PRIVATE'S PRIVATES

Russian Military Checking Soldiers’ Genitals For “Gay” Tattoos

russian-militaryNew recruits to the Russian military will have to drop trou and take a bow as part of the country’s increasingly stiff opposition to all things even remotely gay, such as a harmless dick tat.

Based on a 2005 textbook published by a military university which posits that tattoos, much like Madonna, are a direct link to homosexuality, the Russian Defense Ministry’s new manual calls for the physical examination of conscripts and contractors and recommends the checking of tattoos in “intimate places.”

According to The St. Petersburg Times:

Special attention is recommended for tattoos near the face, sexual organs and buttocks, as the author believes that such tattoos reveal possible sexual deviations.

“The reason for getting tattoos could indicate a low cultural or educational level. If an influence by external factors is determined, for example, persuasion or direct coercion, this indicates the malleability of the young man, his disposition to submit to another’s will,” the text says.

The guidelines also include a wide range of warning signs indicative of mental instability, including early sexual experience and ‘uncontrolled sexual behavior,’ both of which are included in the same category as alcohol abuse, running away from home, suicidal tendencies and theft.

Mentors are encouraged to “buddy up” to new recruits, asking them questions about their family, everyday life and how they did in school before reaming them about their sexual history and probing around their privates for any penile ink.

Yeah, you’re really de-gaying the military there, aren’t you Russia? Add a couple of cheap vodka sodas and some Lady Gaga blasting in the background and you’ve got a decent first date going.

Nevertheless, a military psychologist maintains that the Russian military is a “stronghold of traditional views on sexuality”, even though, as Gay Star News points out, “a UN report from 2007 stated homosexuality and male prostitution is common within the army.”

A batallion chief speaking with the SPT notes, “I had one gay contract soldier who joined just to find more partners for himself. For people like that, of course, there’s no place in the army.”

No, it sounds like there are a couple places for him in the army.