Iain Lee is a popular British radio host, comedian, and reality TV personality. Last summer he made headlines when he came out as bisexual during a live episode of his TalkRADIO show. Now he says guys won’t stop sending him their unsolicited nudes.
“I had like the tiniest glimpse of what it might be like to be a woman online,” Lee tells Metro in a new interview. “What I mean by that is, I started getting people sliding into my DMs.”
“On Instagram I started getting young men sending me topless muscle shots. I got a couple of c*ck pics and I got a few ‘I’d love to meet you for a drink,’ but they weren’t even my type. My type is kind of–these were all younger men.”
Lee calls the whole situation “weird” and not particularly “flattering.”
“It made me uncomfortable,” the 47-year-old admitted, “and I didn’t like it.”
Lee hasn’t exactly had the easiest time coming out.
Shortly after revealing he is bisexual, he tweeted: “This week I kind of came out on air as bi and the support has been nuts. So like thanks. I’ll probably delete this tweet as I still feel embarrassed and ashamed and weird but I’m working on it.”
As promised, the tweet has since been deleted.
Not long after that, Lee said his family had stopped talking to him.
“Childish, disappointing and very sad,” he tweeted last August. “I expected more from family when strangers have been so kind.”
Asked by Metro this week whether he has a boyfriend, Lee responded, “I’m not in a relationship with a bloke, that’s not where my head is at at the moment. Who knows? But at the moment that’s not where I see things going.”
Related: Popular radio host who came out on live air last month says his family has quit talking to him
Donston
It’s weird that he says he didn’t realize he was “bi” until he went to therapy. Yet, he has a pretty good idea of his “type”.
Some folks still don’t get that admitting to not being entirely inherently hetero or homo does not mean all that much. Most inherently “bi” people or people who contend with fluidity still very much lean a certain way or have certain ambitions when it comes to the overall romantic, sexual, affection, emotional investment, relationship comfort spectrum. And this idea of people needing to have an “open mind” tends to just lead to more phoniness, confusion, manipulation or denial. This is why I focus more on honesty, self-understanding and the spectrum rather than identity politics. While even if he had unabashed homo preferences or ambitions, sending random nudes to stranger is tacky.
amanwithanedge
you don’t “admit” to being gay. You inform.
Donston
I didn’t say anything about someone’s identity. Furthermore, it can feel like an “admittance” if someone has been actively, purposely shield their aspects. It also can feel more like an “admittance” if you are a guy with overall hetero preferences and relationship ambitions. For them, “coming out” is even more about sociology and ego.
odowd4sure
As if, he needs to get a life
Donston
It may not be as bad as he’s trying to make it come off. And while he may have his dimensions and struggles, he also needs to recognize his privilege. He is still a well-off, white, masculine, “straight passing” dude with hetero relationship ambitions. That stuff needs to be acknowledged before you start going in on guys for sending nudes to your DMs.
This is partly why “bi pride” can become problematic. It can be used as a shield so guys can get away with promoting internalized homophobia and/or self-misandry. Once again, this is why I preach others things over identity politics.
JaredNorthcutt30
He doesn’t want nudes. Period. Honor that, cork your verbal diarrhea and faux intellectual banter and move on.
Donston
I’m pretty sure I made it clear that sending unsolicited nudes is shameful. While there ain’t nothing “intellectual” about that post. That’s one of the most basic common sense posts I’ve written recently.
Stay basic and bitter. But also remember that I’m not one of the dudes who supposedly gang-raped you. So, it’d be nice if you stop popping up only to throw corny hate my way. That’s no way to deal with your traumas. More “queers” really need to understand that.
dali
I like sucking c*ck. But I usually don’t like getting romanticaly involved with the guys attached to them. Does that mean I’m fluid? Or have I just not found out the right guy for me? I don’t know. You tell me?
Donston
People use “fluid” for every damn thing nowadays. But it’s supposed to represent shifts in attractions, desires, passions and/or enjoyment. If you haven’t experienced those shifts then you haven’t experienced fluidity.
Sucking dick is not the be-all to being into dudes. Are you turned on by other physical aspect of guys? Some people are just turned on by certain physical aspects of a person but indifferent to the rest. Liking someone’s genitals or enjoying sexual activity with someone does not equate to being fo’ real into that kind of person. Do you enjoy pleasing a guy? Do you like a guy wanting you and wanting to please you? Do you have emotional longing and emotional investment towards your sex? Guys getting on your nerves doesn’t mean you don’t have same-sex preferences. Is your resistance to being romantically involved with a guy connected to how you feel about women? Do you contend with gay shame or internalized homophobia or self-misandry? Are u scared of a dude breaking your heart? What are your particular mental health struggles and might that have something to do with your instincts? These (and many more) are ultimately questions only an individual can answer. While an identity is not gonna equate to you sussing out all your struggles, dimensions, paraphiliacs and what you really want. Nor does it solve where you fit in the romantic, sexual, affection, emotional investment, relationship contentment spectrum. More than anything though, just follow your heart and make sure you don’t manipulate anyone.
Kevan1
There are worse things that people could send you.
dali
Thank you @Donston. So much clearer now. I guess I’m gay. Wow that was easy. I just came out of the closet as gay. Too bad for the other fluiders.
Me2
Was he forced out of the closet or something? It’s painfully obvious that he’s not comfortable with everyone knowing he’s attracted to men.
justgeo
But the bitch ani’t HOT! Why send a pix?