Southwest Airlines Pilot Announces His Distaste For Un-fuckable Fags And Grannies

An unnamed Southwest Airlines pilot accidentally clogged Houston’s air traffic control airwaves with a three minute rant about all the gay, old, and ugly stewards that he can’t invite into his… “cockpit” shall we say. Let’s listen in on his black box confessions…

The following is taken from a censored transcript. Feel free to fill in the blanks with your favorite swears and slurs:

“Well, I had Tucson to Indy all four weeks and, uh, Chicago crews … 11 out of 12 … there’s 12 flight attendants, individual, never the same flight attendant twice… Eleven (expletive) over the top (expletive), (expletive) homosexuals and a granny. Eleven. I mean, think of the odds of that. I thought I was in Chicago, which was party-land. … After that, it was just a continuous stream of gays and grannies and grandes …”

After an inaudible comment by his co-pilot, presumably about gays, the pilot continues: “Well I don’t give a (expletive). I hate 100 percent of their (expletive). So, six months, I went to the bar three times. In six months, three times. … Once with the granny and the fag, and I wish I hadn’t gone.”

“At the very end with two girls, one of them that was part do-able, but we ended up going to the bar and then to the crew at St. Louis, and all these two women wanted to do was, one wanted to berate her sister and the other wanted to bitch about her husband. Literally, for three hours, me and the F.O. (First officer). When that was done, got back to my room, I’m like why the (expletive) did I stay up?

“They’re still both (inaudible), you know what I mean? I still wouldn’t want anyone to know if I had banged them. So, I mean it was a complete disaster for six months. Now I’m back in Houston, which is easily where the ugliest base is. I mean it’s all these (expletive) old dudes and grannies and there’s like maybe a handful of cute chicks.”

They call air traffic controlling one of the most boring jobs in the world. Well, not on the day the pilot Ace Baron McSexy manned the helm!

Southwest spokesperson Brandy King says that Officer McSexy has been suspended without pay, has formally apologized to FAA Controllers and his base leadership, and has been forced into “inclusion” and “diversity training.”

King added, “The actions of this Pilot are, without question, inconsistent with the professional behavior and overall respect that we require from our Employees.”

Good idea with the training and all, Southwest. But we’re curious wether their pilots go through sensitivity and inclusion training before they get all high and mighty in the cockpit.

Via The Dallas Voice