BANANARAMA

Spiders That Give Men Four-Hour Erections Began Hatching In Bananas Purchased From Tesco

banana_with_spider_3229405bPrepare to be absolutely horrified.

The eggs of a highly venomous spider whose bite can kill or, worse, give men burning, stinging, pulsating, hours-long erections were found deeply embedded inside a batch of bananas from a grocery store in the U.K.

The bananas came from Costa Rica and were purchased from a Tesco supermarket by a woman named Maria Layton. (Tesco, you may remember, made headlines back in January when one of its employees told a customer “gay people shouldn’t have babies” and should all “die alone.”) When Layton brought the bananas home, her six-year-old daughter asked for one. That’s when Layton noticed the eggs from the Brazilian Wandering Spider growing on the side.

“I recognized it because I remembered seeing a news story about them,” she told The Telegraph.

Within seconds of making the discovery, the cocoon started to hatch.

“I was so scared!” Layton continued. “I…have read about the Brazilian Wandering Spiders, and was very frightened about the potential threat.”

The venom from the Brazilian Wandering Spider’s bite is known to cause painful erections in men that can last up to four hours. It’s currently being studied by medical researchers for possible use in treatments for erectile dysfunction.

Layton quickly snapped into action, putting the hatching spider eggs into a sealed container then shoving them in her freezer to die. Then she called Tesco customer services, who told her she could return the bananas with the spider eggs for a complete refund, if she wanted.

“Tesco were a bit useless,” Layton said. “I spent an hour-and-a-half ringing round trying to get some help while I had this potentially killer spider in the house!”

A spokesperson for Tesco said: “Our policy is for the customer to take the product to the store where it can be investigated. We don’t have a service whereby someone can go out to the home.”

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