BALL-OLOGY

Santorum On Bowling The Heterosexual Way: “Friends Don’t Let Friends Use Pink Balls”

This ball will make you GAY. And maybe Asian, too.

Santorum is the gift that keeps on giving of Republican presidential candidates.

First, he gave Dan Savage the honor of Google-bombing him.

Then, he gave us countless opportunities to make fun of his poopy nickname, including a poster that looked like it was written in Santorum.

And now, he gives us Pink-Bowling-Ball-gate.

While bowling at some dumb photo op in La Crosse, Wisconsin, Santorum told a young man next to him: “You’re not gonna use the pink ball. We’re not gonna let you do that. Not on camera.”

Santorum added, “Friends don’t let friends use pink balls.”

Probably because pink balls turn you GAY, obviously. Let’s take a look through the types of pink balls that you and your heterosexual friends must avoid in order to not catch the gay.

Click through for some homosexuality-inducing pink balls.

Slightly Gay Ball Pit

Santorum allows any of the balls—EXCEPT FOR THE FIVE PINK ONES. Can you find them all? Now, don’t touch them kids, or you’ll catch the gaypox.

Gayness Is Communicable Through Static Electricity, Too

Looks like a $14.99 toy from Spencer’s that you’d get your shroom-y friend Bob. Actually could turn him bi-curious.

There Is No Hope For This Baby

That ball has turned her 100% lesbian. Might as well put a Subaru Outback in trust for her already.

Don't forget to share:

Help make sure LGBTQ+ stories are being told...

We can't rely on mainstream media to tell our stories. That's why we don't lock Queerty articles behind a paywall. Will you support our mission with a contribution today?

Cancel anytime · Proudly LGBTQ+ owned and operated