Scarlett J Attacked, Maimed By Harvard Drag Queens

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Okay, so Scarlett Johansson wasn’t attacked by drag queens, but she was celebrated as Harvard’s Hasty Pudding Woman of the Year. The Puddingers stand as the nation’s oldest undergraduate theater troupe, so rest assured none of them will be enrolling in Michael Lucas films anytime soon. Unless, of course, they’re like Teddy Prince.

Of the honor, Ms. Johansson had this to say:

Thank you so much for this fabulous golden pot. It’s been such a wonderful day. This is the closest I’ll ever get to a Harvard degree… I can’t wait till later tonight when we party.

We’re sure you’re not missing that much – on both accounts.