Soccer Player Pulls Opponent In Close To Kiss Him? Bite Him? Who Cares, It’s Hot.

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If the below move was a regular ingredient in the sportsball cocktail, we would subscribe to every obscure ESPN offshoot satellite TV has to offer.

But until then, we’ll just take a long, satisfying sip of whatever the hell is going on during this soccer match.

Related: What Straight Guys Secretly Want To Do When Their Sportsball Team Wins

A Spanish soccer player — Diego Costa of Chelsea F.C. — was ejected after he, well, we’re still not sure what he did.

We do, however, know it stirred something sacred and ancient from deep within us.

Related: That Awkward Moment When A Sports Announcer Mentions A Player’s Eight Inch Shaft

Costa was fined £20,000 by the league and was temporarily suspended from play, according to the Guardian.

Grab the popcorn, or the coconut oil: