RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap: “It’s Glamazons Vs. Champions And The Loser Is No One”

Piyah calls her fans “butterflies,” which sets up the premise for an arts-and-crafts face-off where the girls divide into pairs to make butterfly-themed hats. It’s another mad dash for crafting supplies! Sooner or later someone is going to lose a chunk of ear over some tulle scraps. But it’ll be worth it.

Phi Phi, Kenya and Jiggly are deemed the winning group—mainly because they made the biggest, pinkest and most non-falling-apart chapeau. Piyah tries on the fabulous little thing before being carried away by the pit crew.

After the mini-challenge, Ru tells us that Phi Phi O’Hara and Kenya Michaels won the coin toss (though we never see any coins or tossing!) and are captains of Team Champion and Team Glamazon, respectively.

For the main challenge, the girls are tasked with making infomercials that sell two of RuPaul’s albums. Hmmm. I wasn’t feeling this premise. (It’s a bit heavy-handed with the self-promotion, no?) But I guess the fall from “World’s Trashiest Fighters” is a steep one.

At team selection, Madam LaQueer is picked last—again. Sure, she won the last main challenge, but who’s counting? Not her fellow contestants, apparently—when she walks over to join Kenya’s team, Kenya rejects her high-five. Dang, this is how angry Puerto Rican drag-queen fights get started. Time to brush up on my Spanish swear words.

During preparations, Milan takes the leadership role of Team Glamazon because she doesn’t think that Kenya’s English skills are up to the job. (Or maybe she was just jealous that her butterfly hat wasn’t chosen.) Phi Phi O’Hara didn’t exactly exude leadership either—just stress.

Eventually the two teams get in front of the camera, and The Princess did a great job! If that job was to forget every line and then make excuses. Sigh. I had such high hopes for this queen, but she’s falling oh-so-fast. Sad face.

Milan makes the unfortunately timed error of calling on Whitney Houston, saying that RuPaul’s music taught her that “the greatest love of all is inside of me.” . I think this calls for a moment of silence.

Okay. We good now?  Alright then.

The rest of the girls do their best to sell the CDs, but it just feels messy. Not that infomercials are a particularly high bar, but still.

Sharron Needles struggles to find her funny. Dida Ritz makes an obvious warm apple pie/sex joke. And then PhiPhi O’Hara molests a piñata.

Well, at least the main stage will be guaranteed fabulosity: RuPaul has the girls take a “spin down the runway in platinum and gold” and the guest judges are nine-time Grammy winner Natalie Cole and Glee star Amber Riley.

Highlights from the main stage:

* Milan is introduced with a joke we’ve heard before: “London. Paris. Milan!”

* Sharron Needles is “serving Elvis and Elvira. She’s Elvirus! And it’s contagious.” Thanks, Ru. Only you could make germs sound sexy.

* The Princess struts out in a platinum hoodie that’s strikingly similar to what RuPaul is wearing. Yes, imitation may be a sincere form of flattery, but that doesn’t apply on the main stage.

* To describe her slinky outfit, Willam quips quite the quote: “My theme was Clash of the Titans—if Clash of the Titans was set in a strip club.”

* “There’s gold in them thar hills!” is the perfectly hilarious quote about Latrice’s ensemble.

RuPaul then plays the two groups’ infomercials. She was rather pleased with the performances, giving them a resounding “Dragnificent!” But, alas, they must still be judged. And even though everything made this seem like a team challenge, the queens are judged individually.

The top three:
Chad Michaels
Kenya Michaels
Sharon Needles

The bottom three:
The Princess
Madame LaQueer
Dida Ritz