Coming into the fourth-season finale of Drag Race, I’m already conflicted: After dragging out the coronation for another episode, the producers decided they’d rather manufacture three endings than risk the winner’s identity leaking. They filmed all three girls winning the contest and only aired the true victor. So after sitting through forty minutes of hype and nine minutes of Absolut Vodka commercials, we had to watch a queen pretend like she just won the title of America’s Next Drag Superstar?! And for the losing girls? I’m sure a producer somewhere had to tell them “Look more disappointed—you just lost! Can you cry?”
Not without their mascara running!
As the true finale/reunion show starts all of our girls from this season return to the stage. Our top three are dressed in gold (Sharon is wearing a beer mug costume for some reason—a Party City purchase?), and everyone else is rocking a darker palette. After each queen takes her walk, the disembodied voice of Michelle Visage booms from above, “the star of our show; the original Supermodel of the World; the one, the only RuPaul!”
It’s nice to see that Ru hasn’t let this ridiculous staging and production value go to her head.
Ru proceeds to speak with the first four girls who are eliminated. She asks them about their regrets and—gasp!—everyone basically had the same answer: America didn’t get the chance to see their potential.
But wait, we do get somewhat of a chance when Ru informs that these girls will have the chance to do some reading. They missed the mini-challenge, so this is basically their makeup opportunity. It’s exciting. Madame LaQueer gets out glasses and starts with Jiggly, “Where’s your teeth? I know! Hanging out with your good taste.”
Not bad, Madame. But then all Jiggly had to do was mime like a Pointer Sister and it pretty much clenches checkmate.