Continuing with his gay-rumor-restrospect, Shawn Mendes took a plunge into the topic with Dax Shepard on the Armchair Expert podcast, following up on recent comments he made to The Guardian.
“You were in a very tough position,” Shepard told Mendes. “There were all these rumors about you being gay early on. And I remember thinking, ‘oh, you’re in this impossible situation because if you wanna come out and go ‘I’m not gay’ it has some weird veil of homophobia’ which I’m certain you’re not homophobic.”
Related: Shawn Mendes talks gay rumors & doesn’t mince his words
“It was also so frustrating for me,” Mendes responded, “because there were some people in my life that I was very very close to, who were gay and in the closet. And I felt like this real anger for those people. It’s such a tricky thing. You’re right. You want to say, ‘I’m not gay but it’d be fine if I was gay. But also there’s nothing wrong with being gay … but I’m not.’ You don’t really know how to respond to the situation.”
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Shepard then commented “it’s a trap.”
“I’ve realized that we just have to stop having to be experts and politicians about it, especially as a famous musician who’s a guy,” Mendes said. “I need to be really fu*king messy and say the wrong things and apologize and say the right thing after I apologize and be confused about how to respond when people say I’m gay. Everyone’s been calling me gay since I was 15 years old. I’m not gay and I’m like, ‘What does that mean?’ I had these problems with the way my voice sounded. I’m like, ‘How do I sit?’ I’m always first to cross my legs and sit with a position of this feminine style and I really suffered with that sh*t. It kind of ended up becoming something I wanted to just be really open about and honest about.”
“I think a lot of guys go through that and even worse than that there are just so many guys who are gay and in the closet and must be hearing sh*t like that and just being like, ‘I’m terrified to come out.’”
Shepard offerer his take on how the rumors could start.
“There’s definitely two obvious reasons that gets rumored. Generally if there’s a beautiful dude who doesn’t have a girlfriend around him at all times. That’s one reason people go ‘something doesn’t smell right here.’ Or another reason would be the one you were nervous about — you were somehow not acting manly or masculine or straight. You had to start thinking about how you moved.”
And Mendes reflected on his upbringing.
“All my cousins were girls,” he said. “I didn’t grow up wrestling. I grew up getting my hair braided on New Year’s Eve. It just completely depends on the way you grew up in your life and your surroundings. Then came a point where it got to be like ‘hell yeah, I got that divine middle ground, that Freddie Mercury’ But then I’m also not there either. I’m totally not there. I’m still a little bit more manly than that. It’s all a little confusing so I’m just gonna let it be what it is.”
Regardless, the musician just achieved his fourth number one album one the Billboard 200 Chart with ‘Wonder’ this week.
ingyaom
Did he just say he’s “more manly” than Freddie Mercury?
BGreen1963
Well, now that Freddie is dead. Mendes is more manly.
Catholicslutbox
I don’t understand why they (he and his publicists) feel the need to keep bringing this (gay rumor) up.
Based on the interviews I’ve just watched, he does seem fem and has a “gay voice.”
I can see why he rewatches them to learn what not to do.
Donston
It is rather unfortunate that he felt the need to actively be “less fem” in an attempt to ward off rumors. No matter what’s going on with the dimensions in his sexuality, orientation, overall preferences- that is not something dudes should have to go through. Masculine pressures and “straight passing” privileges are almost as bad as homophobia, internalized homophobia and hetero superiority. However, even many out “queers” are fine with using “fem” qualities to attack or belittle each other. While there are indeed dudes who appear very “queer” but are “straight”, hetero and cis in every way. (However, yes, there tends to be some type of “queerness” going on).
rock9221
It’s not a trap. If a performer is gay but feels he needs to stay closeted then he says nothing. No denials, no ‘I’m not but if I were I’d come out . . ” – just stay silent. If you’re not gay it is fine to say, “I’m not gay but if I were I’d be out. . . ” when its true. Say it once and let it go. More than that it is beating a dead horse. That is when is sounds fake and conceding. Be honest, with yourself, your public. If you feel unsafe, stay silent.
ChristopherT
I do think the blame mostly falls on the interviewers, though. Every time there’s a headline about this issue, it’s because an interviewer brings it up.
Celtic
I believe the media and the tabloids put way too much pressure on celebriteis when it comes to their private lives and their sexual orientation. Having come out with my first partner 52 years ago (yes, FIFTY-TWO), I grew sick of this merry-go-round long ago. It’s as if being straight, gay or bi somehow qualifies one to “fit”. “Fit” into what? If Mendes is gay, so what. I’d dive into him any day. If he is straight, so what! If he is bi, so what! We are obsessed with this shit.
Donston
The media doesn’t put much on celebs to “come out” any longer. That has fallen out of fashion the past decade. Even tabloids don’t really focus on that stuff any longer. You still get an article here and there or a rare question in an interview. But for the most part, the commercial media doesn’t speculate about someone being “gay” or about same-sex behaviors, “affairs”, relationships. Its actually kinda weird because they still have no problem speculating about hetero relationships though. It has now become social media and internet forums, that’s where the pressure comes from nowadays.
frankcar1965
He’s trying way too hard. Just don’t say anything and stay in your closet, it’s your life, but you’re not fooling anybody.
Donston
Folks do need to stop assuming other people’s sexualities and orientations, and they need to stop demanding people “come out”. You don’t know what someone has experienced. You don’t know anyone’s struggles or mental state or bouts fluidity/contradiction or sociological pressures. You don’t know about anyone’s sexual attractions, desires, passions, behaviors, preferences. You don’t know where someone fits in the gender, romantic, sexual, affection, emotional, relationship contentment spectrum.
I do understand that there’s still a ton of pressure for some folks to stay closeted. I get how much weight is on famous pretty boys to maintain hetero appeal and huge female appeal. And I get how much some dudes are driven by things like internalized homophobia, self-miss dry, toxics masculinity, insecurities, etc. I also understand that people will always gossip. But you cannot be out here bullying people while believing that you’re in the right. It does nothing but further resentments and make us all look like jackasses. It’s not like Shawn is someone who has actively attempted to “queer bait”. Nor has he depended on dudes who are into dudes to further his career. Nor has he said/done homophobic or anti-gay things. So, let us all move the hell on.
The fact that it became such a widespread internet joke is partly his fault. His tacky responses to the rumors, excessive hetero PDA to “prove” how into chicks he is, suddenly trying to be more “manly”- it just made him look insecure and more suspect. The Freddie Mercury comparison is idiotic. (It’s also funny how it’s always “I’m not ‘gay” for dudes. It’s almost never “I’m not into guys or ‘queer’ at all”). This is a subject he needs to just drop. He has to start telling interviewers from here on out that he’s not gonna indulge those questions. Because some of what he’s saying is making him come off like a privileged jackass. And when people are talking about Shawn they’re mostly talking about these rumors and whatever he’s got going on with Camilla, not his music.
Cam
Except for the fact that most of the community’s assumptions were right. (Ricky Martin, Clay Aiken, Rosie O’donnell etc..)
Defending the closet isn’t being open minded, it’s defending the bigoted prison that the right wing forces people to be in.
Donston
Yes, it’s not that difficult to tell that some people probably have some type of “queerness” in them. But being right or wrong about someone isn’t really the point. You don’t know what someone has gone through, what their struggles and circumstances are. While fluidity, confusions and contradictions are real things a good amount of people experience. Gender, sexuality, the orientation spectrum, everyone’s personal motivations and journeys- it is all unique to that person. If this stuff isn’t obvious to you in 2020, it never will be.
I’m all about calling out phobias, prejudices, pressures, hypocrisies or problematic shit. And I get that folks will always gossip. I don’t like when folks “come out” and then try to rewrite their history and narrative. And I don’t like when out or closeted “queers” sell the idea that folks need to be closeted or sell homo inferiority, homo shaming, femme-phobia or “straight”/hetero-leaning worship. But none of those things have to do with Shawn. Instead, you got a bunch of 40 year old people on the internet obsessed with a 23 year old and constantly trying to tell that person what they are and trying to shame them into “coming out”. It is gross and it ultimately helps no way. If anything, those behaviors just breeds more homophobia, internalized phobias, resentments, insecurities, manipulation.
So, it ain’t about covering to closet. It’s about giving people the space to live their lives and go on their own journeys. It’s about not assuming you know everything about a stranger. And it’s about not being counterintuitive to the actual “cause”.
AxelDC
Mendes talks about being gay more than any gay guy I’ve ever met. You’re not gay, we get it. Stop talking about how you’re not.
phillycap
I am reminded of George Michael’s reply when being constantly asked. What does it matter? I’m never going to shag you anyway, so what does it matter if I’m gay or straight?
TEEMSTIR
He does talk about it a lot — once you start … it keeps going on and on
But — I am positive he is Gay and he is a Bottom
But —Time will tell that I am Correct !!!
I wait it out !
Phillip
Attention getter.
Just stop talking about it when someone asks in an interview. All you need to say is you’ve spoken about this ad nauseum and everyone SHOULD know my orientation by now.
NEXT SUBJECT.
That’s how you handle it.
amanwithanedge
I don’t give a crap about this guy or his sex life, at all.
robert_rupp
He can’t win.. He talks about it. It’s “ he talks about it more then any gay guy I know “…he doesn’t , “ what’s he hiding from ? I know most of us just want to say why does it matter ? And it doesn’t .. never was a big fan. But have become because have how he’s handled all his success. So young ..so level headed ..problem I have. Just can’t picture her and him together ?. She d eat him up…love both their music Just saying
ppp111
I’d recommend he stop talking about it. I mean if he’s straight then he doesn’t have to keep bringing up his sexuality. Getting tiring to tell you the truth.
trsxyz
Agree that he just needs to stop talking about this. It’s just a rabbit hole…
G R
It doesn’t matter until ANY celebrity pretends to be something their not in order to further their career. If you’re not ready to be out, fine, but don’t spend your public life bearding. It pisses people off and makes you look like the phony you’re trying so hard not to be. AND the public will do their best to take you down. Deservedly.
Prax07
Still giving attention to this straight guy? Just let him go away cuz I’m sick of hearing about him.
poohbear31
Can we PLEASE get to a stage where if your gay or what ever you don’t even have to come out as gay. Do hetros have to come out and go through the shit we have to. NO. So just lets get to a stage where we don’t have to do this whole coming out thing. Its our lives it is our lives its harming. We are born gay its not a decision to be gay. Just lets us live our lives and be happy. Is that so wrong to ask for.
JoeFXX
Shawn is totally smoking hot. In my fantasy land he is singing and swinging at me with me under me on top of me he’s all that.
blackhook
He’s too pretty to be straight!
Spidey137
I stopped following him on Insta. This whole constant denial thing is tedious. Celebs are the subjects of fantasy. Timmy Chalamet and Tom Holland also seem super gay, but you don’t hear either of them shouting from the rooftops that they’re straight. Next time they have one of those ridiculous Straight Lives Matter parades, let Mendes be the grand Marshall and move on. I know that’s harsh, but seriously…
Donston
I do think he would have been better off never commenting on the “rumors”. He made things so much worse once he started responding to random online comments with vaguely gay shaming responses, once he started indulging ridiculous PDA and started trying to be more “manly”. If he had just laughed it off initially instead of allowing it to trigger so much of his insecurities then it would have mostly died down.
I will say that as a young person in particular it must be annoying to have tons of folks constantly saying that you need to “come out” and that your relationships are “fake”. That is not something Timmy nor Tom had to deal with. Could he have handled it much more maturely? Absolutely.
I do think people need to realize that all this is not driven by “gay men”. At least fifty percent of people constantly talking about or making jokes about this subject have been girls. So, folks do need to not use this type of stuff as an excuse for their anti-gay perspectives or male homophobia or internalized homophobia.
CityguyUSA
Can someone explain what determines who you are allowed to reply to and why not everyone?
Cam
For someone that supposedly doesn’t want to be seen as gay, why does he mention gaynesss literally every time he opens his mouth.
boops123
The guy is incredibly beautiful, talented and successful, why does anyone care what his sexual preferences are?
Watching him perform is mesmorizing!
It puts me in wonderful place !
jcool
no one is mentioning his previous attempts to “prove” he was straight by his daily public make out sessions with the little girlfriend. nobody i know, gay, straight or whatever makes out in public. look at me, take my picture, i like girls.
LegionKeign
Did this “not gay” man just get twirled around on a train by a guy in a dance number?
Shawn, honey, listen…you’re fans could give 2 shits if you’re gay or not. Stop talking about it so much. Do like Justin and find an appropriate “beard” and live your life.
Then when you’re Ricky Martin’s age, or even George Michaels age, come out. We’ll be here.
Well, maybe not me cause I have an issue with closet cases, but you get my point.
Luv, Auntie Jay.
succubus
WTF.. who cares???
o.codone
Shawn said: ‘hell yeah, I got that divine middle ground, that Freddie Mercury’
WHAT?
First, using the word “divine” in a sentence is diagnostic of homosexuality. Secondly, do you know who FM is? Why do you think his band was named “Queen”.
Gurl, own it. We all know anyway.
ptb2010
Why did he not just say mind your own business to people asking about his sexuality. It’s a personal matter after all, and it shouldn’t matter if people want to identify him as a gay man or as a straight man. If I’d been him I’d have just said “As Moses said to the Israelites go forth and multiply. I know, my family and friends know. I don’t see the need to share it with strangers. Thanks for your interest.”