Shawn Mendes gave a thoughtful response recently after a young fan asked him to help her come out to her parents at a pre-concert Q&A in Oakland, California. But ultimately, the “Mercy” singer turned down the request, and his refusal, however well-intentioned, has rubbed some people the wrong way.
Related: Shawn Mendes addresses gay rumors head-on
Video from the Q&A shows the young girl telling Mendes that she’s bisexual. “I, like, haven’t told anybody,” she added. “My parents are kind of, like, very strict, and I don’t know to tell them, so I was wondering if you could do a little video…”
But Mendes cut her off. “This is what I want to tell you,” he began. “Your parents are your parents. They’re going to love you no matter what you say, no matter how you say it, no matter how you look when you say it, at any time of the day. Nothing I say is going to mean anything that is even close to what you saying it means to them, OK?”
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He went on: “You’re their world. I cannot possibly come close to the amount of joy and happiness that they’re going to feel when they find out that you’re telling them your truth and your honesty.”
“Don’t ask me to do that,” he told the young woman. “And I would if I thought that it was a better thing to do, but I know in my heart it’s not. I know your parents are going to just love you even more for being honest with them.”
It’s not his job to do that… WTF
— Craving || Fan Account (@__Craving__) July 19, 2019
After the video of the exchange hit the web, some Twitter users had Mendes’ back. “It’s not his job to do that,” one wrote. Another tweeted: “If he doesn’t feel comfortable, then he doesn’t have to oblige, whether or not the fan looks up to him or not.”
“How is him recording a video to tell them would make her situation better?” a third user asked. “Like, if they are strict or conservative, they were gonna accept her because Shawn Mendes told them to?”
Related: Todrick Hall’s thirsty Shawn Mendes tweet didn’t go over so well
Others, meanwhile, criticized Mendes for not chipping in. “He’s a celebrity that people look up to and with that comes the responsibility to help the people that made you famous in the first place,” said one.
More troublesome, perhaps, is the 20-year-old’s certainty that the young woman’s parents would rejoice in her coming out.
"they're gonna love you no matter what" tell that to the thousands of homeless lgbtq kids
— ? (@litasadiamond) July 19, 2019
“Kinda uncomfortable that he assumes everyone’s parents are okay with their kids being gay tbh,” one Twitter user wrote. Added another: “Tell that to the thousands of homeless LGBTQ kids.”
Thoughts? Should Mendes have recorded a video of support for the fan? Or was he right in encouraging her to come out unassisted?
Cam
1. Yes assuming her parents would love her no matter what is wrong, we’ve seen the bigotry and hate from right wing religious parents.
2. Why should anybody expect him to do a video for an incredibly personal thing between them and their family? What’s next? People saying “Hey, Sean, my house is on the way from the airport to your hotel, do you mind dropping us off a pizza as long as you’re driving?
WashDrySpin
Fans do not own celebrities no matter how much money you spend/waste on them…they have your money, you have their music, movies or whatever and that is where the transaction ends.
ShiningSex
PEOPLE HAVE ASKED CELEBS BEFORE. THE DIFFERENCE IS…MOST DID HELP.
HIS MUSIC SUCKS ANYWAYS.
THE WAY THIS COUNTRY IS WITH OUR ORANGE MAGGOT PRESIDENT, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO SEE SOMEONE HELP ANOTHER IN A DIFFICULT SITUATION.
DarkZephyr
I have NO problem with his decision not to do the video, but the whole speech about how they will “rejoice” and “love her no matter what” is VERY problematic and makes me wince. He doesn’t know that. LGBTQ+ youth homelessness is a HUGE problem due to the fact that so many families *aren’t* accepting, as others have pointed out.
My mother was exactly like he described, but my Pentecostal pastor Dad, not so much. I was fortunate because my Dad didn’t kick me out, and he did say that he would love me no matter what, but ever since that day, years and years ago, my Dad’s love has *always* felt like there is a massive caveat attached to it, and he has made his Christian disapproval of how I am no secret. It has definitely impacted our relationship in a very negative way. And many LGBTQ+ youth have it hundreds of times worse than that.
Recently my dear sister has come out to my family and is now feeling that same burn. Its sad because she was definitely daddy’s little girl, as she will freely admit, and seeing what I have seen for so many years has definitely been a bit of a blow to her. He was always her hero.
jjose712
I can’t stand him, he is a fake full of self hate but he is totally right on this.
There are things that one should do by him/herself, and i can’t see how a celebrity involved in a coming out is going to help the situation at all
Catholicslutbox
Damn, all his fans are girls.
No wonder he doesn’t want to come out. Would break their little hearts.
tennman
He isn’t going to help anyone come out because he is yet to come out himself.
stephen_25
Oh please it isn’t any celebrities job to help someone come out to their parents.
They don’t give a rats ass about your life they just want you to buy their records and attend their concerts.
Wake up snowflake
JK 1984
As others have said, it isn’t his job to do a video for a fan if he doesn’t want to.
But the whole “your parents wool love you no matter what” shtick is some BS. Some/Most parents will love you and not care but some will throw you out of home, beat you up, send you for religious “correction” or worse.
1898
hugely inappropriate question to ask of anyone other than, say, your best friend or a trusted relative. and if he said yes, where would it end? every LGBTQ person in the world under the age of 18 would want him to help them come out and that would become his full time job. it’s simply not feasible. and then his millions of straight fans would feel left out and they’d want Shawn Mendes to help them ask someone to the prom or ask someone on a date and on and on and on. it would never end.
ShiningSex
IT’S BEEN DONE BEFORE AND MOST OF THEM HELPED. THIS IDIOT DIDN’T. HIS MUSIC SUCKS, MAYBE THAT IS THE WORST OFFENSE.
enlightenone
Quite melodramatic! No, he’s not the one for obvious reasons, one being he is clueless of the impact of many teens coming out to their family, “conservative” or not. More than half of homeless youth are gay or trans! Beyond that, from all the speculation and his behaviors, it can be interpreted that he has issues of his own regarding his sexuality and identity.
JaredMacBride
It was kind of him even to respond to such an asinine request. People have to learn to solve their own problems.
sfhairy
Why does he need to help her come out? Grow a pair and tell your family yourself. If they don’t accept you, they don’t accept you. Having Shawn Mendez or any other celebrity help you “come out” of the closet isn’t going to change their acceptance.
GentlemanCaller
This girl’s coming out is her job, not his. And six social media addicts getting troll-y on him from their parents’ basements doesn’t make a groundswell of people criticizing him. Get a grip, Queerty.
Brian
I don’t think there’s a parent on this earth who would want their kid to come out to them via a Shawn Mendes video. If this is the level of maturity that this girl has, it’s probably best for her to just keep her mouth shut about it for a few years until she grows up a bit more. Although it wouldn’t surprise me if she were mainly just trying to create a video to go viral.
ShiningSex
BRIAN, YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO HAVE DIVINE ON YOUR PROFILE PIC WITH YOUR IGNORANT COMMENTS YOU CONSTANTLY POST. WAIT A FEW YEARS? DID YOU KNOW YOU LIKE TO TAKE “IT” FROM A MAN AS A KID, TEEN, OR LATE BLOOMER?
MOST KNOW EARLY ON. WHAT DOES A FEW YEARS MAKE. ALL SHE WAS DOING WAS LOOKING FOR HELP BY SOMEONE WHO HAS HELPED OTHERS BEFORE.
HIS MUSIC SUCKS, BUT NOW SO DOES HE.
NO, IT’S NOT HIS JOB, BUT IT WOULDN’T HAVE HURT THE IDIOT TO DO SO.
Toofie
Ludicrous. Putting the poor guy on the spot like that. He handled it well. But getting a celebrity her parents don’t know to come out for her is a bit much.
Doug
What makes this fan think that her parents are going to change their feelings about her coming out to them just because Shawn Mendes gave them the news?
Diplomat-G
I am not sure why people have reacted negatively to his reply, the fact is that he answered honestly and thoughtfully to her request. The parents are unlikely to even know who this guy is so why drag him into it.
ShiningSex
I’M SURE THEY KNOW HIS AWFUL MUSIC.
dali
Just show this video to your parents. Job done!
michel_banen
Exactly !!!
PretenderNX01
Parents who don’t like gay kids aren’t going to suddenly love them because of Shawn Mendes. Unless she’s hoping her dad wants him.
nitejonboy
1. It’s not his job to help her come out.
2. It was incredibly irresponsible of him to tell her they would love her and accept her no matter what. Tell that to the thousands of homeless LGBTQ teens.
3. How’s he gonna help her come out when he can’t even come out himself ?
ShiningSex
MANY IDIOTS WOULD SAY IT’S NOT HIS JOB, BUT HE’S TAKEN REQUESTS FROM FANS BEFORE AND WHY NOT HELP SOMEONE GOING THROUGHT THIS?
WHAT HARM IS IT FOR THAT BORING SINGER?
I THINK THE WORST OFFENSE IS THAT PEOPLE LIKE HIS MUSIC.
dinard38
Shut up!!!