Spanish Queen Doesn’t Understand Parading Queens

Queen Sofía of Spain was bored of flying from airports named in her honor one day and decided to sit down with author Pilar Urbano and get literate by saying a bunch of entertaining things about gays in an interview for a book.

It seems that the 70-year-old queen was under the impression that it was all a big pretend game, like a mock naval battle or an election and was surprised to learn that the book, The Queen Up Close, was actually going to be published and read by the common-folk.

Turns out the queen, a member of the Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg (say it three times fast aloud right now) dynasty has all sort of conservative royal opinions, much like Peggy Noonan — only Sofía’s actual royalty.

She wonders why LGBT people “should feel proud to be gay…That they get up on floats and parade in the streets? If all of us who are not gay were to parade in the streets, we’d halt the traffic in every city.” She also mentions that she doesn’t support gay marriage, but is okay with civil unions. She supports teaching creationism and credits herself with getting Fidel Castro to change from his military garb to a suit and tie.

The Spanish monarchy is upset that the cranky things their Queen says to them all day managed to get written down and have said that she was quoted “inexactly” and apologized if Grandma’s nutty rants upset any of the local homosexual peasantry. The Spanish Federation of Lesbians, Gays, Transsexuals and Bisexual accepted the apology, failing to mention that come Madrid Pride, you can bet half the gays will be dressed up as sexy, glittery Sofía’s.