In a preemptive assumption that you would become famous, you recorded a song called “Paparazzi,” which could literally be translated as an ode to the celebrity machine chasing you down, wanting more more more. Or some bullshit.
Fine. It’s for the MTV generation, which is fitting, because it’s on their gay channel Logo where you got your start. And now you’ve migrated up to the big leagues. But last night’s 18th century goth chic rendition at the VMAs was a sorry use of fake blood. Next to Pink, Beyonce, and Janet, yours was among the most forgettable performances.
Which is okay! The gays have your back, Gaga, like you have ours. We’ll continue supporting your career. Just keep it in check. You’re a little over a year out from the birth of your persona, and you won’t change the world. Not just yet. So don’t let us down by making promises you can’t keep. Kapeesh?