RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap: Shade Comes From Reading… Magazines!

During the prep for the main stage, Jiggly gets defensive about not going for comedy for his Battle of the Bulge cover. Why? There’s more to him than just being goofy! He scored 1240 on his SATs! He’s smart!

He’s so smart he forgot the SAT changed their grading scale—1240 is now what you get for correctly filling in your name.

Phi Phi continues to bash Texas for being a place where gays can’t “hold hands, kiss, or look at each other without being called a faggot.” Is that the same Texas where the capital city just named March 8 “Leslie Cochran Day” in honor of its beloved, cross-dressing homeless citizen?

The topic switches to gay marriage, and Latrice takes the controversial stance that it shouldn’t be called marriage—it should be called something more fabulous. Please. I usually agree with her wisdom, but I don’t think “Fabulously Forever” or “Domestic Divas” is going to help us reach equality.

For the main stage, the girls present “glossy glamour looks” with Southland’s Regina King and country legend Pam Tillis as the guest judges.

Here’s the rundown:

* Sharon Needles gives us a taste of elegance that’s “black and white and fierce all over.”

* Dida Ritz wears another glittery outfit with hair that’s still not big enough. And then she awkwardly zigzags during her runway; “a strategic walk so a sniper can’t hit her.” Thank you Ru… 10 out of 10 for that one.

* Chad Michaels serves us danger—short hair and darker makeup!

* According to Santino, Latrice’s outfit looks like “a couch from Rent-a-Center.” That’s not fair. She gave us at least Crate and Barrel Outlet.

* Willam serves up sparkly, pink, and… five o’clock shadow. Please, stop the presses and get home girl some proper paint.

* Jiggly wears another prom dress (did she just buy the same thing in twelve colors?).

* Phi Phi gives us fierce… proportions? Thanks Santino, you’re full of insightful commentary tonight.