Shirley Explains It All

Harnessing her lawyerly powers, Shirley Phelps Roper wants to set the record straight about what happened with her evil father, Fred and presidential candidate Fred Thompson.

In a note to cutie-pie Good As You:

I inquired of this matter more closely and this is what I learned:

During the Tomson vs Stephen trial when Fred Thompson was here in Topeka, he spent some time visiting with my dad. During the course of that visit, they had some discussions about the scriptures – Thompson talked about a verse in Acts 1 or 2 about baptism; Thompson went to the verse; asked if my dad knew what “baptitso” means and so forth; and my dad had some impression that at one point along the way he was hooked up with the Campbellites. It was in that discussion that they had some conversation about the moral issues, including the sin of Sodom! As for photos – trials are NOT what you call photo ops, unless the press is interested!

As for what Marge said [that Thompson wouldn’t agree with Phelps] – there is NOTHING inconsistent with what she said and what my dad experienced with Fred Thompson – this nation has gone so overboard about the dead soldiers that there is not a politician in this country that would DARE speak to anything that [they?] do as anything but bad! If you could get Thompson to say what he thinks about moral issues, he would have about 100,000 words to describe why that has NOTHING to do with what we are doing at the soldiers funerals!

What more can I tell you about that?

Um, nothing, really. We have another, wholly unrelated question: why don’t you use conditioner? Sure, your politics are totally heinous, but you’d be a far more sympathetic character if you’d take care of yourself. Look at Ann Coulter – she’s a gnarly bitch from hell, but she still manages to turn heads. Think about it.