METAPHOR CRAZY

SD Legislator Says Gay Sex Is “A One Way Alley For The Garbage Truck”

Steve HickeyJust when you begin to wonder if the Republican party has gotten a grip and decided to put its more rabid homophobia behind it, up from the primordial ooze rises someone like Steve Hickey, a state house representative from South Dakota. Apparently upset that a local newspaper found his letter-to-the-editor about anal sex too much for its readers, Hickey posted the rant on his Facebook page, proving once again that social media should have strict permit requirements.

“Consider this an open letter to the medical and psychological communities in South Dakota,” Hickey begins. “The subject is homosexuality, which is about to be a front-page topic for the next few years in our state.’ (Hickey refers to a lawsuit challenging the state ban on marriage equality.)

“Certainly there are board-certified doctors in our state who will attest to what seems self-evident to so many: gay sex is not good for the body or mind,” Hickey continues before launching into one of the most bizarre metaphors of all time. “Pardon a crude comparison but regarding men with men, we are talking about a one-way alley meant only for the garbage truck to go down.”

Hickey goes on for six more paragraphs from there, giving us a tour of the dank recesses of his mind. “Somehow the message we are presently getting from the medical community is that eating at McDonalds will kill us but the gay lifestyle has no side effects,” he says at one point. “Truth be told it seems self-evident the list of side effects would read far longer than anything we hear on a Cialis commercial.” 

Hickey says he has been flooded with angry phone calls. “People are asking my secretaries to talk to them about anal sex,” he told Talking Points Memo. “I’m getting hundreds of replies from all the way around the world, talking about how they want to rape me.”

Or at least that’s Hickey’s interpretation of the calls. Maybe the callers were just asking him to step out into the alley to teach him a lesson. 

Photo credit: Steve Hickey’s Facebook page