As Queerty launches a bright, shiny new design, we hope that the spirit of the design will make the most popular LGBTQ site even more widely read, our topics even more debated and discussed. We also hope it will inspire our loyal commenters to cheer up, and be a bit kinder, gentler to each other. After all, there is enough hate being spewed by the next occupant of the White House for a lifetime. See if you resemble any of the types found in the fabulous Charles Purdy’s list below, and start commenting. Pencil’s up!
If you want to write for the Web, you have to have a thick skin: people get nasty. And if you want to write for a gay site, you need a Kevlar bodysuit. In my long career of putting things on the Internet, many readers have taken advantage of comments sections to threaten me with death—for offenses as serious as offering etiquette advice (which was asked for!) and writing about my enjoyment of Kylie Minogue‘s music. It’s an Internet thing. Go to any site where people can have online discussions, and you’re sure to find a lot of people saying a lot of nasty things.
I just wish we LGBT brothers and sisters treated one another better than that.
After I publish something, I skim comments looking for readers who have thoughtful rebuttals, interesting points, and error corrections to share— and I truly value those comments.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
But they’re often outnumbered by these folks, the worst commenters on Queerty:
1. One-track-mind crazies
This includes the homophobic nuts who apparently receive alerts when certain topics appear on our site, just so they can come here and call us names before scurrying away like cockroaches. If you’ve come to this post to write a comment about something that someone told you appears in the Bible, this is you. Go away.
2. The person who reads only the first sentence
I realize I’ve already lost this person to the comments section: He’s down there now, clickety-clacketing away with profane insults or raising points that are dealt with in this piece’s sixth paragraph.
3. The person who writes “Why are we wasting time on ____ when there are dying/oppressed people in _____?”
I get this person a lot, because I write about lifestyle issues. His holier-than-thou attitude is based on a fallacy. He’s really saying, “This doesn’t interest me.” Which is fine, but it’s nothing he needs to tell the world about. That is, it’s not as though he spends all his time working to resolve world crises—he also, I assume, finds time to watch TV, listen to music, go to work, socialize with friends, eat corn chips, masturbate, troll the Internet looking for text boxes to write in, and so on. These activities, too, do not directly help end world hunger or disease. So it’s settled—we all occasionally engage in activities that other people find frivolous.
4. The person who “can’t believe” [insert writer’s name] gets paid to write for the Internet
Believe it. If it makes you feel any better, writing for the Internet doesn’t pay well at all. Go ahead and try it.
5. The person who is “shocked and appalled”
6. The person who is shocked and appalled about a typo
Listen—typos are a fact of life, especially in the fast-paced world of the Web. I’m grateful when people point mine out, so I can fix them. But let’s agree that typos are not indicators of subpar intelligence or a failure to grasp the basics of the English language. They are the result writers writing too fast, and of having too few copy editors — and sometimes of a glass of wine at lunch.
7. The misinformed grammar expert
This person thinks that you can’t end a sentence with a preposition (you can) or that you can’t split an infinitive (you can) — because Miss Higginbotham told him so in fifth grade (and everyone knows she’s the last word on the subject). As with typos, I appreciate having grammar errors pointed out, but I suggest that people do so with caution. First, do the necessary research (if you haven’t cracked a grammar or usage book in more than ten years, then you may need to refresh your notions about grammar). Second, be polite; self-appointed “grammar police” who are rude and insulting always end up making grammar errors in their comments.
8. Mean people
They suck, as the popular bumper sticker of the 1990s put it. Now, good writers welcome healthy debate and differences of opinion. But mean people often mistake their opinions for facts (admittedly, there are some gray areas there), and fail to recognize that a difference of opinion does not require threats of bodily harm. Also, using nastiness and foul language (and/or all caps) makes the mean person seem insane — it does not convince anyone of the validity of his opinion (in fact, it does the opposite). I am saying this in an effort to help all readers make themselves better understood.
Anonymity, of course, is one reason for the mean person’s stridency: a certain type of coward will say anything when he doesn’t have to attach his real name to it. And writing an anonymous attack screed on the Web is one way, I guess, for angry-at-the-world people to release some frustration. We should pity them.
9. People who engage with mean people
You can’t cure crazy with a comment reply. Don’t try. Ignore mean people, and they’re likely to go away.
Photo via polinasergeeva
Charles Purdy is the author of the book Urban Etiquette: Modern Manners for the Modern Metropolis and a longtime manners-advice columnist. In his Queerty column, he addresses issues related to social behavior. Find him on Twitter: @charlesqueerty
In keeping with the spirit of this column, the Queerty editorial team has updated our comments policy. We are proud to host one of liveliest discussions on the Web and hope to maintain a respectful atmosphere. Check it out and please remember our sage advice: Don’t post hate speech. Don’t incite violence. Don’t defame anyone. And don’t be a total dick.
Xzamilloh
Sooooooooooooooooo… avoid me at all costs, people 🙂
Caine
Charles Purdy – any relation to James Purdy? Have you read him? I met him once when I was 19 (and young and beautiful) he was quite the flirt. “In A Shallow Grave” was a favorite of mine. Only commenting cos this article is about commenting and you left out the guy who comments with a complete tangent LOL.
Heywood Jablowme
In other words, you don’t want your opinions criticized and you’re too lazy to keep up with grammar and typos. Got it. Well, at least you don’t get paid much for this crap. Ha!
MarionPaige
funny how some deep pocket “Mainstream” media sites like Vice are saying that user comments are not worth the trouble.
“A Certain Someone” seems set to raise money for a new forum site that employs a “Studio 54” policy for commenters, i.e., only the “qualified elite” will be allowed the honor of being able to comment
Jack Meoff
Good luck with that Charles. I like the sentiment but I am dubious about effecting any change.
Herman75
Sheeeesh. Only 9??? That’s the best you got? 🙂 🙂
Sluggo2007
Stop patting yourself on the back. Your new design is mediocre at best.
Chris
You forgot the 10th one: the people who get all upset when, in turnabout, you chide them for some of their more outrageous behaviors. ….. Throw a rock into a crowd, and the person who yells is the one that it hit.
dgsea06
Not neccesarily, another person may yell”Somebocy just threw a rock at us!” Get down! Others Yell, even if they are not hit. They are people, y’know, trying to protect other people. Think about it, please.
Litsha
The site is really pretty now btw. I quite like the “shocked and appalled” commenters make for an interesting read
dgsea06
Fun post, well written and thoughtful. Not pedantic, an opinion piece of which we need more – of.- Or not. nyuk nyuk.
Myself, I love our language, that being American English. Un peu de francais und ein bischen deutsch and my challenge, Espanol!
Yeah, the “tone” of the commenters is harsh for a reason I do not kinow, but, however it exhibts a proufound dislike of people, society, and self. Self-love is as debilitating as self-hate. An imperfect definition of cognitive dissonance. Love what you’re doing, hate yourself for doing it. Or, hate what you’re doing, but love yourself for doing it.
I’m going to invoke an ancient Greek: Know Thyself. And Shakespeare, To thine ownself be true, then thou cans’t be false to any man.
In my opinion, D.Trump is a false man. Ego uber alles.
Please follow up with comments that exhibit all of the above article decries.
Stevenw
Probably not the correct place to flag this, but since the new site update, every story seems to have lost all lower-case i letters. I know they are written lower-case correctly (I checked) but they ALL look upper-case. To take the starting sentence of the story proper, to me it seems:
If you want to wrIte
Rather than:
If you want to write
Just me?
Jack Meoff
It’s deceptive because of the new font which is not very clear to read.
NateOcean
10. Headlines or Subject Titles that are designed to misinform or draw clicks. Headlines should tell you enough so you would know an article is about a subject that interests you, not something intentionally vague, titilating, or misleading. e.g. “America says goodbye to Betty White” (No, Betty didn’t die, she went to the airport)
11. Lazy pronoun reuse. Midway thru the article you can’t tell if the “he” the are referring to is the murdered man, the murdering boyfriend, the taxi driver that dropped them off, or the hotel clerk that joined them in bed. Come on, read your own damn article; if you can’t follow it, likely we can’t either.
12. Abandoned articles. Sheesh, after a few hours perhaps you could actually read the *comments* and go back and touch up a few confusing typos, grammar errors, or mis-stated facts. Unfortunately, commenters are permitted no such luxary.