Hi Jake,
I spent Thanksgiving break with my friend’s family in Florida. During the trip, we spent a lot of time by the pool at the country club his family belongs to. The trip was super nice and way better than if I had stayed back at my dorm that week. But a weird thing happened…
After swimming one day, we went into the locker room to shower and get dressed before dinner with his family. It was here that I happened to glance over at the wrong (or maybe right?) moment and see my friend’s dad stepping out of the shower completely naked.
Now, I never would have probably thought twice about his dad. Not only is he my friend’s DAD, but he’s also straight (I assume) and probably 30 years older than me. But seeing him naked, largely endowed, and in a locker room setting, I suddenly can’t get him out of my head.
How about we take this to the next level?
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The glistening wet skin, athletic body, broad chest, and salt and pepper hair have sent my locker room fantasies into overdrive. I now see him in a completely different light, and even find myself nervous around him. I feel a tremendous sense of guilt that I’m turned on by my friend’s dad because it just feels awkward and wrong.
I’m supposed to go on a ski trip with his family after the new year. I really want to join them but I don’t know if I should tell my friend about my attraction or try to completely repress these feelings. What should I do?
Zaddy Lover
Zaddy Lover,
Lusting after a friend’s parent is a tale as old as time (remember the iconic Jennifer Coolidge as Stiffler’s mom?). Don’t beat yourself up for it. It’s normal that if you’ve only known someone in a certain way, and then suddenly see them in a brand-new setting or situation, it would prompt you to see that person completely differently.
In this example, you happened to see him naked in a setting that can be sexually arousing for a lot of gay man. It’s bound to trigger those chemical reactions in the amygdala, the area of the brain responsible for sexual attraction. Dr. Wlassoff writes in his article “Sex – Is It All In the Brain?” in 2015, “During sexual arousal, our bodies show the same signs as they would in a life-threatening emergency: muscle tension, increased heart rate, blood pressure, and respiration, perspiring, pupillary dilation, and tunnel vision.” This is a physical and chemical thing, and not something you can control, so cut yourself some slack.
As far as telling your friend, having sexual feelings, and acting on those sexual feelings, are two different things. So, unless there’s more to this story, and you caught your friend’s dad looking back at you, and you want to pursue it, I don’t see the need in telling your friend. There’s no boundary crossing in a fantasy, and no crime in attraction. If, however, you think it could be a funny story between the two of you, and it wouldn’t cause any problems in your friendship, then I say go for it. But should you tell him? Nah.
Now, as far as “repressing” your feelings, it seems to me like you might feel some sense of guilt or shame about your attraction. I encourage you to try to release that by reminding yourself sexual attraction is a natural process and you aren’t actually acting on anything here.
Did you choose to find your friend’s dad attractive or see him getting out of the shower right when he did? No. Just as you didn’t choose to be gay and have the feelings you have.
Repression is a Freudian term defined as, “the unconscious blocking of unpleasant emotions, impulses, memories, and thoughts from your conscious mind.” Some people argue that repression plays a role in distorting an individual’s reality, which can lead to neurosis and dysfunction.
To put it more simply, I believe it’s important for all of our feelings to be felt, expressed, and processed, so I encourage you to talk to a therapist about your attraction so you can work through the feelings, and release shame. If you aren’t ready for therapy, think about being part of an online community that supports and shares these feelings. At the very least, joke with a friend about it. You certainly aren’t the first daddy lover out there, even if that daddy happens to call your friend his son.
Jake Myers the Founder of LGBTQ Therapy Space , the first LGBTQ owned and operated national platform for teletherapy. He has a Masters in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles, with a specialization in LGBT Affirmative Psychotherapy, and is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in both California and Florida.
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Cam
Sounds like the first draft of the movie script to “Mulligans”.
LegionKeign
Exactly! I doubt most of these stories/fantasies.
Bengali
@legionkeign While the debate continues as to whether it’s a true story or fabricated, I think it was presented to us as way of saying, “It’s okay if you lust after someone, even if that attraction may seem inappropriate.” I think it’s writer’s attempt to put to rest any guilt some may have (me? NEVER. HAHAHAHAHAHA – two of my friends have really cute straight but flirtatious brothers and thoughts of them work much better than the hottest porn)
Of course this coming from me who was good friends with the father of one of my friends many years ago and he took to calling me when his kids weren’t home to go to the beach or some other activity (non-sexual with him). I guess I liked the attention but never played with him.
Jaquelope
If those brothers are that flirtatious, it could be that they are not as completely straight as you might think. They could be Bi-curious, or even Gay, but still young and haven’t come to terms with their sexuality yet.
Two of my cousins who were brothers (the oldest one is no longer with us) were “Straight presenting”, both marrying women and producing children, were not above messing around with other guys if the opportunity presented itself.
TheRedLine
Yeah, he should let it go completely and get it out of his head, for sure. It’s an infatuation. He’ll have a hundred more in his lifetime.
SDR94103
hysterical.
Cam
Don’t you mean “Hi-LAR-ious” Miss Terri?
rbarker1159
The next door neighbor kid was like 11 One day I was at the racquetball club and opened the sauna and saw his father in there very well endowed hanging down I was a teenager at the time (16) I couldn’t help but thinking will the son have turned out as big as the father I had never seen a penis that long it was hanging straight down I’ll never know
ShiningSex
Yes, tell your friend so he can dump you as a friend. Your assumption that he is straight is probably spot on, so what chance in hell would you have???? Sounds like someone who has horrible etiquette in friendship. Your friend needs a better FRIEND.
TMBisAOK
LMAO! Someone has issues, but it isnt this guy for just asking a question. Seek help! Smh
man5996853
Oh, give me an effing break. The kid was concerned enough to ask, confused about his feelings and didn’t suggest anything inappropriate. You are one jaded B.
Invader7
Really? Wow. Dump a person cause they have see na friends father nude. I bet NO one confides in you . You’re a putz. You doofus…
Terrycloth
Break up with her beforehand and then have your orgy or don’t tell her and invite her to it she will break up with you instead. Win win
Jaquelope
You do realize you are commenting on another, totally different subject from a few days ago, don’t you?
maddog
There are questions to be answered:
His friend is male, and does his friend know that the writer is gay?
Is his friend gay?
If either are true a comment that ranges from “I think your dad is hot” to a complete rendition of the story would probably be ok between friends.
In any case the advice is sound. A natural reaction, don’t worry about it.
Be gentle on yourself.
AZ71
Of course he has to add that the dad is “largely endowed” because ya know…that is the epitome of attraction these days and the only way an older man (or any man) can be seen as worthwhile.
Jaquelope
I’m not sure, but I feel what you wrote are some of the truest words ever posted (and the sarcasm, for once, comes through loud and clear.
Sure, a “large endowment” might be nice to look at, every once in awhile, but a smaller endowment might be even better for you if it comes to a personal relationship. Men are much more than just their peens, but too many of those with more endowment seem to act like their penis size, and “beauty” are all anyone needs to care about them.
TheRicksterPdx
Hi. I would go on the ski trip. And ask yourself then do I still have the same feelings? If so, and if it feels comfortable I would bring up the pool event. Listen to his response. Tell him you didn’t mean to get a glance of him and that you never realized how hot he was and thank him for your lovely fantasies you had.. Hopefully you say it in a way that he takes it as a compliment. And tell him, “Man I could sure get on my knees for you”. If he and your friend truly like and respect you only good things should come from this talk.
David Myers
Really? Worst advice ever! Telling your friend’s father (rather than the friend) is very likely to creep out your friend if he hears about it (likely . . . especially if the father is totally straight). Throwing in your suggested comment “Man I could sure get on my knees for you” makes me think you are trolling . . . it is so off the wall. Sounds like you would like to break up their friendship and any connections between this person, his friend, and his friend’s family. Disingenuous is what I call it . . . on your part.
BenBenXR
Oh jeez. This is so much the story of my life from about 11yo all through junior high and high school. Starting with seeing my little friend Sylvie’s dad in the men’s showers at the community pool. I think I caught myself catatonically staring in time before he spotted me – he said hi a few moments later. From that moment I was like, oh man, what is all this going to mean for me moving forward. Starting then, I noticed not just my friends in different ways, but their dads, their brothers, uncles, cousins, even one friend’s grandpa who was a handsome silver fox in great shape. I was totally boy/man crazy, and how I managed to suppress the locker room boners I’ll never know. I just know I would dress/undress very fast. No “lingering.”
Gadfeal
This happened in my youth before I was comfortable with myself. I was in a surgeon’s changing room, and the most “dishy” (“hot” in US parlance) surgeon in the hospital was exiting the shower, stark naked. I did everything possible to avert my gaze, probably giving the impression of being furtive. Fortunately (or unfortunately?), I wasn’t ready for any sexual relationship then, and even if I had been, it is most unwise to hook up with a “superior” with whom you would work even after any attraction fades.
There is collective wisdom in the adage, “Don’t sh… where you eat!”
Daddybear69
First I love the answer that was given, it was compassionate, and I agree spot on. I believe it was said perfectly, unless the occassion arises try to keep it a passion from afar. You don’t know what the future holds, but you don’t want to hurt the relationship that you currently have with your friend and his family either. Sending you warm wishes to bravely step forward with courage, and strength in these choices.
rangerwilcox
“…naked…endowed… locker room…glistening wet skin, athletic body, broad chest, and salt and pepper hair…”
damn… stuff my dreams are made of…
SPEEDOSWIMMER
Thirsty AND so wet…
KellyRobinsonJr
Been there, Done that, Beat it off. I do it again…
RTG
In the very early 80’s I had a mall hook up with a man in his 40’s (I was in high school). It was good but not quite as hot as the story above seems. During a school function about 2 months later, a friend of mine introduced me to his dad………you guessed it. I was so nervous I almost threw up. I intentionally became more and more distant with that friend. Fantasies are often best left as fantasies. Jack off over it a few times and let it go.
trojanboy
Try it on with him. What have you got to lose?
Openminded
The simple question is, Is a fling with the friend’s father worth losing the friend, because a fling is all you could get out of the dad. It’s not like dad is going to leave his family for someone his kid’s age. It would help to know if the poster’s friend is gay, as I feel like that would make it more o.k. to make a statement about seeing the dad naked in the shower and thinking he is hot.
I’d probably hedge my bets by going on the trip, try to not initiate anything, and see if the Dad exposes himself again. If he does, then you have to decide, based on your age, is the dad a Pedo, or what exactly is going on here. I would also suggest you realize if all it takes for “attraction” is a hot body and well endowed, you can probably find that with someone else not associated with your friend.
nirthboy69
O.K. Just sayin –
(And this is assuming your friend is gay as well)
If you’re into your friend’s dad as he looks at 30 years older than you –
Lock Down Your Friend NOW!
(Really. Just sayin.)
duke4172
If you want to break up a beautiful friendship leave his father alone!
bachy
oh my,
oh my,
oh my god…
ain’t nothin’
better than a
wet dad bod…
Diplomat
It’s funny how lots of guys have their first fling with an older guy. I fall in that category. My first love was 10 years older than me, me being 21. Eventually the age gap closed but my first fell into the older man category. Not exactly sure why. For me it was a very natural allure.
dbmcvey
I had most of my flings with older guys. I married an older guy and we’re really happy.
dbmcvey
Join the club Zaddy Lover.