SHADE IN SESSION

Sen. Dennis Guth Goes on Anti-Gay Tirade, Gay Sen. Matt McCoy Shuts It Down

guth-mccoyRepublican Iowa State Senator Dennis Guth had an anti-gay field day (no doubt sponsored by the Boy Scouts of America) during the Senate’s opening session on Wednesday.

“The media, for the most part, has bamboozled us into thinking that having a relationship outside of the boundaries of monogamous, heterosexual marriage is positive, happy and fulfilling,” Guth said. “Movies, television shows, articles and magazines abound with this theme, giving partial information to vulnerable audience: our children.”

Despite the fact that no one’s used “bamboozled” in a serious context since the 1930s, Guth does have a point. A recent study found that television does play a part in American’s acceptance of the godless, child-corrupting homosexuals and our quest to ruin traditional marriage, one state at a time. And as GLAAD reported, there are a record number of sodomite succubi on the tube nowadays, scandalizing the nation in primetime, which as we all know, is family time.

Guth, sensing he was onto something — or at the very least, on something — continued educating the masses gathered to run the state (into the ground) on the potential health hazards of homosexuality.

“Just as there are multiple ways that your smoking hurts me, such as second-hand smoke, so it is with same-sex relationships,” Guth muttered incoherently. “There are health risks that my family incurs because of the increase of sexually transmitted infections that this lifestyle invites. For example, there are more and more medical tests required before giving blood or giving birth.”

As if that wasn’t confusingly insulting enough, Guth also recommended that young gays change their lifestyle with another needless analogy about “going the wrong way on a one-way street.”

“I would make every effort to stop and redirect them,” he said. “It saves lives to have honest communication not only about the sexually transmitted diseases that shorten lifespans, but also about the deep loneliness that accompanies a life based on youth, beauty and sex.”

That’s called life in 2013, but okay. Once it was his turn to speak, Sen. Matt McCoy, who is openly gay and a Democrat, put the car in gear and drove that sucker all the way to the library where he proceeded to read Guth to filth.

”I was frankly just a little bit taken aback by some of the things that I heard today as I know some of my colleagues were as well. Much of what you heard today on the floor of the senate is warmed over rhetoric that has been invented by the Christian right, extreme groups,” McCoy said before refuting the specifics of many of Guth’s claims.

“While somebody can not choose to be gay, you certainly can choose not to be ignorant,” he concluded. “What I heard today was ignorant and I know where it came from. I am not gay by choice, but I choose not to be ignorant.”

The Senate then erupted into a cacophony of snaps and “weeeerq!” being yelled by McCoy’s colleagues — at least it would have if the Senate was the ballroom from Paris Is Burning. Because that was some grade-A reading.

Too bad Sen. Guth is illiterate — in an interview following his one-man triumph, Gay-Baiting for Godot, Guth said he had no intention of retracting his statements. Meanwhile, Iowa and the Internet are wrapped up in being McCoy.