We’ll use the term “straight” loosely here, but perhaps it’s best to do away with labels entirely when considering how an anonymous Redditor came to crush hard on his male best friend.
In a plea for advice, this self-identifying “straight bro” shared his relationship issues — namely that his girlfriend isn’t keen on how close he is to his best bud “Shawn.”
Actually, it’s been a real source of contention:
What we seem to argue about most is my friendship with the other guy in our group. Ill call him Shawn. Shawn is someone I clicked with instantly, we have a ton of common interests and the same sense of humor and when were together we spend half of the time finishing each others sentences. Hes the type of person where I cant make eye contact with him sometimes because I know we’ll both end up laughing for ten minutes. My kinda girlfriend refers to him as “the other woman”.
She doesn’t like how close we are. She constantly complains that I talk to him more than her because we usually play video games online together in the evening even though we have both invited her to join. Shawn and I recently spent two weeks of out vacation together in Thailand ( GF didn’t have vacation days at the same time) and she was furious that I didn’t come stay in her apartment while she worked for my time off.
Trouble in paradise.
How about we take this to the next level?
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But the plot thickens as he describes his friendship with Shawn further:
Shawn is openly gay and after our holiday I’ve realised that I might have some feelings for him. This is confusing the hell out of me. He’s pretty much my best friend in the world and I’m not entirely single but I can’t really deny t anymore. We spent half of our time on vacation just spooning in our room which is fairly normal for us but it felt different to me this time.
I’ve never been interested in a guy in this way before. I’ve always considered myself straight. I’ve dated a few girls and I’m pretty sure I was in love with one of them but this is making me question everything.
Many wrote in with advice, mostly of the “break up with your girlfriend and explore your new feelings” variety.
In a follow-up post, he cleared up a few details.
On the physical side of things:
A [physical] relationship with Shawn is something that I have no idea about. Im not usually attracted to men, its never happened before but i do find myself attracted to him physically. I have found myself thinking about it from time to time not sure if I’d call it fantasizing though. I dont know if I’d be into it but I’m willing to at least try. I’d be a bit out of my comfort zone but I think I could do it if we went slowly.
As for how he’s going to move forward:
I guess I’ll wait and see a bit longer with Shawn. I don’t want to be the guy who breaks up with one person then tries to start something with their friend the next day and if something is going to happen I dont want to rush it. Also I have no clue how to even approach it so this will give me some time to think about that. I’d like to be able to just talk it out with him but that also sounds a little terrifying. I think he’d go for it, i know he hasnt really dated anyone seriously since we arrived here and he once mentioned that he thought I was attractive when we first met and done the occasional joking “If you were just into dudes we’d be set for life” type thing when we’re out. I know its not much to go on and he’d had a few drinks but I’m taking that as a positive sign that he at least isnt repulsed by the idea.
Well, this won’t come as a shock to anyone, but for what it’s worth — we say go for it!
Eray Turkmen
GO FOR IT!
Brian
Women can be very resentful of male-male bonding. She resents anything that takes attention away from her as an individual and as a gender.
Roy Hortman
Your in love dude.go for it .Don’t be in denial. True love is great.
DCguy
So another article about a supposedly straight guy who is labeled straight but who wants to sleep with another guy?
Billy Budd
This smells fake.
SFHandyman
He is really getting ahead of himself. Shawn might not be into him. The fact that they spoon and he didn’t mention Shawn’s raging hardons makes me think that Shawn just considers him a good friend.
Matthew Thompson
The only thing I’m confused about is the entire spooning thing. People don’t usually spoon their friends of any gender that seems a little weird
Dev.C
These Reddit stories always sound like a recipe for disaster, if this is true I would advise this guy to not try and start a relationship with his gay best friend on a whim that he might be attracted to him. I would suggest he break up with his girlfriend and try figuring himself out and fully understanding his emotions, because you don’t want to ruin a friendship over some passion that might not last.
Jon Davis
Don’t give up a chance at true love. It’s a regret that actually hurts as the years pass.
o.codone
So, the guy is a functional bisexual. But he’s lucky he’s got all that sex at his disposal right now. Once one of his partners goes away, that’s when the real work starts. If the bf disappears and he’s left with the woman, okay, does he replace the guy or just leave it? Vice versa, does he replace the gf or just stay with the guy? The real life changing moment has yet to occur. He won’t know the full implications of his present friendships until one of the partners changes position.
Tobi
Instead of breaking up with the girlfriend, why doesn’t he just have sex with Shawn on the down low? It’s what the majority of “straight” guys seem to do these days.
Aromaeus
If he’s really developing romantic feelings for “Shawn” he owes it to his girlfriend to break up with her until he figures out what it is he really wants. The fact that he appears to be choosing him over her when it comes to his free time does seem that he might be more into him than her. Even if things don’t work out with his friend he can’t just carry on with his girlfriend because at the end of the day she’ll always be the consolation prize.
Sebastian Holiday
You’re making this up.
GLF
Y’all are aware that 9/10s of the shit on reddit is fake, right? I know you need the clicks, but this is starting to get ridiculous.
Amaurys Arias
you are spooning a guy to begin with … And then getting funny feeling… Is kind of self explanatory.
Dave Downunder
Another BS reddit made up crock of rubbish.
Mykaels
A. I don’t think he is gay per say, but
B. He needs to ditch the insecure woman
1898
oh for the love of god, enough with the Reddit and Whisper articles already.
Shadeaux
Sure does seem like there are a lot of straight but “ready to explore with guys” guys on here lately.
Damon Gonzalez
What with the straight obsession stories. Is this porn or news?
Me2
If you’re going to make up stories, at least be a little more creative and not recycle the same theme and storyline. It’s not entertaining anymore.
silveroracle
I think the story is self explanatory.
Go for it.
DerekR
@Billy Budd: And your breath smells like cake…
Billy Budd
@DerekR: Not Cake. MINT.
Jacob Smiley
Not straight then. This is stupid.
AJAnders
Yet more content from Queerty about a straight guy (or alleged straight guy.) I used to laugh at your straight guy obsession but now I’m getting kind of creeped out by it.
If websites were actual people, Queerty would be the gay guy who continues to feed his straight buddy alcohol to he can *DO THINGS* to him once he passes out.
Shisou Ryuichi
Go go go! Do iiit! Just doooo eeet!
Fern8783
wow; really? I understand this an all gay, 24/7, 7/11 website but really? Surely there is something more important going on in the world to talk about; this screams desperate and unoriginal. And if not, how about excuse me for saying but being creative and imaginative instead of obvious and tired. Yes we think about sex and men often….anything new to add to the mix besides being cliche.
da90027
I don’t understand the point of these ridiculous articles…they seem to be printed here just for shock value like the front page of the Enquirer
Curtispsf
The only part missing from this “story” is how space aliens abducted the dude and did an anal probe. Sheesh, c’mon Queerty….stop making this BS up. Oh wait, it;s from Reddit. That makes it true.
woodroad34
He gets a “warm, tingly feeling” and has a “kinda girlfriend, who refers to the bro as “the other woman”. Given that he doesn’t really say anything nice about the girlfriend (she was furious that I didn’t come stay in her apartment while she worked for my time off.) and pretty much paints her as clingy and self-absorbed makes his attraction to his bro more understandable. Here’s a friend who’s supportive, interested in his straight bro and they share many an interest. Sounds like the poor guy is desperate to find love and the gay bro is the only one to give it to him. I don’t think he’s gay or even bi–I think he’s a lonely, young guy who’s transposed his loneliness onto his best friend (and I say that since he’s self-identified as straight and is looking to have just a sexual relationship–his love is for females). I had straight friends when I was younger and we all had sexual relations with each other.
Tommysole
My closest and oldest friend and I customarily finish each others sentences, can communicate with a look, laugh at the same things, cry at the same things, love Shakespeare, hate the same things and our significant others are jealous of the relationship that we have.
SHE and I will NEVER have sex though, that would destroy the dynamic of the relationship and ruin a friendship that has been going on since 1982.
This guy, I say he should just stick with being friends and close his eyes when fucks his womans ass, pretend it is his friends ass. Why ruin a friendship that may last longer than a relationship.
europeanguy
spooning your best male friend? im sorry are you sure you are “straight”? is this like totally not gay brojobs again?
Glendon Robert Frank
Just take your pants off already …
bekerry
Someday – people are going to figure out that sexual identity may not really be a thing. Before everyone starts attacking me – I’m not saying we don’t have individual inclinations perhaps to one sex or another – but what I am saying is that things are not so black and white and some of us feel the pull to both. Men are different than women and we can love them for different reasons, I mean we do have both a mom and a dad don’t we?
Although I don’t identify as what you would call bi-sexual, I was married to a woman for a while and when I decided to deal with being gay, I found it truly annoying that there is this idea of “Welcome to our team, it’s better than the other team” from my gay friends which made me feel like a choice was expected, like I am on their side. What side? The only side I am on is the human side.
As men in general, I think we should just wish this guy the best and let him figure out (unpressured) who he is and who he can love – maybe just then, we can each allow that for ourselves.
oldman57
I think it’s cool…………..as a gay man who has straight mates………we all have an attraction to each other I know they know………and as I’m around them more I truly believe it’s the old wives tales, taboo’s, ethnic background, religious upbringings that keeps men from living at peace with the attraction to other men……….we who have accepted our preference even have issues………..most men I truly believe fall in love / like / sexual attraction to other men because it’s natural to be attracted to an individual you click with……..we have been told/taught to believe it has to be our opposite sex…….just because of breeding purposes really……….unfortunately it going to be a battle that won’t ever end……..all we can do is accept it and be kind to each other………the days of cattiness is done……it’s not even retro…..straight is subjective as much as gay………my opinion you don’t have to agree just don’t be rude…….move on and shake your head…….cause it’s just more human and respectful
DCguy
@bekerry:
So you don’t label yourself, but once you broke up with a woman you started having sex exclusively with men.
Oh yes, you sound VERY fluid.
Mack
If he’s getting a “warm tingly” feeling when he spoons, he should see what type of feeling he gets when he puts his ass in the air and let his friend do his thing.
bekerry
@DCguy – you should go re-read my initial statement – I never said after I left my marriage I slept exclusively with men – those are you words you inferred. I have also slept with women, however I prefer men – I feel closer to them. But my ego isn’t big enough to assume everyone is like me.
Also, I didn’t claim to be fluid, also your words. What I did say is that men need to be allowed to figure their perferences out on their own. You seem pretty defensive. Why does the idea of men liking both threaten you so much?
GusBlogging
I love this story. I think many gay guys have had a crush on one of their male friends – especially in younger ages. If this is not made up I seriously hope that he just goes for it!
Gus from http://www.gus-guyblog.com
Brian
Warm tingly feelings don’t need to translate into sexual intercourse. One of the failings of liberalism – particularly gay liberalism – is that it has taught us that warm tingly feelings must always translate into sexual intercourse.
DistingueTraces
@Brian: I look at your posts sometimes and I wonder to myself, “If I wanted to devote a huge amount of energy to repeated posts on the internet in support of some hobby-horse notion of mine, what would that notion be?”
Would it be worth it to spend untold man-hours posting the same thing endlessly if I were arguing for, for example, the central importance of combating waterborne bacterial disease in controlling the harm done by HIV in Africa?
Or an end to the drug war and the culture of incarceration?
Or the way that district-based funding of the primary school system contributes to educational inequities?
Could I find the energy to post over and over to tangentially-related comment threads in support of these agendas? I really don’t think I could. So perhaps that energy is something to admire in you.
But, really, to what kind of person is the idea that women dislike homosexuality important enough that he would spend his days alienating strangers on the internet in order to emphasize his belief in it?
Russell1947
He should talk to Shawn, telling him what he’s told us in his post. The feelings which seem to be increasing, thinking about taking that next step (@ least trying for the sex).
He’ll never know unless he tries, & setting some “rules” as such would probably help. What acts to go for, any they might “skip” or graduate to. Kissing, holding, the old “Princeton Rub” could well lead to much more, or not.
As for the GF. what straight, bi or LGBT person would want to spend a vacation @ a (not so) significant other’s apartment while she works, when he could be traveling to a far away place. Best thing to do here is gently send her packing. Even if Shawn doesn’t work out & the “bro” turns out straight, he needs to find a less needy, stronger, more independent woman, or man.
Sylvain Leroux
Wishful thinking ??????
Stached1
This is made up. No guy that’s actually hetero or straight gets turned on by another man while spooning him in bed…but I guess the writers of ‘articles’ on here just make up fake posts on reddit, or troll there for fake stories.
Nahald
You have a choice to make. Does his friendship mean more than sex to you? If it does, then hands off, because once things go bad you will lose that. But if you’re willng to take that chance, talk with him, and see if he feels the same way. He may or may not, but at least you will know.
Nahald
@GusBlogging: How true that is. I lost a friend once because I had feeling for him and they couldn’t be reciprocated.
Stached1
@bekerry: Well said, it is annoying how a lot of gay men can be biphobic in lots of ways. I’m bisexual and it is annoying how hypocritical some gay men are when they’re biphobic.
spiffy
I can’t get over the fact that he has a “kinda” girlfriend.
KentuckyGent
Dudes … pre-internet, it was called Penthouse Forum. And the opening line was always something comparable to: “I am totally straight … but the strangest thing happened last weekend after a few too many…”
Those stories always seared themselves into my brain, and deposited into the ol’ spank bank for future use. Goddamn. I gotta get me a Reddit account.
Captain Obvious
Reddit is so lame when it’s used as more than just a tool.
Brian
All men are capable of being aroused by physical stimuli provided by another male. It’s because Mother Nature designed male sexuality on a hair trigger for the purpose of being ready to go just as a woman enters her fertile phase. It also has to be driven by sufficient energy to produce a shuddering orgasm that will propel the sex cells out of his body and into hers.
This “hair trigger” nature of male sexuality is why straight-identifying men can easily be turned on by the touch of another man. Women resent this, and that is why women oppose the idea of straight-identifying men turning. It horrifies them with its power.
Richard C. Liu
Fake
Donald J. Sullivan
Yeah, I “confused” a bunch of “bros” in my all boys prep school… Kenn Espinosa, Victor Otero, & Lex Michael
Invert
@Brian- yet there’s no corresponding capability for homosexual men to be physically aroused by the touch of a female. Which kind of debunks your theory about a hair trigger male sexual response.
Guy068
@Brian: Men can be just as guilty of this as women. It’s a personality type that transcends gender and preference…
Shaun King
I need a straight bro spoon
Brian
@Invert: How do you know there is no corresponding capability of homosexual-identifying men to be physically aroused by the touch of a female? Be careful how you use the expression “homosexual men”, too. It’s a very loosely used expression.
In any case, keep in mind that male homosexual desire is the default desire of men. That is, men’s homosexual desires are their most natural desires. It is only the influence of women which curtails the natural homosexual desire of men. The influence of women directs men towards the path of virility and thus the continuation of the species.
Here’s what is happening: men are naturally desirous of other men but women intervene to prevent these desires from manifesting on a wide scale. The way women do this is through the influence of the mother. Mothers tell their growing sons not to act like girls, to be rough and tough, and not to hold their male friend’s hand. The conditioning teaches young males that homophobia is a necessary force to prevent wide-scale male homosexual desire.
martinbakman
My straight best friend and I were inseparable, like many young men in college. We would wait for each other after class, head to the cafeteria for dinner and then back to his dorm room, where we’d sit together on his couch and study physics. One night he drifted off and had his legs resting across my lap. We’d switched the light off and had the tv on. I’m not sure what gave me the nerve to do it (maybe it was the pot), but I began slowly petting his calves. He had the cutest legs and a nice butt. Soon my hand was up to his smooth thigh. That was heaven. And then I let my hand wander inside his gym shorts to feel his silky butt. My mind was racing, wandering if he would stop me, afraid what might happen, but my lust was winning. I was greedy and driven I guess. After enjoying the pleasure of his lovely rump, I reached around, placing my hand over his jock. But then in the darkness I saw his face turn towards me. He was awake then for sure. I stopped.
So that was all real as can be. We had a couple more similar experiences. Years later he joked about getting nailed by his roommate. Never knew what to think about that. He eventually married a woman. He leaned mostly that way I suppose.
So yeah, some reddit stories sound far fetched, like flying to Thailand to spoon. But a lot of guys do have some kind of experiences with their chums.
1EqualityUSA
NOM is calling you, Brian. If you keep repeating your b.s. maybe someone will believe we have a choice, rather than inherent orientations that takes choice out of theory. Even the terms you use are so…NOMish. Do you get paid per comment to drill this message? Now “Mothers” are responsible for preventing wide-scale male homosexual desire. Keep digging, you’ll soon make a breakthrough in your therapy. Mama issues are slowly going to vanish. The corpse in the bed will stop talking to you one day.
Paco
I would ask him if he was attracted to guys other than his gay friend. If not, then I would advise him to tread carefully and find out how his friend views relationships. Open or monogamous. He may find himself crushed and running back to the girlfriend if he doesn’t have a grasp on how a large portion of gay men view relationships.
DCguy
@bekerry: No what you did was write something vague that underlined where you were and then got upset because you got called out on it.
I’m sorry if making a declarative statement seems so difficult for you.
Terrycloth
I thought spooning lead to Forking ?
Invert
@Brian- basing my judgement on personal experience and every gay identified male I’ve known who has tried to be straight without success. Pee pee no workee with the Ladies. I’m very definitely homosexual. I know you think that word has different meanings to some but to be quite clear I have no capacity for arousal by females, so it’s pretty clear cut to me.
I kind of have similar opinions to you on a lot of stuff, btw- even though I’m a feminist, go figure. At the very least I find your posts quite thought provoking.
Chris
Ditch the possessive girlfriend. That she could expect him to give up an awesome vacation because she could not get vacation time is incredibly selfish.
batesnight
Sounds like he has a crush on his best friend who just happens to be gay. It’s not uncommon as sexuality is not all black and white. He’s willing to explore that and is ‘curious’. Who knows, he may like it. He gets along better with his best friend than his girlfriend as most straight dudes do. If only they were physically attracted to their male friends, then it would be the perfect relationship. Well in this case, he’s attracted to him. He doesn’t need to worry about gay, straight, bi, whatever. Those are just labels to create separation. No labels are needed.
pscheck2
If this is a true happening, then I would talk it out with his gay buddy, and see what happens. If it doesn’t work out, he won’t lose the friendship of his buddy, since they had a ‘regular’ friendship before the denounment! Also, he will know for certain if his sexual desires are more complete with one or the other. Then, it might be he is equally satisfied with both, and his feelings are stronger for his gay buddy, he should then be honest and let his gf know these feelings and let her decide if she wants to remain in a bi sexual relationship.Finally: does he long for being married and having a family? If so, he is on a slippery slope, if he wants both, for one of them is going to be hurt and cause a lot of pain for all concerned.
martinbakman
Yeah sometimes I wake up and my straight brah’s big ol’ dick is pokin’ me!! What do I do Queartee?
pscheck2
In my (HO)I think he is just another ‘wannabe’and is just trying to justify his feelings for the buddy by posing as a confused str8 guy! I’m sure he would like to do ‘it’ with him, but is afraid of the label: F*g! Maybe something is going on with these ‘Millenials’ just recently read a headline that they took a survey of their sexual attitudes and 50% of them claimed they were str8! I did not read the whole article, so I’m assuming the other 50% are either bi or gay which, if this survey is correct, our day in the Sun has come! What do you think?
JamJewel
@Matthew Thompson: And how do you spoon someone you like without getting an erection and give the whole sexual attraction thing away? Because if his friend is the outside spoon AND getting an erection and he’s going along with it then that changes the equation and his interpretation of his orientation. And if his friend is the inside spoon and he’s getting an erection, the friend would jump on it, dontya think? Or put an end to it? Makes no sense at all! Or there is some other kinda spoonin’ I don’t know about?