“You’re vile.”
“What the f*ck’s wrong with you? Why are you on here with your disease?”
“You should be ashamed, you’re a walking disease.”
These are just a few of the things HIV-positive gay men have reported hearing from other gay men on Grindr.
A powerful new video shows the ugly truth of what it’s really like to be HIV-positive on the popular dating app.
The video was produced by HIV Foundation Queensland in partnership with Queensland Positive People as part of a project called Real Conversations of Grindr. It features people reading actual messages that have been sent to HIV-positive men on the app, revealing the abuse and ignorance that poz men still face daily.
“While there have been many incredible medical and scientific advances in HIV, what hasn’t diminished is the stigma around HIV and the negative community attitudes towards people living with HIV,” Simon O’Connor of Queensland Positive People says.
“For HIV stigma to be decreased, it will take a noticeable improvement in community attitudes towards people living with HIV.”
See the video below.
barkomatic
It’s so sad to hear how nasty we gays can be to each other. Of course you don’t have to sleep with anyone you don’t want to but why is it necessary to insult or shame someone?
It seems that since we are much more accepted into society that some pretty prejudiced guys that would never have come out 10 or 15 years ago feel that they can be bigoted — without connecting that to how we have historically been treated by other bigots.
Get ready guys, those bad old days might be coming back so it would be wise not to tear each other down. Though, people who make cowardly comments such as those in this article would probably just run back into the closet. Oh, and I’m negative by the way, so you can stop if you were planning to throw that back in my face.
ChrisK
You know that’s something I never thought of. The ones who went through that crap just have more compassion and a sense of community that the young ones just don’t have. You can’t teach them either. Unfortunately it has to be lived.
JaredMacBride
Whatever happened to a simple “no thank you” to someone you’re not interested in?
Orgoglio Masch
I don’t get it. With all the “on prep/prefer bareback” profiles on gay apps and sites, I would think things are actually much easier for poz guys than for neg guys who aren’t into risky sex. If these guys are looking down on poz guys simply for being poz, then they are pr-cks and one shouldn’t waste too much time obsessing over nasty messages from them. However, for guys that prefer to be with neg guys because of genuine safety concerns, it is their right to protect their bodies they way they see fit (even if you disagree with their methods).
Orgoglio Masch
Also, I think some of the more aggressive replies could be a result of fear of contracting the virus as well as frustration with how ridiculously common the virus is in this community. Poz guys need to also put the shoe on the other foot sometimes and understand that poz living isn’t every guy’s normal. A lot of poz guys have very nonchalant attitudes about HIV because they are used to living with it. Sometimes neg guys experience anxiety over contracting the virus simply from looking online. They just could sign out…but then there’s still that hard c ck that keeps popping up. Dilemma, dilemma. It sucks. Sometimes a guy just wants to get laid without worrying about the astronomical STI rates in this community. Things could be so much easier for all of us if some of us would just stop being reckless.
ChrisK
Wow. Were you just thinking a loud because none of that is relative to the post.
Orgoglio Masch
@ChrisK: Maybe you aren’t the best reader? All points pertain to topic, mostly about attitudes directed towards poz guys online. Additionally, I’ve thrown in that attitudes towards neg guys from poz guys can be quite nasty as well (since you’re totally “allowed” to discuss different elements of a topic during internet discussions). Are you being paid to moderate Queerty? I’ve noticed you mostly just seem to have an opinion on everyone else’s opinion.
orrine
It’s funny considering how many people have “bareback” in their profiles
Bob LaBlah
I’m willing to bet that people who send messages like that immediately hit the block button so they can’t get the response they asked for from the POZ person. Those of you who received messages like this should respond with a smile, a hello or some sort of warm, cozy response. What else but a lonely person (who clearly needs a hug) would do something like that? If they’re so hot their mailboxes should be so overflowing with guys begging them for sex they simply have no time to search for sex because it is coming to them.
ChrisK
I get those messages all the time. Grindr is the worst when it comes to the trolls. People need to grow thicker skin.
mrzodiac2003
The hypocrisy being that it’s these same complainers who all the while continue with the same unsafe practices that were the real issue to begin with.
NeoAurelianus
Grindr is an online bathhouse. As an older poz man it holds no interest for me, unless I feel like looking at sexy photos of more active users … but I don’t. Having HIV, being older, or not having the perfect body (or a large penis) are equally maligned and stigmatized. Sending unsolicited dick pics seems to be the modus operandi for many from my limited experience. Ugh.
ChrisK
So in other words, they deserve to be shit on because they’re all assumed to be whores anyways. On Grindr of all places. Logic fail.
Danny595
This whole post is sickening. You have guys who got infected from hooking up now complaining that they are having problems continuing to hook up? Promiscuity spreads disease. People who engage in promiscuity long-term are not healthy people, mentally or physically. Just avoid the whole scene. Date individuals like a normal human being. Get to know them. Have a relationship. Fall in love Marry.
Charlie in Charge
Errr no it seems like you have HIV positive folks saying “Here are some of the horrifying things that complete strangers seem perfectly happy sharing with me.”
I don’t know what their experience is like and I can’t speak for them but they don’t deserve to have people tell them they are vile or trash while they are on Grindr. What they also probably don’t need is you telling them how to live like a “normal human being.”
Chris
No person deserves to be treated this way.
Having said so and not being a Grindr user myself, I wonder how widespread these sorts of comments are. Are they the rants of a few idiots or do they represent a widespread problem?
I ask because, as a older (neg) man, I’ve not heard about these sorts if exchanges among my peers. But then, we’ve learned, the hard way, how to negotiate interactions among discordant couples and their associated fears.
bridyyc
Grindr can be a horrible place, but I don’t know that it’s not just a part of a larger “internet asshole” mentality. Look at almost any comment section of any post, anywhere (Qweerty included) and it’s full of people being awful to each other. Just rude, mean, insulting, demeaning, posts.
People living with HIV have all my love and support and there is no excuse for this treatment. I also think there are lot’s of groups that have similar conversations – older people, Asian people, heavier people, etc. People think the internet means basic human decency isn’t required.
Michael
As with most social media, it seems because people are not communicating face to face it gives them the right to behave in an appalling manner. Would they have the balls to say all this face to face, or would common decency and politeness never allow those things in to the mind in the first place.
At 47 and growing up with the fear of HIV being untreatable and a death sentence I still find it hard to believe people flaunt bare back without a care in the world. PReP is great but not 100%, I was extremely promiscuous in my late teens to my late 20’s. I always practiced safe sex and I’m still neg now, it seems almost everyone LGBT/straight simply think behaving like an a-hole is the the new normal.
Orgoglio Masch
Well said. I think more younger guys need to hear from guys like you. Promiscuity isn’t necessarily the problem. It is totally possible to enjoy lots of sex SAFELY. You don’t have to be a choirboy, and you don’t have to take toxic drugs either. Just wrap it up and enjoy. It’s that simple.
Heywood Jablowme
Hey Queerty, there’s a mistake in your headline. I’ll correct it for you:
“Shocking PSA shows just what it’s like to be on Grindr if you ADMIT you have HIV”