Southwest Airlines Pilot Announces His Distaste For Un-fuckable Fags And Grannies

An unnamed Southwest Airlines pilot accidentally clogged Houston’s air traffic control airwaves with a three minute rant about all the gay, old, and ugly stewards that he can’t invite into his… “cockpit” shall we say. Let’s listen in on his black box confessions…

The following is taken from a censored transcript. Feel free to fill in the blanks with your favorite swears and slurs:

“Well, I had Tucson to Indy all four weeks and, uh, Chicago crews … 11 out of 12 … there’s 12 flight attendants, individual, never the same flight attendant twice… Eleven (expletive) over the top (expletive), (expletive) homosexuals and a granny. Eleven. I mean, think of the odds of that. I thought I was in Chicago, which was party-land. … After that, it was just a continuous stream of gays and grannies and grandes …”

After an inaudible comment by his co-pilot, presumably about gays, the pilot continues: “Well I don’t give a (expletive). I hate 100 percent of their (expletive). So, six months, I went to the bar three times. In six months, three times. … Once with the granny and the fag, and I wish I hadn’t gone.”

“At the very end with two girls, one of them that was part do-able, but we ended up going to the bar and then to the crew at St. Louis, and all these two women wanted to do was, one wanted to berate her sister and the other wanted to bitch about her husband. Literally, for three hours, me and the F.O. (First officer). When that was done, got back to my room, I’m like why the (expletive) did I stay up?

“They’re still both (inaudible), you know what I mean? I still wouldn’t want anyone to know if I had banged them. So, I mean it was a complete disaster for six months. Now I’m back in Houston, which is easily where the ugliest base is. I mean it’s all these (expletive) old dudes and grannies and there’s like maybe a handful of cute chicks.”

They call air traffic controlling one of the most boring jobs in the world. Well, not on the day the pilot Ace Baron McSexy manned the helm!

Southwest spokesperson Brandy King says that Officer McSexy has been suspended without pay, has formally apologized to FAA Controllers and his base leadership, and has been forced into “inclusion” and “diversity training.”

King added, “The actions of this Pilot are, without question, inconsistent with the professional behavior and overall respect that we require from our Employees.”

Good idea with the training and all, Southwest. But we’re curious wether their pilots go through sensitivity and inclusion training before they get all high and mighty in the cockpit.

Via The Dallas Voice

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  • Michael

    What I’d like to know is what this pilot looks like because I have a feeling no (expletive) would want to (expletive) him.

  • bob

    This behavior is what gives all men a bad reputation. Because of pigs like this, a man can’t compliment a woman’s outfit lest he be charged with sexual harassment. Because of this behavior, straight men assume they’re attractive to all gay men. Because of this, men “in touch” with their sexuality are assumed to be leering and lecherous.
    This guy is in need of some serious sex addiction therapy before some tits-with-legs dumps hot coffee in his crotch. From his rap, I’d also recommend community service handing out condoms at the local retirement home.

  • Pete

    I would never set foot on a Southwest plane anyway.

  • Joetx

    Straight guys are so (expletive) predictable. They brag about their (nonexistent) sexual conquests & gay bash to make themselves feel like men.

  • hf2hvit

    @Joetx: and, as has been my experience, often while they have some (expletive) fag’s (expletive) up their (expletive)!!! (But I don’t kiss, man!)

  • Abel

    This guy has a closet or two of his own, I’d wager.

  • fredo777

    I’d like to know what some of those expletives really stand for. It’d make the overall conversation much more clear, although I understand the basic take-away: Pilot McAssHead is an asshead.

  • Bobby Christina Crawford

    Dallas is a city full of conservative pussies who would never think of any sort of protest because…..well it just wouldn’t be proper and all. They should be proud to be the home of such a bigot.

  • Politically Incorrect Thug

    Holy shit, I’d hate to overhear the personal conversations of all the self-righteous posters on this site, because I’m so very sure none of them have ever disparaged anyone in their life, right? Right? Never put down a churchy? Never derided a conservative? Of course not, because posters on Queerty are, how shall I say . . . PERFECT! That’s how they can be so viciously judgmental of others.

  • Jan Nunley

    They used to call Southwest the “Love” airline, remember? But that was just because it was based at Love Field. Don’t read anything into that, either.

  • vermontman

    Uh…. ok he probably shouldn’t have spouted off… but … Hello! … i am an old gay as a goose queen… who has experienced age / gay discrimation most of my life… but i am sorry… i have gotten to the point that one of the reason’s i hate flying anymore is because of those uppity old queens and grannies who seem to have enough attitude to part the Red Seawhile pretending to give a crap.

  • MC

    I don’t know… If I was a gay commercial pilot and had been working for weeks straight, and all of my crew members turned out to be straight people I didn’t have anything in common with, I might be a little pouty. Then to add, if the only 2 gay guys I managed to meet constantly berated their boyfriends and talked about their pores, I might lose it.

    “Christ, all week I’ve been flying with unfriendly straight people with bad breath, and the only 2 gay guys I met are both taken and boring?”

    I don’t really think that pilot was saying all those things because he’s a clear homophobe. He didn’t even say anything specific about gays.

    Yikes, if I had a job where I have new coworkers every flight and none of them had anything in common with me, that would be a LONG work week for me.

  • Yul Brynner

    I might agree with you, MC, if it weren’t for this part:

    “Well I don’t give a (expletive). I hate 100 percent of their (expletive).”

    That was said in response to the co-pilot, who it seems stood up for us. (“They’re not all bad” or something along those lines.) It sounds like he has a real chip on his shoulder about working in close proximity with gays…

  • Tony

    Poor baby, he seems to think it’s 1963 and he’s Don Draper from Mad Men.

  • MD

    Queerty, what does Pam Ann have to do with this story?

  • tjr101

    The pilot sounds like the typical male Palin/Bachman supporter.

  • hf2hvit

    @Politically Incorrect Thug: Why wouldn’t somebody judge a group in which its members make it their goal to make another person’s life miserable??? You fly for SWA, asswipe?

  • Guy

    I was a flight attendant. I didn’t look forward to hanging out with the pilots so it kind of goes both ways. Not necessarily because they were straight (though it did mean compromising on the clubs to stay with the group). More so because many spent the entire time hitting on the female flight attendants. I can’t say all because there were some monogamous guys (or at least subtle about it). But I often felt like a speed bump in their path to hooking up with the girls. I kind of assumed a lot of pilots thought like this guy so I’m not too bothered by his outburst but I want them to know they’re not the best company to be away with either.

  • Kenny

    When you work in an environment where an open mic is a potential possibility, you really should have the brains to ensure that the mic isn’t on.

  • Justin N. in Oaklawn, Dallas, TX

    And, so again it is confirmed to us that:
    A) “Diversity Training” is code for “punishment for getting caught”, and
    B) They’ll apologize when caught, but only to the extent they think necessary. (Note the absence of any apology to the gay community. He slandered us all, but only apologizes to a few federal employees and his OWN COMPANY’S staff. He insulted and demeaned us all, but has no apologies for THAT.

  • Joseph

    @MC: “and all of my crew members turned out to be straight people I didn’t have anything in common with…” The world is awash in a sea of straight people. All of your everything turn out to be straight people. Why would it upset you if a group was all straight people? I’m 39 and could probably count on one hand the number of out gay people I’ve ever met, and I live on the East Coast of the U.S. No, I don’t think most gay people would be frustrated about their coworkers turning out to be straight, because that describes almost every American’s job.

    Also, if you didn’t have anything (else) in common with them, would sharing the same sexuality really make any more difference than sharing the same hair color or gender?

  • Jim

    I am wondering what he did to tick off ATC

    Controllers hear all kinds of idiotic comments from pilots, often keeping it quiet

Comments are closed.