A man who successfully managed to convince a “straight” guy to leave his wife and run off with him instead has found himself in a bind. So he’s seeking advice from the “Guyliner” at the Gay Times UK.
“Me and my boyfriend got together in a strange way,” the letter begins. “We were both with other people–he was in a straight relationship–and had an affair for two years.”
Eventually, the mounting guilt got the best of them and the guys decided to come clean to their partners.
“It was very painful for everyone,” he recalls. “Some members of my boyfriend’s family still refuse to speak to him. Luckily mine are staying out of it.”
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
He continues: “As soon as we broke up with our partners, we moved in together and once the initial buzz wore off, it quickly became a disappointment.”
They don’t argue, the man says, but the relationship “feels flat.”
“We don’t laugh as much as we used to do,” he explains, “and sex isn’t happening that often either.”
Now, insecurity seems to be getting the best of him.
“After all the upheaval we caused, I desperately want it to work,” he says, “but I can’t get out of my head that if it doesn’t, either he’ll find someone else or we’ll break up and all that upset will have been for nothing.”
“I’m worried the relationship we went through hell for wasn’t worth it after all,” he confesses.
The “Guyliner” responds: “There’s a reason most guys never leave their wives, y’know. An affair is, at first at least, exciting and passionate. Because your time together is so rare, so precious, you make the most of it.”
This, the Guyliner continues, can be through tons of wild and “energetic sex” or “doing hopelessly romantic things you’d never do with your dreary old man at home.”
But that can’t last forever.
“When a relationship that was illicit becomes legit, it can’t help but lose some of the spark it once had,” the Guyliner says. “All relationships do, eventually, tbh – it’s just that yours had farther to fall.”
So what can be done about the situation?
The Guyliner says, “Recognize that real relationships aren’t non-stop shagfests or a laugh a minute. …
Communicate more, have the fun you could never have out in the open before, celebrate the mundane activities available to you now that, as secret lovers, you never did before. The buzz has worn off, yes, but that doesn’t mean there still aren’t thrills to be had.”
And if, in the end, the relationship just doesn’t work, the Guyliner adds, don’t worry about it.
“The key thing is you escaped from the miserable relationships you were in before. … You took a chance, and that was the hardest part–don’t feel you have to live with it for ever.”
What do you think of the Guyliner’s advice? And what would you do if you found yourself in this precarious situation? Sound off in the comments section below…
h/t: Gay Times UK
DCguy
Could we go a week or so without the word “Straight” being used in headlines and stories? Is this an lgbt site or not??
Brian
@DCguy: Straight and gay are related words. They are both a form of identity politics. There are huge similarities between straight-identifying guys and gay-identifying guys. For instance, they both have high and constant sex drives.
jdboston617
@Brian: LOL. I think you missed DC’s point.
DCguy
@Brian:
Brian, Reading and Comprehension are related words. If you look into it I promise you, you will not miss the point of other people’s posts nearly as often.
1898
He’s a home wrecker, the other guy’s a cheater, and karma’s a b.
Paco
The thrill is gone because the man isn’t “straight”. I’m sure he’ll have no trouble finding another home to wreck.
Aromaeus
Karma truly is a b.
gayhope1990
@Brian:Straight and gay are the same thing!How do you dare!No wonder you can’t see gay and homosexual means the same thing.Either you’re confused or you’re raving./This “straight”guy is a fraud.A real straight guy won’t dump his girlfriend/fiancée/wife for a guy.Get real.
Leonard
They deserve each other cheaters
DarkZephyr
@1898: they’re both home wreckers. They were both in relationships.
BigG
It never works because the relationship was started on lies and deceit. The married man is a coward because he doesn’t truly accept himself or respect his wife. The gay man doesn’t have self respect and is settling for less. Both are damaged. They both need therapy if they are going to stand a chance. They were both looking for someone to fix their pain, rather than fix themselves. That’s basically what an affair is.
Hussain-TheCanadian
Couple counselling is in order?
As Freud said: “Those who perfect suppression (of feelings) will only be faced with a fierce reemergence of that suppression”
glennmcbride
If someone carried on an affair with you behind their partner’s back for 2 years, how can you possibly trust them to not do the same thing with you? Or for that matter, how can they trust you?
MediaGuy
Wait, am I actually witnessing gay guys discussing fidelity? The word gay and fidelity never belong in the same sentence. I’ve never seen it done before.
captainburrito
The solution is to not see each other all the time. Reduce the hours u are together.
Paco
It would be some kind of wonderful karma if his “straight” boyfriend got caught having an affair with a woman. If his boyfriend is “straight”, does he consider himself to be in a heterosexual relationship? Or did his brain just twist the definition of “straight” for erectile reasons?
Solinv311
Don’t be lying to your partner by cheating on him/her in the first place.
DCguy
@MediaGuy:
OR maybe you just don’t pick the right people to date. Don’t paint an entire group of people with your baggage brush.
MediaGuy
@DCguy: Hey douche. I’ve been on this site for about two months and every single comment I make you come back with some bitchy remark. Lighten up old man. (oops, was that a bitchy remark I just made?).
I admit, it might be me. When I have a BF (which does occasionally happen) and I see something else I like, I might just have a teeny weeny tendency to choke-down some of that sugar in the nearest bathroom stall. Tawdry, right? Okay I admit it, I’m versatile when it comes to fidelity. ahahhaa.
ErikO
Why does this site obsess about straight/hetero men way too much? No actual hetero/straight guy is going to leave his wife for another man or have sex with another man at all.
ChuckF
Buyers remorse is common but it isn’t the final word. These two men should both acknowledge they had strong feelings for each other and decide together if they want to try to work something out or separate. For some of us it takes a few false start before we find the right man. It’s human nature.
Chris
so let’s try to be non-judgmental adults about this. they each had “affairs” which means their first relationships weren’t working for either of them. now this relationship is not working either. maybe it is time to make a clean break, to take some “me” time, and to move on from there. Maybe they’ll get back together again; maybe not. But the worst thing is to stay in a relationship that is not working and into which neither partner is putting effort.
Ashke113
That’s the most asinine advice anyone could ever give. The reason the relation ship isn’t working is because the gay guy was looking for that daily constant rush of the hunt because he caught his prey. And he is only paranoid that his prey will get another wandering eye and rightly so because once a cheater always a cheater………grow up and stop whining