Rupert Everett Revealed

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There’s no doubt that we love Rupert Everett. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that we’re thrilled to itty-bits about his new autobiography, Red Carpets and Other Banana Skins. We haven’t had a chance to read it, but we were enthralled by this article from The Telegraph in which we glean some interesting bits from the book.

For example, did you know Everett worked briefly as a rent boy (sorry we missed it), had an affair with the late Paula Yates, and has no sperm? Yep, no sperm. Why? Because he takes medicine to stop his hair from falling out. He says, “If I stop taking the pills, all my hair will fall out, but I would rather have hair than sperm.” A bit distressing, but we still want him like mad.

Even more distressing is his lamentation over his love life:

Unfortunately, I am single, yes, but I’m too exhausted for anything else and being gay is a young man’s game.

Now no one wants me. Being gay and being a woman has one big thing in common, which is that we both become invisible after the age of 42. Who wants a gay 50- year-old? No one, let me tell you. I could set myself on fire in a gay bar, and people would just light their cigarettes from me. I don’t want to be carried out of a club wearing a tie-dye T-shirt and a cap on the wrong way around when I am 70, but I would like to settle down a bit. Maybe with a partner. In some ways I do feel more settled, but now I want to take part in things.

Um…Mr. Everett, if you’re reading this, drop us a line. We’ll treat you right.