally collected… Above the bitchery, and fabulous, to boot. Girl, if you are reading this, you have officially won me over from team Needles! And don’t let them tell you you have man face… They all do!

      Mar 7, 2012 at 3:13 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • transwoman

      Transition or get off the pot bitch.
      As a transwoman I see right past that male facade.

      Mar 7, 2012 at 9:43 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jack J.

      Willam needs to worry about that heavy-ass 5 o’clock shadow. And Sweeten – did you really write “subtly” when you obviously meant “subtlety?” And Drag Race is having ITS own pride parade… not “it’s” own. Not possessive. C’mon.

      Mar 7, 2012 at 10:06 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Curtis

      As a gay man, I’ve never seen a drag queen look so comfortable and convincing doing slutty while serving realness, I relate..
      But there’s a big difference between sometimes fantasizing about being a woman, and genuinely being one on the inside.
      (just speculation, I don’t know her personally!)

      Mar 7, 2012 at 3:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam


      I actually thought Shannel in Season one was a better all around performer, but it was weird, she could transform a linebacker into a JAnet Jackson lookalike, and Rebecca slapped some make-up on a thin pretty girl and Ru would still give Rebecca the win.

      I have to dissagree with you on Tyra, mostly because the winner is supposed to be good on the mike and Tyra couldn’t talk.

      I didn’t think Alexis should have been in the top three, then I saw her perform live and I have to say, she was fantastic, so I’m guessing some of the judging is based on things we don’t see maybe.

      Mar 7, 2012 at 3:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Curtis

      @Jack J.:
      do you know anything about drag makeup?

      Mar 7, 2012 at 3:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jack J.

      If it’s the makeup, then she needs to wear a different kind… it’s atrocious. And no one else has that problem.

      Mar 7, 2012 at 8:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stephen

      @Jack J.

      “If it’s the makeup, then she needs to wear a different kind… it’s atrocious. And no one else has that problem.”

      Um, hello, Latrice? Girl needs to blend!

      Mar 8, 2012 at 1:00 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Gaga Milano watches

      thanks for this …. girl needs to blend is right

      Apr 7, 2012 at 4:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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