Season Four of RuPaul’s Drag Race is here! Thirteen queens are competing for the title of America’s Next Drag Superstar and, based on the intro montage, it seems to involve… a wet T-shirt contest? Well, may the best woman win.
We open on our beloved workroom: It’s silent, not yet filled with fierceness or synthetic boobies. One by one, the girls enter and introduce themselves. The first episode is always such a whirlwind—it’s tough to keep up with everyone in and out of makeup. Let’s start here:
- Willam is a blonde, pretty boy who brags about being an “ac-tor” (she adds the extra syllable so her massive ego can fit).
- Lashauwn Beyond said she’s “the main attraction for the circus.” With her giant ring of hair and a gold, studded body suit… I wouldn’t disagree.
- Jiggly Caliente is a plus-sized queen from Queens who wins the award for Best Drag Name Inspired by a Pokémon.
- Phi Phi O’Hara is brunette pretty boy, but we didn’t learn much about him because Willam kept talking.
- Madame LaQueer is our first Puerto Rican—WILLAM NEEDS ATTENTION! JOKE! LAUGH! WILLAM! Sorry, this girl couldn’t get a word in with Willam around.
- Despite her name, Milan is from New York. She wore a zebra pantsuit, and is trying sooo hard.
- Alisa Summers? Proud of her titties.
- Dida Ritz stood out because she wore a blazer. I’m not sure if that’s a good way to stand out.
- The Princess lacks hair but makes up for it in tattoos.
- Kenya Michaels is not from Kenya; she’s from Puerto Rico and packs a lot of booty dance for such smallness.
- Chad Michaels came in looking so much like Cher that Cher sued her for copyright infringement.
- Sharon Needles wins for Best Pun Name (obvi), and described herself as “beautiful, spooky, and stupid.” I love her so much (plus, her introduction video was hysterical).
- Latrice Royale (above) is “chunky yet funky.” Done. Dying. Thank you. This is why we own televisions.
She warns the girls about the upcoming apocalypse and how they were our last hope for the glamazons of the future. Yes, the premier episode is inspired by the Mayan calendar and the world ending in about eleven months. So delightfully… campy?
Ru then appears in the flesh and fabulousness to reveal this season’s prizes: a lifetime supply of cosmetics, a free trip from AlandChuck.travel (I giggle every time she says that name), some “prize” from Absolut that sounded like work, and… wait for it: $100,000!
Now, this was a moment. I remember the first seasons of Drag Race—they only gave out $25,000, which didn’t seem like nearly enough for all they put these girls through. But now that they’re in the six figure range? Well, I think Madame LaQueer said it best, “I just wanted to pee on the floor and start doing flip-flops.”
But she realized someone was missing. Ah, yes: the pit crew. Some scantily clad man candy come in wheeling a giant box labeled “explosives.”
Here’s a hint as to what was inside: Hallelu!
Yes, Shangela. She. Is. Back. Again?
Repeating a joke usually isn’t funny (Shangela was given a second chance last season—and also popped out of a box), so RuPaul cuts it short, demanding the crate be filled with a rabid honey badger and then set on fire. It’s time to make room for new queens.
Bye, Shangela! Hallelu. Hallelu.
Then, it was off to the mini-challenge: Celebrity-buffman-photographer Mike Ruiz has the girls wear white dresses, stand on a rotating platform, and get sprayed by “toxic waste” (paint). While I appreciate the production value, I loathe that they just copied this idea from Alexander McQueen.
The best part of this challenge? The falling. Most of the girls just stumbled or wobbled; however, when the photographer tells Jiggly Caliente to “find the camera,” she finds the floor. With her face. But Jiggly dusted herself off and finished fiercely.
Latrice Royale was the second to fall, choosing to stay down and just pose from there. And after talking more smack and stumbling like a crazy queen, Willam almost bit it.
Almost. Oh, darn.
With the shoot over, it was time to take off the makeup and put on the claws. Phi Phi O’Hara starts fighting with Willam, and then Dida Ritz tries to make a big speech about how everyone needs to just “get along.”
Um, has she watched this show?
Before things got too cray-cray, RuPaul enters to announce the winner of the photo challenge: Jiggly Caliente! Her picture was… fine. But I think Jiggly won because she didn’t let a faceplant stop her.
I think the producers made up that last one, but let’s run with it.
Out come hordes of drag-queen zombies from former seasons (look, it’s Pandora Boxx!) holding the supplies that our girls needed to make their post-apocalyptic couture.
Project Runway take note—Mood has nothing on drag queens looting their materials from the undead.
Chaos ensues: Sharon Needles blends right in.
In the end, the girls make it out alive. Then, almost out of nowhere, Shangela appeared and was eaten by the zombies. Hallelu!
Once they return to the workroom, the queens see it’s been stocked with more supplies. They scramble to grab camouflage, netting, gas masks and other Armageddon accessories. Eventually everyone settles into their workstation, where Lashauwn worries about how to start making her “post apoc-a-lock-tick outfit.”
After some sewing and hot gluing, RuPaul comes in to evaluate: The Princess is told to start over (she made a pink ballerina dress), Jiggly Caliente constructs a baked potato with siren shoulder pads (but not in a good way) and Latrice Royale reveals that she went to prison for eighteen months for “doing some stupid things.”
Note to self: Never mess with Latrice.
The next day in the workroom sees some bonding moments: Latrice tries to boost Lashauwn’s confidence and Milan consoles Jiggly about the loss of his mom. By then, The Princess had magically conjured a nautical outfit and compliments Sharon Needles on her sexy “meth look.” Oh, and Alisa Summers reveals she got a DUI once.
Note to self: Never take a ride from Alisa Summers.
Here are the highlights from the judges’ table:
*“Is that a dream catcher covering her private parts?” (Regarding Phi Phi’s warrior accessory)
*“I stomped it out. I’m giving big girl sexy.” (Latrice on her own fierceness)
*“This is an infected Betsy Johnson.” (Michelle Visage on Milan’s pink ensemble)
*“Hoarding is the new black.” (The most appropriate response to Jiggly’s trash-tacular dress thing)
*“…” (silence, when Alisa Summers comes out as a dominatrix with a flyswatter)
*“Oh, she’s bleeding.” (when Sharon Needles drools fake blood. Amazing.)
RuPaul calls seven girls names and congratulates them on making it to the next round. As they walk off stage, she criticized them for not being memorable enough. Ru, you’re difficult to please.
From there, the judges chat up the top and bottom three.
Lashauwn Beyond was there because her impressive headpiece was the size of Kenya Michaels. Sharon was “drop-dead gorgeous.”
The Princess worked it nicely with a nod to Waterwold. Jiggly Caliente’s problem? Editing! Just because you get your hands on twenty feet of tinfoil doesn’t mean it has to be your dress. Kenya got dinged for skirting the challenge by going as a phoenix. And Alisa’s “S&M goddess” just was just… no.
The winner…is Sharon Needles! Con-drag-ulations, lady! Sharon wins an elegant gown and immunity in next week’s challenge. The audience was also a winner, though: we got to hear RuPaul say the name of the sponsor, “Sequin Queen dot com.” Twice!
Jiggly and Alisa were in the bottom two and had to lipsynch for their lives. The song is Britney Spears’ “Toxic” and Jiggly kills it. Kicks. Choreography. Feathers flying everywhere. A split! Homegirl did a split! Alisa just holds the flyswatter and walks around. At least you made the judge’s decision easy, gurl. Now, sashay away.
Jiggly cries tears of happiness and called RuPaul “Mama” one more time. And for a girl who lost her biological mother just a few years ago, it was a touching moment. Oh, Drag Race. How you take us on such a roller coaster of feelings.
Next week: It’s the wrestling episode, and Latrice looks like she destroys it.
Jason Sweeten is still looking for the perfect drag name. For now, he has a Twitter handle @jswee10
This is the reason why I hate LOGO channel. All they ever show is that RuPaul drag race show. AS IF BEING GAY IS ALL ABOUT BEING A TRANSVESTITE OR WHATEVER. No wonder the str8s think we are all that way.
Jakeo you dude are ignorant and just plain stupid in so many ways…
christopher di spirito
Zombie drag queens were inspired. Great start to the 4th season.
Sure are a lot of obese people!
I am not PC enough to call them “Plus sized”. They are over fat – obese… dangerously so.
I don’t think I can watch a whole season of Ru Paul’s gainers.
Willam was so funny in Ticked-Off Trannies with Knives and she’s looking prettier on RPDR4, which makes it a real shame that she is proving to be the most grating and unlikable character on the show.
Here’s to hoping there’s some punk rock kiki blooming between The Princess and Sharon Needles! Not only is “You’re the type of guy I go for, I like the whole meth thing” the best come on ever, but RuPaul’s Drag Race is long overdue for some Real World-styled, subtitled, breathy, night vision cam shots. Just sayin’.
RuPaul’s Drag Race is easily one of the best TV shows around. It’s funny, it’s touching, and it’s blissfully diverse. It consistently amazes me how men in makeup and lady frocks are the most honest, most vulnerable, most thoughtful people on television today.
AAArrrrggghhhh no UK broadcaster has this show – where can I watch it- none of the download links ive found work
This season, these girls got TEEF! Yes, TEEF! not teeth. Woo!
@charlie_jack: it’s usually on one of SKY channels, I think E4 picked up the last series.
@jakeo: Why in hell do you care what the str8s think about us?
If you like my fan page, you can call me an asshole there too 😉
There was a lot of Jiggly love in that review. Gotta say- from a personal viewpoint- he was right up there with Willam as one of the more unbearable, obnoxious and overblown ego-filled of the lot. Though that may be because I saw what they showed of him in the untucked.
Also from a shallow, visual perspective- her mouth is horrifying. Those teeth saw WAY too much sugar and not nearly enough toothpaste. It’s somewhat nightmarish.
One thing I can agree with, however? Sharon Needles rocks and I’m rooting for her.
I thought Willam was hilarious AND smart. Last year Raja was judged by the other “boogers” for having a career before RuPauls Drag Race. PhiPhi was defensive from the jump. Not all drag queens need to be the same. Some queens lip synch and do pageants and other act on t.v. and film.
I Love Sharon Needles. I’m definitely rooting for her. I just hope she can show some variety while still keeping that off-kilter style. I’d hate to see her be a one-trick pony.
What I don’t understand is why Phi Phi was not in the top 3. She was totally channeling some mad-max in that outfit. I like the Princess, but her outfit was bland and boring she shouldn’t have been in the top 3.
I really wanted Jiggly to go home up until the actual lip-sync. Then she turned it out. I don’t think she’s going to last long though.
Lets face it Willum will be there til nearly the end. If for no other reason than because she’s the biggest shit-stirrer in the group.
I’d like to see them pull a South-Park “OMG THEY KILLED SHANGELA!” Thing. Every episode she tries to get back in the competition, and they kill her off in entertaining ways.
I thought Phi Phi and the one who went home, uhh whats her name, were pretty hot out of drag. And The Princess didn’t look bad either. Phi Phi came off as INCREDIBLY insecure. She needed to just STFU and let Wiliam be his self-absorbed self.
But seriously, there are some hot messes on the show this season, on top of the fucked up grills. And Wiliam, you need to work on that 5 o’clock shadow grrr.
I was disappointed in the “Lip Synch for Your Life” song selection. Being that Elvira was the guest judge, they should have had to lip synch to her song “Here I Am” from her film “Elvira, Mistress of the Dark” or one of her many other songs.
I was disappointed in the “Lip Synch for Your Life” song selection. Being that (my idol) Elvira was the guest judge, they should have had to lip synch to her song “Here I Am” from her film “Elvira, Mistress of the Dark” or one of her many other songs.
@jakeo: I’d explain to you how an LGBT channel can be a lot of things besides a queer ambassador to the straight world. Instead, I’ll just tell you that you’re a bigger cliché than a drag queen could EVER be.
@DenverBarbie: i’ll do better. when i get shy (which i am) i try to use humor…and sometimes when i try to use humor, others don’t find it funny.
i hope i’ll do something this season to make you smile because i was there truly only to entertain and have fun
The 1st episode 2 S4 was very clever and inventive. I have 2 say, though, S2 and S3 had more heathers. I will continue 2 watch RPDR cuz i lurv the show. Ru-ru rox!
Willam interviewed it was just another gig. Just like DJ. Same problem covering his beard, too. After the LSFYL his paint had melted off. Mercenary amateur. Insulting RuPaul’s lifetime as a showgirl was brilliant, too.
@Drake: They actually did do the “They killed Shangela” thing. After the contestants grabbed their materials from the drag queen zombies, they zombies then hoarded above Shangela, who cried out “Hallelu! Hallelu!” as they subsequently ‘devoured’ her.
Also, Sharon Needles is amazing. She’s also sometimes pretty crazy but always original
@ScaryRussianHeather: The contestants on the show basically had to work 14-hour days and were given almost no time to get a proper face on. The show was also filmed in a non-air-conditioned studio in the summertime in LA, so everybody’s face was sweaty and melting by the end of a lot of episodes. That’s what you get when you work with a union, though. They did not treat those girls too well.
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